


Kings Love

by melblue



Series: Kings [2]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Adventure, First Time, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:25:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 65,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melblue/pseuds/melblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A slashy version of the book The Voyage of the Dawn Treader – this is not move related.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the first draft of this story back in 2000, long before the movies were even announced. I've been working on it, on and off, since then and I'm finally close to completing the entire series - there are two more stories in this series after this one.
> 
> Ages: Caspian-20; Edmund-16; Eustace-14; Lucy-14. - I had to work out the ages myself; Yes, I'm aware that these ages are older than the official timeline from CS Lewis, but I'm not gonna write slash about a 12 year old, so I've aged them from the first story (Kings Comfort) and then continued from that. I'll give the ages for each story as I write them.
> 
> Disclaimer: The character's belong to CS Lewis. The blame is mine.

"I say Edmund," said Lucy. "Isn't it simply thrilling to be back?"

Edmund couldn't help laughing at Lucy. Ever since they had fallen through the painting in the bedroom back in London and found themselves in Narnia, Lucy had been glowing. Her excitement was highly infectious and as Caspian had proudly shown them around the Dawn Treader, it had seemed to affect all of them, until they were all giggling at each other in the most stupid way. Only one person in their group had been immune and Edmund frowned as he remembered who that person was.

"Yes, it is thrilling," agreed Edmund. "But I do wish that blighter Eustace wasn't here as well."

"Mmm," said Lucy. "If Aslan brought us here, I suppose he must have had a reason to bring Eustace along as well, but it is a shame. He's so disagreeable. I wish Peter and Susan were here instead."

"I know what you mean," replied Edmund. "It would be so wonderful to be here all together again. I say, Lucy, just look at that sunset. There's something different about Narnian sunsets, isn't there?"

Edmund leaned forward on the deck railing. He felt Lucy move beside him, and gave her a quick smile before he turned to the west. The sun was just dipping below the horizon, staining the sky and the water below with glorious shades of pink and orange. Edmund could almost feel those same colours seeping into the skin on his face. His excitement had now settled into a sort of deep contentment, but he still couldn't stop smiling.

Footsteps passed behind them, and Edmund turned his head quickly, hoping it wasn't Eustace. The last thing he wanted to hear now was the little beast's endless complaints. Instead he saw Caspian, and he watched as Caspian swiftly climbed up to the poop and began talking to Captain Drinian and his first mate, Rhince.

"I wonder if Caspian wishes Peter and Susan were here as well," he said.

"Oh, I'm sure he would have liked to see them," said Lucy, and then she laughed. "Instead he gets Eustace."

Edmund laughed as well.

"Oh, but it is nice to see Caspian again," Lucy continued. "It is odd though that he is so much older now. I always forget how Narnian time works, and I always get such a surprise because of it when we get back."

It _was_ odd, Edmund thought, that Caspian was older now. When they had last seen him he had been a boy, not much older than Edmund himself, and now he seemed so grown up. Because of this change, Edmund had actually been a little shy with him at first, but Caspian was so friendly and nice that the feeling had quickly passed.

"Edmund, don't you think Caspian is handsome?" asked Lucy.

Edmund thought about it for a moment. Caspian was taller even than Peter now, and he'd filled out as well. The slight, fine-boned boy that Edmund had met a year ago was gone and in his place was a strong young man, whose hair shone with golden light and whose piercing blue eyes either glowed with determination and resolve, or twinkled with good humour.

"Yes he is, I suppose," answered Edmund, and then he grinned down at Lucy. "You're not going to go all funny about him are you?

"Edmund!" exclaimed Lucy. "Don't be silly. I just thought he might have been married by now, that's all."

"Well, I suppose Caspian hasn't wanted to get married yet."

"To tell you the truth," replied Lucy. "I'm glad. I know it's selfish but it will be so nice to have Caspian just to ourselves."

"I knew it," Edmund grinned triumphantly and thumped his sister on the arm. "You are going to go all funny about him."

"Don't talk such rot, Edmund," Lucy smiled at him fondly, and for a moment he saw her as the Queen she had once been, wise, loving and brave. Then she poked him in the ribs and gave him a cheeky grin and she was once more just the little sister he'd always known. "Oh, I'm just so happy to be back."

"It pleases me to hear it, Queen Lucy," said a voice behind them, and Edmund jumped as he recognized it as Caspian's. Heat flooded his face and he hoped desperately that Caspian hadn't heard their whole conversation. He glanced quickly at Lucy and saw the same worry in her eyes.

They both turned slowly to face Caspian, who looked at them curiously. "Goodness," he said. "You're not feeling seasick, are you?"

Edmund heard Lucy snort softly. "No Caspian, we're fine," he managed to say, before he joined her in laughter.

"Well, I'm happy to hear it," replied Caspian, with mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Your kinsman, Eustace, seems to be ill enough for all of us."

At this comment, they all laughed again. True, Edmund thought, Eustace had been sick at first, but once Lucy had given him a drop of her magic cordial, there had been no reason for him to stay in bed, other than ill humour.

"Anyway," Caspian continued, once he had stopped laughing. "I, also, am overjoyed that you are here. It has made this trip complete and we will have such great adventures together."

"Perhaps, even with Eustace around," replied Edmund, and could not resist grinning as Caspian winked at him.

"Well, it is certainly to be hoped that he finds a better mood for the rest of the journey! Now we have talked of how you came here, but we have not yet talked of your brother and sister, King Peter and Queen Susan. How do they fare?"

At this casual mention of Peter, Edmund's breath caught in his throat as he was assailed with the memory of what he had seen the last time they had been in Narnia. After their battle with the Telmarines, there had been a great feast, and it was after this feast that he had seen Caspian and Peter kissing in the moonlight. He had not thought of that moment for a long time and now he felt a slight flush rise in his cheeks as the pictures replayed in his mind. He still did not understand why Aslan had wanted him to see it, and he still did not understand why he had felt so horrified at the time. At school, he had sometimes glimpsed similar incidents and in Narnia those sorts of relationships did not meet with the same disapproval as they did in his own world. He had thought about it for a long time when he had got home, but he had never come to any conclusion, and in the end he had worked hard at putting the memory out of his mind. Until now.

Guiltily he glanced at Caspian, and was relieved to see that he was looking at Lucy as she answered his question.

"Oh, Susan has gone to America," she said, and then at Caspian's puzzled look she explained, "That's another country in our world. Like going to Archenland or Calormen."

Caspian nodded. "And the High King?" he asked. "What does he do in your world?"

Edmund finally found his voice. "He's cramming for an exam at the moment," he said, and then immediately regretted it as Caspian's attention became focused on him.

"Cramming?" asked Caspian, once again puzzled.

"Ah, studying," Edmund explained. "He wants to be an engineer."

"I see," said Caspian. "It is strange to think he is younger than me now. Last time we met he was about the same age as I was."

"Yes," agreed Edmund quietly. He imagined that he had heard a slightly regretful tone in Caspian's voice and suddenly he had an awful idea. What if Caspian and Peter had fallen in love that night? He had never thought of that before. Peter had seemed to be his usual self when they got back home, and he'd certainly never said anything about Caspian, but maybe they had both accepted that they would never see each other again. It was a horrible thought, and Edmund felt a twinge of sympathy, and then embarrassment as he felt his face burning again. It grew worse as he realized that Caspian was watching him with dawning curiosity in his eyes, and he quickly turned away.

His heart thudded fearfully as he waited for the question that he was sure Caspian was about to ask, and he almost sighed aloud with relief when he heard Lucy speak.

"I say, Caspian," she said. "Do you think Reepicheep is right? Do you really think we will find Aslan's country in the east? I should so like to see him again."

"I do not know, Lucy," Caspian turned to her and smiled. "It would be wonderful indeed to see Aslan. But now you must be hungry, I know I am. Let us return to the cabin for supper."

Edmund lingered behind as the other two made their way to the cabin. He was angry with himself and he didn't want to face the others until he had himself under control.

"The last thing I need," he scolded himself, "is for Caspian to start asking questions. I simply can't let it slip that I saw them. Even if Aslan did set it up, I'm jolly well certain that Caspian would be furious."

By the time he had regained his composure the sun had completely set and the breeze was slightly cool. It was a cosy sight when he entered the cabin. The lamps were lit casting a soft glow over the table, which was laid with a simple supper. Edmund's heart skipped a beat as, again, Caspian glanced at him curiously, but he smiled and took his seat beside Lucy, distracting himself with the food. It had always amazed Edmund that the same food that they ate in England could taste so much more delicious in Narnia. However, there was one at the table who did not agree.

"You call this a meal?" Eustace asked, gazing at the table with contempt. "I'm ill, I can't eat this. I don't know how you expect me to stay on this rotten ship, when there's no decent food. I want some Plumptree's Vitaminized Nerve Food at once."

Edmund watched with amusement as Caspian smiled at Eustace with what he could only describe as forced politeness. "I'm afraid I don't know what that is," he said. "But this wine will strengthen you and should make you feel better."

"Are you completely mad?"

"Eustace," Lucy's quiet voice interrupted. "Don't be rude. Just eat what you can."

Edmund saw Eustace open his mouth to make a reply, and he quickly jumped in with a question. "So, what exactly is your plan, Caspian? You've told us about the Seven Lords and sailing to the East, but do you have any maps or information about what we might find?"

Caspian leaned forward eagerly and rested his elbows on the table. "No, I don't Edmund, but I'm hoping that we might find someone in the Lone Island's who can tell us something."

"Have you had any contact with the Lone Island's before?" Edmund asked.

"Not in my memory," replied Caspian. "What of you, Drinian?"

"Nay, Sire," Drinian shook his head. "The only ship I know of to sail east is that of the Seven Lords we seek."

Edmund began to feel slightly worried. How in Aslan's name could they be certain that the Lone Islander's would welcome a visit from their overlord, the King of Narnia, if no one had been there for such a long time?

"I wonder if there is still a Governor…" he began cautiously, but was quickly interrupted by Caspian.

"Oh, I'm sure there is, and with the luck of the Lion he will be able to tell us something of what lies beyond the islands."

Reepicheep piped in his agreement, and the conversation turned to a discussion of all the adventures they might find on their journey. Edmund sat and listened, still with the niggling worry that they might find more than they bargained for in the Lone Islands, but eventually he squashed it down and joined in the excitement. After all, he was only a King in name now, the time of his shared reign long past in history. Caspian was the true King of Narnia, and this voyage was his show. It wasn't up to Edmund to interfere.

* * *

It was the next day, just before dinner that Eustace got into his first fight with Reepicheep. Edmund was sitting in the cabin with Caspian, Lucy and Drinian, when the door flew open and Eustace burst in, closely followed by a furious mouse.

It was some moments before they could get a clear picture of what had happened. Eustace was shouting his demand that Caspian keep Reepicheep under control, and Reepicheep was politely apologizing for the intrusion, but eventually Edmund dragged the story out of them.

It seemed that Reepicheep had been in his favourite spot up on the bulwarks when his tail had suddenly been seized and to his great astonishment he had found himself whirling in the air. To Eustace's even greater astonishment, for he was indeed Reep's attacker, the mouse had not only managed to draw his sword in mid-air, but had also managed to skewer Eustace's hand with it. Reepicheep had then demanded satisfaction, Eustace had refused, and Reep had administered his own form of punishment, consisting of a few hard blows with the flat of his sword. Eustace had raced for refuge in the cabin, hotly pursued by Reepicheep.

"Well, Eustace," said Caspian, after the story was finished. "The challenge has been offered to you by this honourable mouse. When shall you meet him?"

"You're completely mad," Eustace snarled. "I'm not fighting with that… that… creature. Besides," he added triumphantly, "I haven't got a sword."

"Oh, that's of no moment," Caspian waved a hand airily in the air. "It would be my privilege to lend you one."

Edmund now saw a sight he had long wished to see. Eustace was speechless with horror and amazement, and it was a terrible struggle for Edmund not to burst out with laughter. A wicked thought crossed his mind, and he turned to Drinian.

"My Lord Drinian, do you not think that a handicap should be arranged for a duel with two such differing opponents?"

"Oh indeed, your Majesty," agreed Drinian, with twinkling eyes. "The mouse is undoubtedly the more skilled opponent."

"That is true," replied Edmund, seriously. "However, I was thinking more of my kinsman's Eustace greater size."

A soft snort reached his ears, and he turned to find Caspian watching him with eyes brimming with laughter, and he returned a quick smile. At this moment, Eustace finally found his voice and began to roar at them.

"HOW DARE YOU! I TOLD YOU THAT THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH THAT I'M FIGHTING THAT STUPID MOUSE. I'M A PACIFIST!"

"Then I wish you'd act like one, and stop causing all this trouble," broke in Lucy, indignantly. "If you are going to refuse Reep's challenge, then you must apologize to him at once, Eustace."

"Apologize?" exclaimed Eustace. "He's the one who stabbed me, and hit me, and…"

"Yes, apologize, you rotter," Edmund interrupted, finally losing his temper. It was just so humiliating that Eustace was related to them. "It's either that or Caspian lends you a sword. Make up your mind."

Eustace glared at him furiously for a moment, and then with his face burning red with anger, and a sulky frown on his face, he turned to Reepicheep.

"Please accept my apology," he muttered.

"For the sake of their Majesties, I do so," Reepicheep answered as politely as ever, and then quickly left the room. Edmund could tell by the way he held his tail that he was still highly offended, and was not surprised when Caspian gave an exasperated sigh and followed the mouse out to the deck.

Lucy, true to her generous nature, was offering to bind Eustace's hand, and Drinian had left the cabin as well. Edmund was still very annoyed with Eustace; it was such a pain to have such a horrible person with them in the middle of this wonderful adventure. He hoped that Eustace wouldn't try to get some sort of revenge on Reepicheep and would just sensibly leave the mouse alone. It was a rather forlorn hope; Eustace was not the most sensible person that Edmund knew.

He wasn't very good at making apologies either, and Edmund knew that Reep deserved a better one than he had got, and obviously it was Edmund's responsibility to make it. How horrid it was to feel responsible for someone like Eustace. Still, it had to be done, and Edmund made his way to the door and out onto the deck.

He spotted Reep up on the forecastle and Caspian was still with him. Edmund hesitated, oddly reluctant to apologize to Reepicheep with Caspian looking on. As he hovered, trying to decide whether to approach them or wait until Reepicheep was alone, Caspian's voice floated down to him.

"I realize the offence, Reep, but remember that Eustace can have no idea of the importance of a mouse's tail to his dignity."

"Sire," Edmund could clearly hear the anger still in Reepicheep's voice. "I understand this, and I am sorry to say it, for I know he is kin to their Majesties, King Edmund and Queen Lucy, but that boy is a coward and a menace. He shows no respect, not only for their Majesties, but for your own person, and your companions."

"I agree, Reep, but I am afraid that he is a guest in our Kingdom and all is strange to him. You are right, he is kinsman to King Edmund and Queen Lucy and for that fact alone deserves our patience."

Edmund winced slightly as he heard this reply from Caspian. The fact that Eustace was related to them was becoming the biggest trial of his life.

"I will try, Sire," Reepicheep eventually answered, with a calmer voice. "But I believe he needs to be taught a lesson."

Edmund heard Caspian give another exasperated sigh. "Perhaps if you were to keep away from him as much as possible, Reep."

"Sire, I will do as you command," said Reepicheep, and Edmund saw him sweep a low bow and then leave. He was about to follow the mouse when he heard Drinian's voice.

"The mouse is right, Sire." Edmund started, for a moment thinking that Drinian was speaking to him, but when he glanced quickly up to the forecastle he saw that the Captain was with Caspian. He hadn't realized that Drinian was there as well, seated on the lookout shelf.

"The boy is a menace," he heard Drinian continue. "And he is of no use to us. Perhaps we should leave him behind when we reach the Lone Islands, as he seems to dislike being at sea so much."

"Lord Drinian, I am ashamed to say that I am greatly tempted by the idea. But it would be no honour to our name to abandon a shipmate, particularly one of royal blood." Edmund smiled to himself as he heard Caspian repeat the same temptation he had been feeling himself.

"It is difficult to believe," Edmund saw that Drinian was now grinning, "that the boy shares the same blood as their Majesties."

"No, indeed," agreed Caspian.

"Their Majesties seem happy to be here at any rate, Sire," said Drinian.

"Oh, and I am overjoyed that they are here, Drinian, even if they did bring Eustace with them."

Edmund heard both the men laugh, and then, suddenly, he realized what he had been doing. His face burned with embarrassment and shame. Really, it seemed that lately whenever he came to Narnia, he became the most frightful eavesdropper. Quickly he turned and hurried away and almost tripped over Reepicheep in his haste.

"Reepicheep," he blurted. "There you are. I was just looking for you."

"Sire," the mouse swept a graceful bow. "You have found me. How can I be of service?"

"Ah, well," Edmund struggled to regain his composure, and finally managed it. "I wanted to apologize to you, Reep. Eustace's behaviour was appalling, I know, and I'm very sorry it happened." He reddened again slightly as the thought crossed his mind that his own behaviour hadn't been much better.

"Thank you, your Majesty," Reep replied. "Your Majesty honours his kinsman more than he deserves by making a better apology on his behalf than the one he made himself."

"Oh, thanks Reep," Edmund said. "Anyway, hopefully Eustace will settle down eventually. And you always have my permission to thrash him if he doesn't, you know," he added with a grin.

Reepicheep laughed and then they talked for a while about Narnia. Edmund knew that when he returned to England, Peter would be eager to know as much as possible about what had happened in Narnia during the last three years, and the mouse was the most entertaining storyteller on the ship.

For about half an hour they talked, and then Reepicheep excused himself to return to his spot in the bulwarks. Edmund leaned on the deck railing and stared dreamily at the waves. He noticed that the sea seemed bluer today, almost as blue as Caspian's eyes. The thought of Caspian reminded him of Peter and he found himself once more recalling the scene he had witnessed between them. Sternly he repressed it, wishing for the hundredth time that he had never seen it.

He felt movement beside him, and realized with a sinking heart that Caspian himself was leaning on the railing beside him. With a strong sense of ill usage he felt his face burning, and wondered if he would ever get over this embarrassment he felt whenever he was with Caspian. It was beginning to feel like a curse.

"Hello Edmund," Caspian said. Edmund reluctantly met his eyes, saw the curiosity in them, and then quickly looked back at the waves.

"I say, are you all right?" Caspian's voice sounded concerned. "I mean, yesterday you…"

"I might have known."

A sharp voice interrupted Caspian and for the first time in his life Edmund was relieved to find Eustace glaring at them.

"Is that all you do on this blasted ship, just stand around? I bet you've made no effort to find out about the British Consul have you?"

"Eustace," Edmund sighed. "You know, you could make an effort to get along with everyone."

"You might even enjoy the voyage if you did," Caspian added hopefully.

"Oh, don't be so stupid," said Eustace. "Enjoy myself on a tub like this?" And he stomped off towards the cabin.

Edmund met Caspian's eyes and rolled his own in resignation.

"You know," Caspian said. "Perhaps we should think of a way to leave Eustace behind on the Lone Islands."

Edmund laughed, and was glad of the distraction.


	2. Chapter 2

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. That morning, when they had reached the Lone Islands, the idea had arisen of leaving the crew to row the Dawn Treader around to Doorn, and walking across lonely Felimath to be picked up on the other side by the ship. Caspian, Reep and Lucy had all wanted to stretch their legs, and in his excitement at seeing the Lone Islands again, Edmund had forgotten all his earlier concerns about how welcome they might or might not be. The only thing to slightly quench his happiness had been the fact that Eustace had decided to join them.

Now it was night, and in the dank and dark hold of the slavers ship, Edmund had plenty of time to relive the day and regret that he'd never spoken out. The moment of their capture had been frightening and humiliating, but far worse than this had been the moment when Caspian had been led away by his new owner. Edmund's heart had seemed to almost burst out of his chest he'd been so angry and afraid. He'd wanted to do something, anything, but then Lucy had burst into tears, and he'd been tied up anyway. He'd never felt so useless in all his life, except for when Aslan had bargained with the White Witch for his life.

Edmund wondered what could be happening to Caspian. Would they ever see him again? Was this the end of their great adventure, all of them sold into slavery? What a thing to happen to the King of Narnia, and if only he'd spoken up in the first place, surely they'd have taken more care and this would never have happened. Edmund's mind buzzed with self recrimination and he leaned his head on his hands and groaned softly.

He felt someone shift beside him, it was too dark to see, but when a gentle hand touched his arm he knew it was Lucy.

"Edmund, what is it?" she asked and Edmund could hear the worry in her voice. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Edmund answered tiredly. "It's just… well, this is all my fault!"

"Ha!" It was Eustace's snide voice coming out of the darkness. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Oh, shut up, Eustace!" Lucy snapped, and then Edmund felt her hand tighten on his arm and when she spoke it was in her usual gentle voice. "Edmund, how can you think that?"

"I'd thought that maybe the Lone Islanders might not be so happy to see the King of Narnia after such a long time," he admitted ruefully. "If I'd said something we would have been more careful."

"With the greatest respect, Your Majesty," this time it was Reepicheep who spoke. "These slavers did not know who your Majesties were-"

Edmund couldn't help interrupting. "It makes no difference, Reep, in fact it would probably be worse if they did. In our time we outlawed slavery in the Lone Islands. If it is now legal, and the slavers talked of selling us at market in Narrowhaven so it must be, then it shows that Narnian laws are no longer upheld here. All this aside, we should have been more cautious."

"I agree, Sire," replied Reepicheep. "But I am the King's Guard, it is I who should have been cautious. To my great shame, I must confess that I did not think of trouble until we saw these cowardly slavers. That we are here, and that His Majesty's whereabouts are unknown, can only be held to be my fault, and no one else's."

"Hear, hear," came Eustace's voice. "Feel free to argue it out amongst yourselves. I'd only like to add that Caspian is just as much to blame as the two of you. If he hadn't taken it into his fat head to play the lord of some potty little boat then none of us would be here. Oh, and of course, he's the one that's not tied up in this stinking ship. How typical is that!"

There was a moment of silence, and Edmund could tell that the other two were speechless with shock, just as he was. It was Lucy who finally found a voice and spoke.

"How can you be such a rotten beast, Eustace? Don't you realise that Caspian's been sold, as a slave, and we will be too? If you can't say anything comforting, then just be quiet will you!"

Edmund was quite impressed with Lucy's restraint; he himself only wished that his hands were free so that he could strangle the little blighter. However, the next moment he heard a soft sob beside him and he knew that Lucy wasn't as calm as she sounded.

"Look," he said firmly. "It's no use going over it. We'd best try to get some sleep, so we can be ready for whatever happens tomorrow."

"I'm too hungry to sleep," Eustace muttered sullenly.

"King Edmund has ordered silence," it was Reepicheep who spoke, in a voice that wasn't to be argued with and to Edmund's relief, Eustace fell blessedly silent.

* * *

Edmund hadn't thought he would get much sleep, but he must have, because the next thing he heard was the grating noise of the door into the hold being opened, and a flood of light flared in his eyes. Blinking rapidly as his eyes watered at the sudden glare, Edmund glanced around the hold. The other prisoners were waking up as well and Edmund saw that Reepicheep was already on his feet, his small paws clenched at his sides.

"Easy, Reep," he said softly. "We are unarmed and bound, remember."

"Of course, Sire," Reep answered calmly, but Edmund saw that his tail was still quivering.

"Rise and shine," it was Pug, the leader of the slavers and he placed a bucket on the floor as he spoke. "Wash up and get clean. It's market day today and we all want to be looking our best, don't we?"

He laughed loudly, and the pirate who had followed him with another bucket joined in. Pug also had a sack in his hand, which he now opened and took out a few loaves of dark bread. These he handed around to the group of prisoners and when he came to Edmund he gave him two.

"Make sure she eats," he said to Edmund, nodding his chin at Lucy. "She looks pale." Then he toed Eustace, who was still sitting on the floor. "Not much use feeding you up. Get up, lazy, it's a busy day and I'd better not be stuck with you at the end of it."

Eustace, who now looked quite pale himself, staggered to his feet and pulled one of the loaves out of Edmund's hand biting into it with relish. He chewed for a moment and then sighed bitterly, handing the loaf to Lucy.

"Just as I thought," he said resentfully. "Absolutely disgusting."

Pug only laughed, and then they were left alone to eat, and wash in the freezing water from the buckets. Now that his eyes had become accustomed to the light, Edmund could see that it was the weak light of early dawn, and this was confirmed when Pug and his slavers returned and they were herded out onto the deck and pushed into the boats for shore.

It was still very cold and Edmund sat as close to Lucy as he could, trying to keep her warm. She smiled at him and then leaned her head on his shoulder.

"You know, I have a feeling it will be alright," she said softly, so no one else could hear. "Look at the sun, rising in the east. Aslan's in the east. He won't let anything bad happen to us."

Edmund didn't reply, except to return her smile. As they neared the docks of Narrowhaven, he rather desperately hoped that she was right.

Again the slavers herded them, this time right up to the marketplace, and behind a large stage. The slavers then divided them into groups, keeping Edmund, Lucy, Reep and Eustace together, and they were put into wooden pens.

They all sat quietly in the pen, Lucy and Edmund holding hands tightly, and Edmund listened to the noises of the market getting louder and louder as Narrowhaven woke up to the day and came to life. Eventually he heard Pug's voice booming over the racket of the market and he knew the time had come.

They came for Lucy first, and Edmund and Reepicheep couldn't stop themselves from struggling with the slavers. But it was no use, their hands were still bound and they were easily overcome, although Edmund managed to get in one good kick to Pug's leg. The slaver swore loudly, his hand rose, and Edmund waited for the hard blow to come, but instead Pug smiled and patted him softly on the cheek.

"Can't damage the goods," said Pug. "I have a feeling I'm going to get the best price for you."

Edmund blinked in surprise, and heard Reepicheep swearing beside him, but the slavers were already gone, taking Lucy with them.

"Stop it, Reep," Edmund finally found his voice. "It's no use."

Reepicheep fell silent, and Edmund was completely surprised when he stayed that way the next time the slavers came. This time they took the mouse, and Reep didn't struggle, but walked with great dignity to the stage. Edmund almost laughed when he heard Pug loudly trying to provoke Reep into talking and the mouse stayed stubbornly silent. He knew that Pug would never get the price he'd hoped for from Reep now.

Next they took Eustace, and Edmund was left alone in the pen. He could hear Eustace the whole time on the stage complaining bitterly and loudly and he wasn't surprised when Pug brought him back to the pen.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Pug didn't look at all happy. "First the mouse and then this useless lump," he pushed Eustace into the pen and then reached for Edmund. "Best till last though, and don't give me any trouble or I'll take it out on your mate here."

For a moment, Edmund was tempted to cause as much trouble as he could, but he looked back at Eustace sitting sullenly on the ground and reminded himself that the idiot was a relation and therefore it was his responsibility to keep him safe. Not that he'd done such a great job of that so far, he thought bitterly, as he found himself on the stage looking out over a sea of faces.

Edmund could never remember afterwards exactly what happened on that stage. He spent the whole time franticly searching the crowd for a glimpse of Lucy, Reep, someone from the Dawn Treader, Caspian, anyone that he knew at all. But he saw no one, and eventually he realised that Pug had handed his rope to someone else and he was being led off the stage.

As he followed his 'owner' through the crowd he realized that it was a tall Calormene, and his heart sank. He didn't like them very much, never had, not since the time he and Susan had been forced to flee from the city of Tashbaan, and that rotter Prince Rabadash had attacked Archenland. He earnestly hoped that they had improved since then, but the fact that they still dealt in slaves wasn't promising.

The Calormene merchant stopped suddenly in front of a large tent and Edmund almost walked into his back. There were several Calormene soldiers standing around and Edmund realised that the merchant must be either very rich, very important or both. Then the merchant turned around and Edmund found himself looking up into a dark, cruel face. The Calormene merchant smiled. It wasn't a very nice smile, and before he could stop himself Edmund took a quick step back.

The merchant immediately yanked on the rope and Edmund fell forward, his face smashing into the merchant's chest. He struggled for a moment, but then a strong arm came around his waist and tightened, holding him in place. Panic suddenly ripped through Edmund and he was gasping for air, trying to clear his head, when a hand was placed under his chin and his face was roughly forced upwards.

It was for only a moment that he saw the merchants face, because the next thing he knew the merchant had lowered his head and his lips met Edmund's, pressing on them painfully. Edmund froze in shock, and in that moment the Calormene forced Edmund's lips open and pushed his tongue deep into Edmund's mouth.

Sudden fury galvanised Edmund into action and instinct told him what to do. He kicked the merchant in the leg as hard as he could and felt the Calormene grunt into his mouth, just before he was forcefully pushed away.

The Calormene swore and then his arm went back and before Edmund had time to move, or even to think of it, he was dealt a stinging backhand blow across his cheek. He landed on the ground, his head swimming in pain, and then felt the added humiliation as the merchant and his soldiers laughed uproariously. A grasping hand clenched his wrist and hauled him to his feet, almost pulling his shoulder out of its socket, and he found himself once more staring up at the merchant.

The merchant smiled that not-very-nice smile again and then he spoke for the first time.

"Get in the tent."

Something told Edmund that he'd be better off dead than going into that tent, and he shook his head. The Calormene frowned and raised his hand again. Edmund closed his eyes and braced himself, but then one of the soldiers spoke, and his eyes shot open in surprise.

"O my most virtuous and powerful Master," the soldier said. "That man over by the stage, who they are calling King, has just decreed that all the slaves are free."

Edmund swung round so fast he almost fell over his own feet, and he saw a sight that he would remember with great joy for the rest of his life. Caspian stood on the stage, gleaming like a golden statue in his armour, as the sun poured down on his bare head. The circlet crown he wore was glittering in his shining hair and the jewel on his breast flashed in the light. He held his sword in one hand and the other was upraised in an attempt to silence the suddenly cheering crowd.

It was the most marvellous sight Edmund had ever seen and his heart leapt into his throat and fluttered there for a moment. Then as the crowd finally fell silent, he found his voice and yelled as loudly as he could, and then Caspian was looking at him over the crowd and leaping down off the stage. He saw Lucy and Reep running up to Caspian, and took off himself and came to a sudden halt as his rope pulled tight, and turning he saw that the merchant still held it.

The Calormene looked at him for a moment with an unfathomable expression, then he handed the rope to one of the soldiers and walked through the crowd to Caspian.

"What's going on?" Edmund muttered to himself as he saw the merchant draw Caspian to one side. Caspian lowered his head, listening intently as the Calormene merchant talked quickly.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Edmund jumped as Caspian suddenly roared at the merchant. The whole marketplace fell silent as everyone stared at Caspian and then, strangely, the man who had purchased Caspian the day before, stepped forward and led the merchant away.

Caspian was looking at Edmund through the crowd and his face was such a picture of fury that Edmund stepped back, colliding with one of the soldiers. He saw Caspian struggle to calm himself and then the King strode over to where Edmund was standing and raised his sword.

"Give me that rope," he said through gritted teeth to the soldier behind Edmund, "or I'll cut off your hand."

The rope was quickly handed over, and Caspian produced a dagger from somewhere and sliced through the coils around Edmund's wrists. His blue eyes, still flashing with fury, searched Edmund's face and he saw them focus on his cheek, which was still numb from the blow he'd received.

"Are you all right?" Caspian asked, softly.

The hectic events of the last few minutes had finally caught up with Edmund and he could only nod dumbly. Caspian took his hand and led him through the crowd, and Edmund saw that Drinian and most of the crew of the Dawn Treader were there as well.

"Edmund," Lucy hugged him in delight and then frowned up at him. "What happened to your face?"

"Nothing," he finally managed to say.

"But you've got a huge bruise!" Lucy exclaimed.

"I said nothing," Edmund replied shortly and Lucy's face fell.

"Look, don't worry about it," he added more gently.

"Let's go," it was Caspian who spoke, and Edmund could tell by his voice that he still hadn't recovered his temper.

"Where to?" asked Lucy.

"The Governor's palace," said Caspian. "And this is the new Governor, Lord Bern." He pointed at the man who had bought him the day before.

"The first of the Seven Lords!" exclaimed Lucy.

"Look, are we going to this palace or not," said Eustace. "So far, this adventure of yours has been a complete wash out. I can't imagine what one of your palace's will be like, probably a shed on a dust patch with no amenities whatsoever."

For a moment, Edmund thought that Eustace was as close to death as he'd ever been. Caspian eye's flashed fire, but in a second, the look was gone, and the King had turned and walked away, with Reepicheep trailing after him.

* * *

There was a great feast that night in celebration of the King's arrival and in honour of the new governor, but Edmund never had much memory of any of it. He sat at the table, between Caspian and Lucy, he knew that much, but he couldn't have said if he had eaten anything or if he had, what it was. His head ached and his cheek throbbed and there was no way that he could ask Lucy for a drop of her cordial. If he did, he'd have to explain what had happened, and he knew that Lucy was still upset with him for not telling her.

He did drink a lot of wine, most of it in a vain effort to get the taste of the Calormene out of his mouth, but all that happened was that he started to feel dizzy. Then at one point, Caspian who'd spent the whole time talking to Lord Bern, reached out and moved Edmund's goblet away and Edmund looked up to find the King's blue eyes regarding him thoughtfully.

"It will only make you feel worse," Caspian said calmly.

"I've drunk wine before," Edmund replied, feeling like a sulky child.

"I know," answered Caspian, and turned back to Lord Bern.

So Edmund, after glaring at the back of Caspian's head for a while, got up and left. Of course, a King, even a former King, did not leave a room unnoticed, and the round of good nights was a complete blur, but he managed somehow, and then discovered that he had absolutely no idea where his room was.

He wandered aimlessly for a while, but that was too tiring and his head was still aching so eventually he just sat down on some stairs somewhere in the castle, and tried to clear his head. This was the wrong choice though, because the moment he did he was assailed with the memory of the Calormene merchant kissing him, and then ordering him into the tent. He spent some time fearfully wondering what would have happened in that tent and the nameless dread that had been swelling in his stomach all night peaked, and he gagged.

There was nothing except wine in his stomach, and after he'd emptied it out of the nearest window, the sour taste left in his mouth was almost a relief. The taste of the Calormene was finally gone, and see, Caspian had been wrong after all, the wine had helped. At the thought of Caspian, Edmund remembered the King's extreme anger in the market and wondered what the Calormene had said to provoke it.

His stomach churned again. What if the Calormene had said something about what had happened? It would certainly explain Caspian's anger, but it would be so embarrassing and humiliating if that was the reason. He prayed to Aslan that the merchant had only been demanding compensation for the money he'd paid. After all, he'd heard Caspian ordering Pug to pay back all the money while Lucy had been asking about the bruise on his face.

Edmund's hand crept up to his face. He wished he could get rid of that bruise, it felt like a brand on his face, marking him with what had happened. Lucy had said that morning that Aslan wouldn't let anything bad happen to them, but here was the proof on his face that bad things could and did happen. Although, he supposed it could have been worse. His thoughts strayed back to that tent.

"Edmund."

Edmund almost jumped out of his skin. He leapt to his feet and whirled around, knowing from the voice that he'd find Caspian standing there.

"What are you doing?" Caspian continued. "I went to your room and you weren't there. I was worried. Don't you know what time it is?"

"No," said Edmund. "And I don't know where my room is either."

Caspian laughed softly and stepped closer. "Come. I'll show you."

His room wasn't actually that far away, just up the rest of the stairs and down the corridor and Caspian opened a door and ushered him in. The room glowed with the softly welcoming light of candles and a cheery fire.

"Thanks," Edmund said, turning to close the door. Caspian, however, had followed him in and the door was already closed.

"I came here before," said Caspian, looking at him intently, "because I wanted to make sure that you were all right. You drank a lot of wine before."

A flash of anger went through Edmund as he remembered how Caspian had stopped him. "I'm fine," he said shortly. "As you can see."

"Actually, I don't see," Caspian answered. "You're pale and you have a large bruise on your face. You wouldn't tell Lucy how you got it, but you can tell me."

"Don't think you can come in here and order me about, Your Majesty. I'm no subject of yours." Sudden fear made Edmund snap out the words before he had even thought about what he was saying.

For a moment Caspian gazed at him in surprise, and then he gently shook his head. "No, you are not under my dominion, Edmund, but these islands are. I need to know if a crime has been committed against you."

Edmund's face burned with a mixture of embarrassment and shame. "Why?" he finally managed in a strangled whisper. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I know, Edmund, but I don't know how long you were with that Calormene before I found you."

"What difference does it make?" Edmund began to pace the room, wishing that Caspian would just go away and leave him alone.

"I know why he bought you," Caspian replied, "and I'm sure he hit you. Tell me why."

"How could you know?" Edmund stared at Caspian, his eyes narrowed with suspicion and fear. "What did that beast say to you?"

"That's between him and me," Caspian said quickly.

Edmund shook his head. "No fair, Caspian. You want me to tell you everything, well, you have to do the same. Tell me what he said."

The minutes ticked by as Edmund waited, completely ignoring Caspian, who stood and watched him thoughtfully.

"All right then, I wanted to spare you this but I suppose you do have a right to know," Caspian finally said calmly. "He asked me for a night with you."

Edmund's heart thudded loudly in his ears. It was much worse than he'd thought possible. "He asked _you-?"_

"He thought you belonged to me," Caspian interrupted. "He thought you were mine to give."

" _Yours_ …" Edmund felt breathless; there wasn't enough air in the room.

"Edmund," Caspian's voice brought him to his senses. "Please tell me what happened. If he forced you, in anyway, I swear he'll spend the rest of his life in Lord Bern's dungeon."

Edmund took a couple of deep breaths as his face flamed once more. His heart was thumping wildly in terror and he struggled to regain control. He saw Caspian take a swift step towards him and held up a forestalling hand. There was no way he could stand someone touching him at that moment.

"Please… " he gasped, and then took another deep breath, finally feeling his racing heart subside to a calmer pace. "It's all right. I wasn't with him long enough for anything to happen."

"How did you get the bruise?" Caspian asked quietly.

"He kissed me." He heard Caspian's soft curse and flinched slightly. "I kicked him, and then he hit me."

"Is that all?"

Edmund briefly closed his eyes. "He was just about to take me into his tent, when you arrived at the market. That's all, I swear, and I really don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I understand, Edmund, and I'm sorry," Caspian's voice was gentle and full of sympathy and it hurt Edmund in ways he didn't understand. "If you ever do need to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks," Edmund said quickly, desperate to be alone. "I'm tired."

"I'll go then," said Caspian, and Edmund was grateful for his quick acceptance.

After Caspian had left, Edmund sank into a chair and spent many minutes gazing with burning eyes at the wall of his room.


	3. Chapter 3

When Edmund had almost stumbled into bed, he'd been so tired that he'd thought he would be asleep within seconds. Instead, hours later, here he was, tossing and turning in frustration as his mind burned with the memories of what had happened that day. No matter how much he tried to stop it, his mind seemed determined to dwell on the scene with the Calormene merchant in the market place.

Finally it became too much, and Edmund flung himself out of the bed and stormed over to the window, shoving open the casements. He wanted to scream his rage into the chill pre-dawn air, and throw every piece of furniture in the room out of the window and watch it smash on the flagstones below. For a moment he quivered with anticipation but then he imagined the shocked faces of Lucy and Caspian if he did such a thing, and the moment passed, leaving him trembling with exhaustion.

He knew that Caspian had only wanted to help but instead he'd only made it worse. The Calormene had wanted him for a night, and what if Caspian had… Edmund shook his head in frustration. It always came back to that thought. What would have happened if Caspian hadn't turned up and he'd been forced into that tent?

Or if Caspian had allowed the Calormene to have him for the night?

That was the most absurd thought of all but Edmund could still hear Caspian's quiet voice saying _'he thought you belonged to me'_ and no matter how much he tried to deny it, Edmund knew that at that moment he _had_ belonged to Caspian. If Caspian had decided to grant the Calormene's request, who really would have stopped him? Aslan? Aslan had allowed it to happen in the first place.

Edmund sank to his knees, his heart gripped by cold fear, as he struggled and gasped for air. The thoughts running through his mind terrified him. Was he searching so hard for someone to blame that he would consider Caspian… and Aslan? He'd always admired Lucy for her complete faith in Aslan… and perhaps envied her as well. From the time of their first adventure in Narnia, he had always felt that in some way he was on trial, his belief and faith constantly put to the test. Sometimes it seemed like he was on trial for the mistakes he had made, fighting to earn the trust of the others, and of Aslan.

Slight warmth caressed his cheek, like a breath of ghostly air. At some point, without realising it, he'd closed his eyes tightly, and now Edmund swiftly opened them. The first, faint rays of sunlight were shining from the horizon, dancing through his window, as a flock of tiny, brown birds soared into the sky. For a moment they circled in front of Edmund's window, chirping joyfully, and then they darted out of his sight.

_'Look at the sun rising in the east. Aslan's in the east.'_ Lucy's soft voice echoed in Edmund's ears, and he found himself rising slowly to his feet and leaning through the casement to catch the first glimpse of the sun's fiery rim rising from the sea. The water now shone golden against the pale rose pearl of the sky, and it seemed as if he could step out of the window, drift through the air and then follow that gleaming path eastward. Edmund sighed softly.

Even if he had to fight for the rest of his life, Edmund knew that he would keep fighting, because at the end of it, he would be Aslan's. The Calormene might have owned him for a few minutes, Caspian might have had the power to determine his future for a moment, but there was only one person that Edmund would ever belong to… and that was Aslan. Aslan had claimed him when he had rescued him from the White Witch, and it was up to Edmund to honour that claim. There was no reason it should be easy, Edmund suddenly realised, in fact the harder the struggle, the more worthy his determination to trust in Aslan would be.

By the time the sun had climbed above the horizon, Edmund had washed and dressed. He felt groggy with tiredness and worry, and cold fear still lurked in some corners of his mind, but he was reassured by his renewed faith in Aslan. That moment of doubt had been the worst of the struggle, and after passing through that, he knew he could find a way to deal with the rest.

* * *

Edmund was so early for breakfast that he almost didn't get any. There was no one in the dining hall and the servants had not yet even laid the tables. Eventually Edmund found his way to the kitchens, where he shocked one of the cooks by asking for some bread and cheese. She tried to sit him down for some porridge and bacon, but he insisted, and she eventually gave in.

For a while Edmund wandered around the town, but as he had no desire to return to the marketplace and every road or alley eventually seemed to lead there, he soon made his way down to the harbour to have a look at the Dawn Treader. He found Drinian there, supervising as the ship was hauled out of the water and into the shipyard.

"What's going on?" Edmund asked in surprise.

"Good morning, Your Majesty," Drinian bowed slightly and then smiled. "Last night King Caspian decided that while we are here the opportunity should be taken to refit the Dawn Treader. It may be the last chance we get."

"Oh," Edmund frowned to himself in frustration. "How long will that take?"

"Probably over a fortnight, Your Majesty," replied the Captain.

"A fortnight!" Edmund exclaimed. His heart sank and he realised how eager he had been to leave Narrowhaven as soon as they could. "I thought we would be leaving almost immediately."

Drinian shook his head, but he smiled sympathetically. "I'm afraid not, Your Majesty. As well as the refit, the King must install the new Governor, and set matters to right here in the Lone Islands. That will take some time."

"I see," Edmund said tightly, and he walked quickly away, not trusting himself to say more. He was angry again, and it frightened him. He'd always hated feeling out of control.

"There you are, Edmund. I've been looking for you everywhere."

Edmund almost groaned aloud as he turned to face Lucy. He should have known she would look for him, and he should have left the harbour, given himself a chance to calm down before he had to face her.

"Are you all right?" Lucy was frowning at him worriedly. "You look very pale, and you weren't at breakfast. Have you eaten?"

"Yes, I have," Edmund answered shortly. He flinched slightly as Lucy reached out a hand and gently touched the bruise on his cheek, and her eyes widened in surprise.

"I say, is it still that sore?" she asked. "I wish you'd tell me how you got it."

"Look, it was just an accident, Lucy," Edmund told her, trying to keep the growing frustration and anger out of his voice. "It will heal. Just forget about it, will you."

Lucy frowned and he knew he hadn't fooled her. "Don't be such a beast, Edmund," she said. "I'm worried about you. I know that you're upset about something and I want to know what it is."

Edmund took a deep breath, struggling to control the fear and anger inside. "I can't tell you, Lucy." He finally managed to say. "Please, I swear to you it's all right, I've talked to Caspian."

Lucy smiled at him doubtfully and Edmund could see the many questions in her eyes.

"All right, Edmund," she finally said, and the relief he felt was almost overwhelming. "Where is Caspian anyway?"

"I don't know," he answered. "Isn't he here?"

"No," said Lucy. "Perhaps he's with Lord Bern."

"Oh, how typical!"

They both turned to find Eustace standing behind them, and Edmund's heart sank. He'd forgotten about Eustace. He only hoped that Eustace wouldn't be as provoking as he usually was. It was not a particularly optimistic hope.

"Of course, when there's all this work to do, he would go off and enjoy himself wouldn't he?" Eustace demanded resentfully.

"I'm sure Caspian is working very hard," Lucy assured him. "He and Lord Bern have a lot to do!"

"Oh yes," sneered Eustace. "Playing at being King as usual."

Edmund found himself biting his lip to keep some sort of control of himself. That now familiar rage was rising again, almost blurring his vision with its fury. "Look, Eustace, just shut up, will you?" he said tightly.

"Why should I, just because you say so?" asked Eustace in his most snide voice. "You're as bad as that beast Caspian, ordering people about and expecting them to fall over themselves to do whatever you want. You're almost as big of a tyrant as he is, and the sooner everyone realises it, the better."

Something inside Edmund snapped and without warning he launched himself at the other boy. Eustace immediately panicked and staggered backwards making them both lose their balance. They fell onto the ground with Edmund desperately trying to pummel Eustace, while Eustace rolled around screaming at the top of his lungs.

" _ **Oh, stop it, both of you,**_ " yelled Lucy.

Edmund became dimly aware of a crowd gathering around them, but he was too furious to care. Then he felt a hand pulling on the back of his tunic and he was dragged to his feet. He struggled but a strong arm clamped tightly around his waist, and a firm voice spoke in his ear.

" _Stop right now_."

Edmund, still in a rage, stopped struggling, and turning his head met Caspian's furious blue eyes.

"What in Aslan's name is going on here?" asked Caspian, and Edmund could hear the restrained anger in his voice.

"He attacked me," yelled Eustace, scrambling to his feet.

"You provoked him," said Lucy angrily.

"That's no excuse," replied Eustace, almost snarling.

"No, it's not," said Caspian calmly. Edmund's fury had been beginning to subside, but at these words it reared again, mixed with an obscure pain. He struggled, but Caspian tightened the arm around his waist, and he couldn't get free.

"Calm down," Caspian whispered in his ear, and then his voice rose again, "No, it's not an excuse for public brawling, but I can well believe that you did provoke King Edmund, Eustace."

"I might have known that you'd take his side," said Eustace, bitterly.

"My Lord Drinian," said Caspian. "Would you take Eustace and find him some useful occupation?"

"With pleasure, Sire," replied Drinian. Eustace opened his mouth, but Drinian gave him such a stern look that he instantly snapped it shut again, and trailed resentfully after the Captain, as he was led to the Dawn Treader.

"And if you would all leave us, I would speak to King Edmund alone," said Caspian.

The crowd had completely dispersed before Caspian spoke again. "Will you tell me what you thought you were doing?" asked Caspian. "I know that he provoked you, but why did you not issue a challenge if you were angry enough to fight?"

"I did not think he was worth it," said Edmund.

"It doesn't matter what you thought," Caspian's voice was firm. "A King of Narnia does not engage in public brawls."

Edmund just managed to stop himself from struggling again. His anger was now tempered with shame and the thought that he had disappointed Caspian hurt. The temptation to run was strong, but even if Caspian hadn't been holding him, he would not have done it. He lifted his chin and replied as steadily as he could.

"You are right. I am sorry and I will also apologise to Eustace. Would you let me go now, please?"

The arm around his waist was removed, but as Edmund stepped forward Caspian's hands gripped his shoulders and turned him. He knew his face was flushed, and worse, his eyes were stinging with unshed tears. He desperately hoped that Caspian wouldn't notice.

Briefly, he glanced up at Caspian. Blue eyes gazed at him with the sternest expression he had yet seen in them.

Quickly he looked away. The hands on his shoulders rested for a moment and then slid down to hold his arms. To his surprise, Caspian shook him gently.

"Enough of this, Edmund," said Caspain. "This is not like you. Why are you so angry?"

"Eustace was being a…"

"Edmund," the voice that interrupted his was reproachful, and Caspian shook him again. "Do you really think this is about Eustace? I know that you don't want to talk about this but I think you must. What happened to you yesterday must have made you angry, and this is understandable, but you cannot take that anger out on other people no matter how annoying they might be. It is not their fault."

Edmund had begun to burn with anger yet again as Caspian had spoken but at the King's final words the emotion that he had been suppressing all night broke free. Shame flushed his face and he stared up at Caspian in misery.

"I know that," he said softly. "It's my fault."

In the back of his mind, his guilt had always been there, and now that he had stopped ignoring it and finally confessed, the relief was so intense that he almost sagged to the ground. Caspian's hands tightened and then his strong arms were around Edmund's waist again, holding him upright.

"How in Aslan's name could you think that, Edmund?" Caspian's voice was incredulous.

"You see, I thought that as no one from Narnia had been here for such a long time, that maybe there wouldn't even be a governor anymore. I should have warned you, but I didn't and all of this happened because I failed."

"I see," said Caspian, his brow wrinkling as he pondered the idea. Edmund watched him and waited for the accusations and reproaches to begin. Instead Caspian hugged him so hard that he gasped for breath, and then he smiled down at Edmund fondly.

"You silly idiot," he said. "I was being such a fool that I might not have listened to you anyway, and the fact remains that I should have been more cautious. I'm leading a group of men into strange, unknown lands. I will never take such risks with their lives again. We should have all been more careful. No one is really to blame," Caspian's eyes hardened, "except the slavers, and the Calormene. There is no excuse for them, and you cannot blame yourself for their actions."

Edmund didn't know what to say. Ever since he'd made the confession, it had felt like a huge weight off his chest… and it also felt like an anti-climax. Had he completely overreacted?

"So, you were really angry at yourself," Caspian was smiling again. "Don't be Edmund. There is no need. We would only go in circles if we looked for someone to blame. It just happened that way, that's all."

"But I still don't know why it happened," Edmund replied without thinking.

"What do you mean?" Caspian asked. "It happened because slavery was legal here."

"No, not that," Edmund answered impatiently. "Why did he… I think Pug meant…" he faltered to a halt, unable to put his thoughts into words.

"Ah," Caspian seemed to be watching him carefully, and then he quickly nodded his head. "Yes, Reep told me a little of what happened with the slavers. You are right, Pug did mean to sell you to a particular type of… client."

"But why me?" And this was the question that had been troubling Edmund all along. He'd been thankful that Lucy had not been treated in the same way, but what was wrong with him that he'd been picked out?

"You're very attractive," Caspian answered, sounding slightly embarrassed, and Edmund felt his face burn a deep fiery red. "Pug decided that he'd get more money for you with the type of clients who would appreciate that. He was right. He'd sold you for a very high price. Again, it's not your fault Edmund; it's just the way things happened. Lucy's too young to appeal to that sort of client, and Eustace is too, well, sullen."

Edmund's face was still burning, but there was still one more thing he had to confess, and it was the hardest. "You see, I'd never… " he finally managed in a strangled whisper. "…well, I'd never actually kissed anyone before..."

"Really?" Caspian's voice sounded surprised and a spark of angry humiliation shot through Edmund. Caspian must have noticed it somehow because he pulled Edmund closer.

"I'm sorry, Edmund," he said. "I just thought that when you were in Narnia before..."

Edmund shook his head. "No, the others did... well, I don't think Lucy would have... but I didn't." He wondered if Caspian would ask him why, and how he would answer him if he did, so he faltered on quickly. "It was so... horrible. I wish I could forget it... but I can't... and it feels like everyone can see it... see what happened."

"It hasn't marked you, Edmund," Caspian said firmly. "The bruise will fade in time as will the pain of the memory. Everyone sees only what you truly are. You are Edmund, King of Narnia under the High King, Duke of Lantern Waste, Count of the Western March and Knight of the Noble Order of the Table. One of the great Kings of Narnia. Do not ever forget that, King Edmund."

The repetition of the titles that he had not heard for so long seemed to pull at Edmund's very core, stirring and awakening emotions and memories that had been dormant, and now pulsed through his veins.

"I won't," he answered, gazing steadily into Caspian's eyes.

Caspian smiled down at him, and Edmund realised with a shock that he was still being held in Caspian's arms. Strangely it didn't embarrass him, at that moment it seemed the most natural thing in the world, and he moved closer, raising his hands to rest lightly on Caspian's waist. The arm around his own waist tightened.

Something flickered in Caspian's eyes, and resonated, breathlessly, in Edmund, but then Caspian quickly released him and stepped back, and the fleeting moment was gone.

"All right then?" Caspian asked softly, his eyes still searching Edmund's face. Edmund nodded.

"I'd better get back to Lord Bern," Caspian began to walk away, but then turned back and looked again at Edmund.

"One thing more, Edmund," he said. "One day you'll know that first kisses are overrated anyway. The second kiss is the one worth waiting for."

By the time Edmund had collected his wits enough to even begin to think of a reply Caspian was long gone.


	4. Chapter 4

After his talk with Caspian, Edmund felt much better. Aside from his strange remark at the end, Caspian had somehow made things seem simple, and his mind had cleared of the confusion that had clouded it. The guilt that he'd been trying to ignore had affected the way he had reacted to everything that had happened and he'd lost himself in a mire of anger and self-pity.

Caspian had reminded him of who he was. The titles he'd held in Narnia were more than just words; they represented the responsibilities and duties that had defined his life as an adult in Narnia, when there had been no room for the weakness he had been suffering from in the last couple of days. He would not forget them again.

The next few days flew by for Edmund, only marred by his having to apologise to Eustace. But even this wasn't as bad as he'd thought it might be. The fight had frightened Eustace, and Drinian had obviously scolded him, and he accepted Edmund's apology in a subdued manner that was almost polite, and then kept to himself as much as possible. Edmund suspected that he was searching Narrowhaven for any sign of a British Consul.

They also did not see Caspian very often. The King spent most of the day in the council chamber with Lord Bern, and only made brief inspections of the work on the Dawn Treader when time permitted. Edmund and Lucy were constantly at the shipyard with Drinian and the crew, helping as much as they could and it was only in the dining hall every night that everyone was gathered together.

The banquet held every night in the palace became the highlight of every day, for Caspian always invited any ship captains or merchants who were in port, and asked them for any information about what they might find as they sailed east. Not many had any useful knowledge, but they all told fascinating tales of their adventures at sea, and mysterious lands, fierce storms and dangerous monsters enlivened the evenings.

It was after another such evening that Caspian sighed and said to Lord Bern, "This is all very entertaining, my Lord, but I could wish for some more accurate information."

"I don't know that you will find it, Your Majesty," Lord Bern replied with a smile. "There are none who sail east these days, and those who have are very old or gone. Although, there is one old Captain living on my estates at Bernstead who may have more than tall tales to tell."

Edmund leaned forward to gaze with interest at Lord Bern. "Perhaps, he could be brought here to speak with us."

"Nay, King Edmund," replied Lord Bern. "He is very old, and I fear he would suffer in making even such a short voyage."

"Then we will go to him," Caspian announced.

"Oh yes, Caspian, do let us. What a wonderful idea," Lucy clapped her hands eagerly. "When shall we go?"

"My wife and daughters would be pleased to welcome you again to our home, Your Majesty," Lord Bern told Caspian, "and any who would accompany you. And as I cannot go myself, I have messages for my family."

Caspian nodded. "I will deliver them for you, my Lord." Then he looked around the room. "Who wishes to join me?"

"I will" and "Me," Edmund and Lucy spoke at the same time and then grinned at each other in amusement.

"Reep?" asked Caspian, directing an enquiring look at the mouse.

"I will join you, Sire."

"And I suppose I will too," Eustace's sulky pronouncement was greeted with barely concealed looks of dismay. "Perhaps there's a British Consul at this Bernstead place."

Lord Bern looked confused, and Edmund snorted softly when he heard Caspian whisper to the puzzled man, "Don't even bother to ask."

* * *

It was two days later, on a glittering, fine morning, that Caspian, Edmund, Lucy, Reepicheep, and Eustace sailed in a small boat for Avra. They each carried a small bag, for it had been decided that they would stay for two nights. The old sea captain lived some distance away from Bernstead on the outer reaches of Lord Bern's estate, and the next day they would ride out to see him.

Edmund had not seen Avra since the time when he had been a King of Narnia, and he was curious to see the changes that had occurred. Then, only small isolated farming or fishing villages had populated it, but now he saw that Bernstead was a thriving town, and Lord Bern's estate looked prosperous. Lord Bern had never allowed slavery on Avra, and the people looked happy and content.

Lord Bern's wife gave them a very warm welcome, and his four merry daughters greeted Caspian with great delight. They were all pretty girls, the eldest not much younger than Caspian and Edmund noticed, with a strange tight feeling in his chest, that she blushed shyly whenever Caspian spoke to her. The other three were younger than Edmund, and they took one look at Lucy, and dragged her away amidst giggles and whispers.

Caspian was busy talking to Lord Bern's wife and so Edmund found himself alone with Reepicheep and Eustace. The other boy directed one glaring look at Edmund and Reep and then announced that he was going back to the town to explore. After a shared look of agreement, they cheerfully let him go.

Edmund and Reep spent the afternoon, wandering around the grounds of Lord Bern's comfortable house. The gardens were beautiful and peaceful, and the animal yards and stables clean and well kept. In the stables, they met one of the grooms, a lad about Edmund's age, and stayed there until evening, talking about the horses and then about the adventures they hoped to have as they sailed east. The groom sighed and looked wistful and Edmund knew that he wished he could join them, but then he looked around the stables with a grin and said that he'd miss his horses too much, and he didn't think they'd fit on a ship, and they all laughed.

It was at the evening meal that he saw the others again. Eustace looked grumpy and disappointed and did not speak to anyone, and Edmund sighed to himself and wished for the hundredth time that the other boy had not been pulled through the picture into Narnia with them. Lord Bern's wife and eldest daughter occupied Caspian's attention, and Edmund felt faint stirrings of unease when he saw the soft glow on the daughter's face and the way Caspian smiled at her. But it was Lucy's behaviour, which concerned Edmund the most. His sister spent the entire time either whispering and laughing with Lord Bern's younger daughters or gazing with amusement at Caspian. As the night went on Edmund grew more and more annoyed so that when the meal was over and they retired for bed he followed Lucy to her room.

"What on earth were you doing?" he demanded as soon as the door was closed behind them.

"What?" For a moment Lucy looked confused and then her face cleared. "Oh, it was just so sweet, don't you think?"

"What?" It was Edmund's turn to feel confused.

"Caspian and Cara, of course," Lucy told him, looking at him as if he was the biggest idiot in the world. "Her sisters told me that she likes Caspian. Do you think he realises? I do, and I think he likes her too."

Something tightened painfully in Edmund's chest. "Well, he shouldn't," he said, surprised to hear the anger in his voice.

Lucy blinked. "Why not?"

Again the old vision of Caspian and Peter rose before Edmund's eyes and again, he wished he knew what it meant. Did they love each other? And if they did, how could Caspian look at someone else? He shook his head in frustration and saw that Lucy was staring at him.

"It's not fair," he finally muttered. "He shouldn't lead her on like that. He'll only end up hurting her."

"Well, honestly Edmund," Lucy snapped. "How could you think that of Caspian? For all you know he might decide to marry her."

"Marry her? We're sailing off to the east in a few days, how can he marry her?"

"Oh, don't be so dense. You know he'll return to Narnia eventually."

Edmund swallowed and found that his throat was painfully constricted. "You don't know what you're talking about Lucy."

Lucy's face was now red with anger. "And why not? Caspian has to marry eventually," her eyes narrowed speculatively. "I say, are you jealous? Perhaps you like her yourself."

Edmund had been pacing around the room but now he froze in shock and he could feel the colour drain from his face. Then a sort of chill anger gripped him and he drew himself up and glared disdainfully at Lucy.

"Please remember, Lucy," he said coldly, "that you are a Queen of Narnia and strive to behave like one."

He didn't give her a chance to answer and the brief glimpse he had of her frozen face before he left the room told him that she had not yet thought of anything to say.

He strode down the corridor and entered his own room, slamming the door behind him. He was still trembling with anger when he climbed into bed and blew out the candle.

* * *

Edmund spent a restless night and woke early. They were to ride to visit the old sea captain that day and would have to leave immediately after breakfast so instead of trying to go back to sleep he got up and dressed. He wanted to apologise to Lucy. Now that he had calmed down, he wondered why he had become so angry the previous night. When Lucy had accused him of being jealous, his heart had almost seemed to stop and he had suddenly been struggling for breath. Then, almost before he recognised the feeling as fear, the fury had taken over.

Soft voices, and then footsteps, echoed in the corridor outside as he approached his own door and he wondered who else was already awake but when he opened it no one was there. He glanced in the opposite direction and saw one of the doors further along close gently. He rather thought it was Caspian's room and wondered, briefly if there had been some sort of message. Edmund knocked on Lucy's door and there was no answer.

Lucy wasn't at breakfast and it wasn't until they all gathered in the stable yard that Edmund saw her. She was waiting by the mounting block for her horse and the look she gave Edmund was cold and distant. His heart sank; he knew he'd really hurt her badly. He had insulted her as a Queen and his apology would have to be to that Queen rather than to his sister.

Edmund crossed the yard and knelt on one knee before Lucy, sweeping his riding hat off his head. He took one of her small hands in his and looked gravely into her eyes.

"Your Majesty," he said. "In Aslan's name, allow me to offer you my most heartfelt apologies for the insult I made you last night and for my uncouth behaviour. Please forgive me."

Lucy's dimples appeared immediately and he could tell she was pleased. "Oh, Edmund, you silly thing, do get up. Of course I forgive you."

As Edmund rose from the ground, love for his sister swelled his heart. "You're the most generous person I know, Lucy," he said seriously and kissed her hand.

"Well, what a touching scene." Eustace's snide voice interrupted the moment and Edmund couldn't help it, he grinned. Rueful amusement brimmed in Lucy's eyes.

"Shut up, Eustace," they both said at the same time and snorted with laughter.

"Shall we make a start?"

Edmund turned and found Caspian watching them, his eyes lit with amusement. Beside him stood the groom that Edmund and Reep had met the day before and in his hands were the reins of a large black stallion that he had admired in the stables.

Another groom led a chestnut mare up to Edmund and he patted her nose softly. He almost jumped when he felt a hand rest heavily on his shoulder and he looked up into concerned blue eyes.

"All right?" asked Caspian, and the offer was clear in his voice for Edmund to talk if he needed to.

"Oh, we just had a silly argument," Edmund said quickly, alarmed to feel his face flush slightly as he remembered just what he and Lucy had quarrelled over.

Caspian looked at him for a moment and then helped him into the saddle. Edmund watched as Caspian mounted the black stallion and so he saw when the young groom rested his hand on Caspian's thigh and spoke to him. Edmund's eyes widened as Caspian touched the groom's cheek briefly and then winked at him. Then Reep was handed up to Caspian and, before Edmund could even think about what he'd just witnessed, they were off.

* * *

The ride to the sea captain's house took a couple of hours and in that time Edmund found himself returning again and again to what he had seen pass between Caspian and the groom. He couldn't understand it, it was just a touch and a wink but something about it unsettled him. There had been something in Caspian's eyes, something too intimate for such a short acquaintance. He wondered what on earth Caspian was doing; first he flirted with Cara, Lord Bern's daughter, and now with Lord Bern's groom. And there was still Peter to consider as well. He could only imagine that Caspian had accepted that he would never see Peter again, and was moving on… to a lot of different people.

He felt strangely disappointed, and Edmund decided suddenly that he was spending too much time thinking about Caspian. He forced himself to concentrate on the scenery around them and after a while it wasn't too hard for Avra was still as beautiful as he'd remembered it. The sun was warm but not too hot and he hadn't ridden for such a long time. Edmund found himself enjoying the ride immensely.

Eventually they reached the sea captain's cottage and they watered the horses at a nearby stream and tethered them to some shady trees. The sea captain had been warned to expect them and as they refreshed themselves with ale on a bench outside his cottage, the old man lit his pipe and gazed with dreamy eyes at the endless vista of the ocean before them.

Then he told them stories. Unfortunately they were stories that they had heard already from the sea captains in Narrowhaven and Edmund could see the polite frustration growing on Caspian's face. As the time passed Edmund began to lose interest and he was gazing mindlessly out at the blue waves when there was a sudden silence.

"What did you say, good sir?" Reepicheep's squeak of excitement captured Edmund's attention and he turned to find the others all gazing at the Captain avidly. Except, he noticed, Eustace, who appeared to be fast asleep.

"Why, Sir Mouse, I said that beyond the rim of fire there is Aslan's country and that's beyond the end of the world. So you can't get there." The old man nodded wisely at Reepicheep.

"Have you seen this?" Reepicheep asked, almost breathless.

"Nay, but my father told me of it," replied the old man.

Reepicheep was now speechless with wonder and it was Caspian who asked the next question.

"And nothing else?"

"Nay, Your Majesty."

"Aslan's country," Lucy breathed. "Oh, if only we should find it!"

Her face glowed with joy and Edmund found it was infectious. For the first time since they had arrived in Narrowhaven he felt excitement and anticipation for the journey ahead. He couldn't wait to be at sea again and when he looked at Caspian and Reep he could see they felt the same. Eustace was still asleep.

Almost as if they could leave that moment for the east, Caspian rose and quickly thanked the old man. He shook Eustace awake and then herded them all to the horses.

For a long time as they rode back they were silent, each lost in his own thoughts, and then finally Edmund could hear Reepicheep's piping voice as he sang the song the Dryad had sung to him in his cradle.

* * *

That night at the evening banquet Edmund remembered Lucy's behaviour of the night before and for a while he watched her carefully. But it seemed that Lucy had taken his words to heart for while she still talked and laughed with Lord Bern's daughters there was no sign of any interest in Caspian or Cara. Edmund's relief was short-lived however for when he turned his attention away from Lucy he found that Caspian was being even more attentive to Cara than he had been the night before.

Edmund simply could not understand it. One minute it seemed that Caspian was interested in the groom, the next minute he was with Cara. Or perhaps he was misjudging Caspian and he'd completely misunderstood the scene with the groom that morning? After all it wasn't like anything had really happened beyond a friendly exchange of smiles, but it had just seemed too… intimate. Edmund almost shook his head in frustration over the confusion whirling in his mind.

As the evening wore on and the smiles between Caspian and Cara grew warmer, Edmund became even more confused and then, finally, resentful. He told himself that Caspian's behaviour was an insult to Peter, it wouldn't have been so bad if Caspian had simple fallen in love with someone else, but instead it seemed that he just played with other people's feelings, which meant that the night he'd kissed Peter he'd probably just been playing with him as well. Edmund was pretty sure that Peter would never have done the same thing to Caspian.

It was in the middle of a song from Lord Bern's bard that it all finally became too much for Edmund and in a sudden flash of anger he flew out of his chair, ready to burst into angry speech. But as a shocked silence descended and all eyes turned towards him, common sense returned and, flushing a deep red of embarrassment, Edmund stormed out of the hall.

He found himself on a large terrace and leaned on the railing gazing up at the moon. Eventually his cheeks cooled, his humiliation eased and he realised that once again, he'd allowed anger and resentment to take away his control. It seemed it was becoming a habit and its source appeared to be Caspian. Why, in the name of Aslan, was he so caught up in Caspian's behaviour? Why did it make him so furious that Caspian appeared to have forgotten Peter?

"Your Majesty?"

A soft, low voice came from the darkness before him, startling Edmund out of his reverie.

"Yes?" he answered automatically.

There was a pause; so long that Edmund began to think the owner of the voice had gone.

"What is it?" he finally asked.

"I'm here," the voice answered, sounding hesitant.

"So? I say, who are you?" Edmund peered into the darkness trying to see who this strange person was and then a shape stepped forward out of the shadow and he could just glimpse the outline of a male figure before it hastily disappeared out of his sight.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty," the voice floated back to him from a distance, and Edmund guessed that his mysterious visitor was making a quick retreat.

"What in Aslan's name…?" Edmund fell silent as he heard footsteps approaching behind him and he turned swiftly to find Caspian standing a few paces away, his face shining silvery in the full moonlight. For a brief second Edmund thought he looked surprised, then the look was gone so swiftly that Edmund could not be sure he'd even seen it, but the sneaking suspicion he was beginning to feel remained strong all the same.

"Were you expecting someone else?" he couldn't resist asking snidely, and already he was caught in the swell of resentment against Caspian yet again.

In the bright moonlight Edmund saw Caspian's eyebrows rise but his expression was inscrutable.

"What is wrong with you, Edmund?" asked Caspian, completely ignoring Edmund's own question. "Your leave-taking at the banquet was quite remarkable and your manner just now even more so. I begin to think that I have offended you somehow for while you apologise to Lucy for your behaviour toward her, I seem to deserve no such honour for your rude behaviour toward myself."

The haughty tone behind the words stunned Edmund into silence. He had never heard Caspian speak like this, except for once on that terrible day in the marketplace when he had threatened the soldier who had held the rope that bound Edmund. To be on the receiving end of such a tone was, Edmund felt, to know what it was like to be an enemy to the King of Narnia. He swallowed heavily, fear and resentment churning inside, unable to think of anything to say.

"Hath I offended thee, King Edmund? Hast thou no answer?"

The change to formal speech cleared Edmund's head and alerted him to the danger he was in. His expression was still calm but Caspian was obviously furious and had reached the end of his patience. With a clear mind Edmund could now remember just how patient Caspian had been before, how he had helped Edmund cope with the aftermath of the slave market, and now Edmund was repaying that kindness with rudeness and harsh judgement. And he had no right to judge Caspian, especially on Peter's behalf, on a matter he should have no knowledge of. The only being with that right was Aslan and Edmund knew how forgiving Aslan was, of crimes far worse than any Caspian would be likely to commit.

He bowed his head in shame. "There is no offence, Your Majesty, and I beg thy forgiveness. Wilt thou bestow it?"

"I will," Caspian replied and stepped closer, raising Edmund's face with one finger under his chin. "But I would hear an explanation."

Edmund sighed. What on earth could he possibly say? He could not, would not, lie now. The silence grew longer and Edmund thought frantically while Caspian stood before him watching him sternly. Finally, to Edmund's great relief, Caspian smiled and shook his head in obvious amusement.

"Edmund, Edmund," he said. "Do you think I do not know, anyway?"

"What?" Edmund gasped, as the terrible fear rose that somehow Caspian knew that Edmund had seen him with Peter.

"This is about the Lady Cara," Caspian replied.

A rather sick feeling began to rise in Edmund's stomach as he realised that Caspian must have guessed that his behaviour arose from resentment over Caspian's attentions to Cara and he hoped desperately that Caspian hadn't also guessed that Edmund suspected him of even more romantic attentions to the groom. Before Caspian could say anything more, Edmund launched into speech.

"Lucy thinks you might marry Cara," he blurted out.

"I could point out that this is neither Lucy's business, nor yours," said Caspian. "But I did not realise that you were interested in her yourself."

Edmund blinked in surprise and then tried vainly to suppress the bubble of laughter that rose in him at the absurdity of Caspian's misunderstanding. As he failed completely and practically snorted in Caspian's face, he rather began to suspect that he was going mad.

"I gather I was wrong about that," Caspian commented dryly and Edmund snorted again. "Then, would you explain to me what this is all about? I thought you were jealous and I…" he trailed off into thoughtful silence.

Edmund pulled himself together and attempted to put together an explanation that contained honesty as well as prevarication.

"You see, I thought you had someone back in Narnia that you were… you know… had feelings for…" he faltered as Caspian's attention focused on him again with clear puzzlement in his eyes.

"I am certain that I have never given you any reason to suppose such a thing."

And Edmund could not deny that this was certainly true. Caspian's behaviour within the last couple of days, with both Cara and the groom, had certainly proved it.

"No," he finally replied, rather wistfully. "I just thought that…"

"Edmund," Caspian's voice was tightly controlled and Edmund glanced up at him in surprise at the stress he could plainly hear.

"Edmund," Caspian continued, after clearing his throat slightly. "I like Cara, and she likes me. I can't see into the future and I don't know what may happen. I do know that I have a duty as a King of Narnia to marry and produce an heir. " Caspian paused and Edmund heard him take a deep breath before continuing, "Love… love and duty don't always go together. There are times when you can't have both but you _can_ have friendship, companionship, and honour in its place. As a former King of Narnia you _must_ know this."

Edmund could only nod, still surprised at the tension in not just Caspian's voice but his whole body. After a moment, Caspian also nodded and then with one gracefully swift movement, he moved forward, vaulted over the terrace railing and disappeared into the darkness; and Edmund was left with the troubling feeling that Caspian had been trying to tell him something else as well. Something that he'd missed completely.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day they left Bernstead and a few days after that they sailed from Narrowhaven in the newly refurbished Dawn Treader and left the Lone Islands behind them. Edmund could not feel sorry to see them fade into the distance, the time he had spent there had been both painful and confusing. It was quite a shame in a way because he'd always rather liked the Lone Islands but he had a strange feeling that he would never see them again. This was disturbing, because surely they must stop at the Lone Islands on their return voyage to Narnia? Still the feeling persisted and he could only conclude that he would probably not see Narnia either.

The days passed in a slow glide of blue water and blissful sunshine. Everyone on the ship was happy and quietly excited about the adventures to come (except Eustace), everyone on the ship had the most marvellous appetites (except Eustace), and everything seemed perfect. Lucy spent most of her time playing chess with Reep, Eustace spent most of his time scribbling in a notebook in the cabin he shared with Caspian and Edmund, and Caspian spent most of his time with Drinian, discussing the voyage ahead. As for Edmund, he sat in the warm sunshine and thought about everything that had happened in the Lone Islands. With clear hindsight he could see how childishly he had behaved and how he had let fear and anger control him so thoroughly. He hoped, with Aslan's help, that he would not do so again.

Caspian had not spoken a word about their conversation on the terrace and Edmund did not feel he could do so, even though he was still unsure about exactly what Caspian had meant. There was no sign of the tension Caspian had shown then, he seemed his usual relaxed and friendly self, and Edmund almost began to feel that he had imagined the whole thing, except that very occasionally he caught a troubled look in Caspian's eyes when they met his.

Then the beautiful days they were enjoying ended as swiftly as a bird changes flight. It was Lucy who noticed the clouds building up behind them. Enormous, ugly clouds, billowing threateningly as they seemed to devour the sky. Within minutes of Drinian calling for all hands on deck and before they had barely battened down the hatches, the full onslaught of the storm hit them.

In no time at all the ship was swamped and listing badly. Edmund fought his way down the main deck and began to work with some of the crew on the ropes to haul the sail down. He heard Drinian order Lucy below, and with his heart in his mouth watched her struggle to reach the cabin. When she disappeared inside, he heaved a huge sigh of relief.

Then another huge wave hit them and it was all any of them could do just to hold onto the rope as they fought with everything they had to control the sail. Edmund could see Drinian's mouth moving as he yelled orders to them but none of them could hear anything above the screaming of the wind. Edmund had been at sea before, both in this world and his own, but he had never seen anything to rival the storm that now attacked them from all sides. For the first time he wondered what would happen if he were to die here - what would his parent's think if he and Lucy never returned?

After that there was no time for more thought or even to feel the terror that they should be feeling. There was only time to struggle with ropes, avoid breaking timbers, and hopelessly bail the water that never seemed to lessen. Edmund struggled on, barely noticing the others around him, exhaustion numbing his mind as well as his body.

Then, what seemed to be the most gigantic wave yet hit them and Edmund somehow lost his grip on the rope he was holding. He never afterwards forgot the terrible helplessness he experienced as he found himself completely surrounded by thrashing water, gasping for breath, unable to tell if he was even still near the ship. His head cracked painfully against something hard, and blindly he reached for it and then the water was suddenly gone and he was kneeling on the deck of the ship, his knuckles turning white as he clung onto the railing.

Strong hands gripped his arms and he was hauled to his feet. It was Caspian, white with fear and exhaustion but blue eyes blazing with anger. He yelled something that Edmund could not hear, there was so much creaking of timbers around them, and then he flung an arm around Edmund's waist and began to drag him towards the cabins.

The wind died for a moment and a strange, heavy silence descended around them. Edmund took the opportunity to yell in Caspian's ear.

"Caspian, what are you doing?"

"Taking you below." Caspian shouted back.

"No, I'm fine," Edmund yelled but the wind was screaming again and he could never be sure whether Caspian heard him or just chose to ignore him.

By now they had reached the stern cabin. Caspian wrenched open the door and they practically fell inside. The door slammed behind them and the sudden silence and stillness of the air, after the roaring around them outside, made Edmund's ears ring.

"Look, I'm fine Caspian," Edmund said. "Just fell over, that's all."

"I saw what happened, Edmund," Caspian held him upright by his arms and peered anxiously into his face. "And you're not fine. You're bleeding."

"Am I?" Edmund asked him, wishing the ringing in his ears would stop. "I'm so wet I can't tell."

"You hit your head. I'd better get Lucy to look at you."

"Don't be silly, Caspian. I'm really fine and we should both be on deck helping."

Caspian had found a cloth somewhere in the cabin and was now holding Edmund's chin firmly as he dabbed at the blood on Edmund's forehead. When the cloth rasped against the cut that was there Edmund hissed and jerked his head away.

"Be still, Edmund." Caspian said, gripping his chin once more. "Look, you won't be much use if that thump on the head has dazed you but if Lucy gives you a drop of her cordial you should be fine.

"Hmph," Edmund snorted, but held still and gazed up at Caspian. Perhaps Caspian was right, he thought, he did feel strange and his ears were still ringing as well. Caspian didn't look too well either, his face was too pale and his eyes were too dark, and that troubled look was back in them.

"Perhaps she should give you some cordial as well," Edmund suggested.

For a moment Caspian looked startled and then he smiled in wry amusement.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't be much use."

"Why not?" asked Edmund, curiously.

"I don't think it can do anything for temptation."

The reply was so strange, and Caspian's tone and manner were so serious and odd as he said the words, that for a moment Edmund wondered if the thump to his head had done more damage than he'd thought.

He frowned at Caspian, completely lost. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly," Caspian replied. "I'll get Lucy." He knocked on the door to her cabin, spoke to her briefly and then left.

Edmund was still speechless with confusion when Lucy gave him a drop of her cordial, and he replied so vaguely to her questions that she even made him lie down for a while. After she had left him he replayed the whole conversation in his mind. It still did not make sense. The only conclusion he could come to was that Caspian had been hit on the head as well.

* * *

The next twelve days were horrible as the storm raged around them and they worked endlessly, barely stopping to rest. They lost the main mast and a man overboard, teams of three took turns at the tiller, and there was always bailing, constant bailing of water. The Dawn Treader was a wreck and it was an endless struggle to keep her afloat.

Everyone helped, even Reep and Lucy, who could not go on deck, made themselves useful by trying to get clothes dry and organising food and hot drinks when possible. Edmund even managed to get Eustace out on deck, mainly by threats and force, and while he wasn't much use at least he could bail water.

Finally the storm passed but immediately they were in an entirely new danger. They were becalmed, with not a breath of wind, and they had lost two barrels of water. Immediate rationing began and for a day they debated what to do. In the end they could only go on. There was no wind and the storm had blown them so far east that they were too far from the Lone Islands to row back. With the added lack of drinking water they could not attempt it anyway.

So they drifted, as the sunny days also drifted by, and Edmund could not help but wonder at the difference from the idyllic period before the storm. Now they were always thirsty and everybody was worried and bored. Tempers became short.

The tedium of their days gave Edmund plenty of time to wonder about Caspian's strange behaviour and he still could make no sense of it. He wondered if he should ask Caspian if anything was wrong with him and he had almost made up his mind to do so when he made the astonishing discovery that Caspian seemed to be avoiding him. It had been done so subtly that he had not noticed until he actually tried to talk to Caspian alone and then it seemed that whenever he approached him Caspian would find a reason to disappear.

It hurt and confused Edmund. It even made him slightly angry and he became determined to find an opportunity to find out what on earth was wrong with Caspian.

The time came sooner than he had hoped for. That night as he lay in his hammock, hoping that the next day would bring sight of land with a wealth of beautifully clear and cold lakes, Edmund heard Eustace get up and quietly leave the cabin. Edmund waited for a moment but when Eustace did not come back he swung himself out of his hammock and padded over to where Caspian lay in his.

"Caspian, are you awake?" he whispered.

There was a moment of silence and then he finally heard a whispered reply.

"Yes. What is it?"

"Look," whispered Edmund. "I just wanted to make sure that you're all right."

"I'm fine," Caspian replied. "Go back to sleep."

Edmund was not going to give up so easily. "I thought you were avoiding me."

Caspian suddenly swung himself out of his hammock and stood up, seeming to tower over Edmund in the dim light. Edmund stepped back swiftly, taken aback. Sometimes he forgot how tall Caspian had gotten since the last time he'd been in Narnia. At this moment that extra height intimidated him and he had a suspicion that this was exactly what Caspian had been hoping to achieve.

He squared his shoulders and asked again. "Were you?"

"Perhaps," Caspian answered calmly and Edmund wished he could see his face. "We are in a dangerous situation and I have much on my mind at the moment. I've needed time alone."

"You haven't been avoiding everyone else," Edmund said, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. "Why me?"

A long silence followed in which Edmund strained to hear or see some response from Caspian but the figure before him was so still that Edmund began to wonder if Caspian was actually breathing.

"Edmund, please don't do this," Caspian finally spoke. "I have not the strength at the moment."

Caspian's voice sounded more tired than Edmund had ever heard it. His heart swelled in sympathy and he reached forward blindly finally finding Caspian's hand and holding it with his own.

"I say, Caspian, you helped me when I needed it and I want to help you. I wish you'd tell me what is wrong," he said.

He heard an impatient sigh. "Edmund, you fool…" Caspian said, his voice harsh, and Edmund was just about to protest at this rudeness when Caspian's fingers tightened in his hand and he was pulled forward into a strong hug.

Edmund's anger faded immediately and he returned the hug, glad that Caspian had accepted his help in some form. Then Caspian's lips brushed Edmund's forehead and his arms tightened around Edmund's waist. Edmund's heart suddenly started beating so hard that he was sure the whole ship could hear it. Before he could think about why this was or what he should do, Caspian's lips pressed against his own.

Edmund froze completely, unable to comprehend how this had happened. For a moment he imagined himself back in the market square at Narrowhaven and panic began to swell, and then he felt Caspian's hand come to rest on his neck, the thumb brushing his cheek. The movement was reassuring and comforting, mirroring the gentle brush of Caspian's lips against his.

Edmund slowly relaxed and he found himself noticing small details. Caspian's lips were soft but firm, and they were slightly dry and cracked from the lack of water of the past few days. Because of that lack of water Caspian had not shaved either and the bristles on his face scraped against Edmund's face as Caspian moved closer, deepening the kiss. It was an odd feeling but Edmund liked it and a strange heat flooded through his body.

Until that moment Edmund had been completely still, taken aback with shock and simply letting what was happening wash over him. But as Caspian moved still nearer, Edmund snapped out of his reverie, intending to shove Caspian away but instead sliding his arms around Caspian's waist once more and returning the caress of Caspian's lips with his own, at first somewhat clumsily, then with growing eagerness.

Caspian moaned, a soft sound of approval that made Edmund's stomach flutter, not in fear or illness, but with a deliciously warm feeling of excitement. He wanted more, he wanted to hear that sound again, and it seemed that Caspian sensed this for his lips pressed harder and they moved against Edmund's so insistently that he gasped with pleasure, and Caspian's tongue swept into his mouth, stroking slowly and making that strange heat burn even hotter throughout Edmund's body.

It felt incredible. Edmund had never imagined anything could feel so good. He was caught in every sensation, the strength he could feel in Caspian's body pressed against his, the heat and slick wetness of Caspian's tongue against his own tongue, and the soft silkiness of Caspian's hair as Edmund ran his hand through it, attempting to pull Caspian's mouth even closer to his own. The heat that flooded his body now burned hottest between his legs, making him so hard there it was almost painful.

Then, just as the knowledge of his own desire burst open in Edmund's mind, it was swiftly followed by cold, terrible fear. These wild feelings and sensations were careening totally out of control and instinctively Edmund fought against them, lifting his hands and pushing against Caspian's chest.

Immediately he was released and the rush of cold air against his heated body was shocking, clearing his head quickly. He looked up, straining in the dim light to see Caspian's face.

For a moment they both stood in silence and Edmund somehow knew that Caspian was as shocked as he was by what had happened.

"Caspian, I can't..." Edmund had faltered to silence even before Caspian raised a hand to stop him.

"It's all right, Edmund," Caspian's voice sounded calm but Edmund could hear the breathlessness behind it. "I understand. I should not have... I'm sorry... I knew you were ignorant of..."

The words were like a lash against his skin and Edmund felt the hot flush of anger and humiliation rising in him. He wanted to hit Caspian at that moment and he clenched his fists tightly by his side, willing himself to keep control.

" _How dare you..._ " he hissed.

" **DRAW YOUR SWORD, POLTROON!** "

Reepicheep's voice thundered throughout the ship and they both jumped. The ship seemed to shudder as feet thundered overhead and they heard Eustace scream in fear and fury.

Someone banged on the door and Drinian's muffled voice filtered into the cabin.

"Your Majesty, are you awake?"

"Yes," said Caspian, and he strode to the door, angrily flinging it open and almost breaking Drinian's nose. "What has happened now?" He disappeared onto the deck with Drinian trailing behind him.

Edmund stayed in the cabin, feeling shocked and strangely numb. With the swift interruption his anger had faded and now the whole incident almost seemed like a dream, but it wasn't, because his lips still tingled with the memory of Caspian's mouth. He touched them and they felt swollen and tender. The hot flash of anger had now faded and in its place was a sort of cold pain.

Caspian's words echoed in his mind, sharpening the humiliation and shame that still lingered. It was all too clear to him now that the anger he had felt back in the Lone Islands about Cara, and the groom, had been jealousy, not for Peter's sake but for his own. Caspian's kiss had drawn a response from him so strong that it had finally opened his eyes. He could see how all his embarrassment whenever he remembered the kiss he'd seen was not from guilt but because deep down he'd wished that it had been himself in Peter's place.

Had Caspian seen this and responded to it and then after seeing Edmund's fear and inexperience immediately realised that he, Edmund, could never replace Peter?

A fresh wave of embarrassment swept over Edmund and he felt the flush of heat burning his cheeks. _I'll never be able to look him in the face again_ , he thought to himself miserably. _By Aslan, how I wish it had never happened. I wish I'd never seen them, and I wish I'd never come back here._

Loud yelling from above finally penetrated Edmund's thoughts and he left the cabin and went up on the deck to find out what had happened with Eustace and Reep. The matter was more serious than he had expected it to be. Reepicheep had caught Eustace trying to steal water. Edmund could see that Caspian was furiously angry and he wondered if all of it was directed at Eustace or if some of it was anger about what had just happened in their cabin.

It was hard to even look at Caspian without again feeling humiliating heat flooding his face and eventually Edmund returned to the cabin and got into his hammock. When Eustace and Caspian came back he pretended to be asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days were tense and miserable for Edmund. The memory of what had happened was in his mind constantly, everything he had felt, from the intense pleasure and desire, to all the anger and humiliation, was relived again and again, to such an extent that he often did not remember how thirsty he was all the time. And no matter how much he thought about what had happened his confusion never eased. He did not know why or how he had become attracted to Caspian and he did not know why Caspian had kissed him but he regretted both situations deeply. He avoided Caspian at all times and felt a perverse disappointment that Caspian made no effort to talk to him. It was all too obvious to Edmund that Caspian was also avoiding a confrontation.

On the fifth day they sighted land and the next day, to everyone's great relief, they landed. It was amazing to taste fresh water again, to know that they could drink as much as they wanted, and to swim and bathe in the river was pure heaven.

For Edmund the relief was even greater; there was now much more space available in which to avoid Caspian, and after a meal and a rest they had so much work to do that he was even able to avoid thinking about him.

The rest of the day passed pleasantly. Edmund and Lucy were assigned to the task of mending the casks and it was such a change to have useful work to do, after days of sitting around thinking, that the time almost seemed to pass too swiftly. Lucy talked and laughed all the time and Edmund found that he could not resist her infectious good humour.

As the sun began to sink they had another merry meal. Hope and laughter had returned to the crew and Edmund felt that there was not one among them for whom he did not feel kinship and affection. It was, of course, at this moment that he noticed Eustace was missing.

A search party was immediately organised and a very irritated party it was, led by a grimly silent Caspian with Edmund trailing at the rear. All of Edmund's annoyance with Eustace fled when they found the valley with the dead dragon. The thought that Eustace could have met his end in such a way was horrifying. For all his bad temper Eustace was Edmund's kinsman, and how would he ever explain what had happened to Eustace's parents?

Then the moment came when they realised that another dragon had turned up on the beach. And this one was alive. They discussed for a long time what should be done and finally Caspian decided that they would meet it at dawn and face whatever fate befell them. And when Caspian said that Edmund should fight at his right side, for the first time in a week Edmund met the King's eyes. Caspian's gaze was steady and reassuring but Edmund thought he could see a faint question in the depths of his blue eyes before he nodded and looked away.

When the sun rose, after a sleepless night for all of them, they marched down to the beach. Edmund strode beside Caspian, sword at the ready, and tried to steadfastly ignore the fear he felt, and how reassuring was Caspian's nearness.

After this the rest of the morning almost seemed like a dream for it turned out that the dragon was, amazingly, Eustace. And it was immediately obvious that more had changed about Eustace than his size and shape. Misery and shame shone from his large glowing eyes and he displayed such an anxiety to help and please that nobody could remain angry with him. Although no one had any idea what they should do with him.

They talked and discussed this amazing situation for most of the morning but eventually there was nothing more to say except that they would have to decide later and they all went back to work. Eustace immediately proved his new usefulness by joining the hunting group.

Edmund and Lucy returned to the work of repairing the casks. At first they talked only of Eustace but eventually a long silence fell.

"Edmund," Lucy's voice finally broke the quiet and there was something so hesitant about the way she spoke that Edmund looked up quickly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I…" Lucy frowned and Edmund realised that she was actually nervous. He reached over and took her hand, immediately concerned.

"Lucy, are you all right?"

"Actually… I was going to ask you that," the words came out in a rush and she smiled at him almost shyly.

"Oh." Edmund dropped her hand.

"Yes" Lucy continued. "The last few days, I've been worried about you. You seem so…" he could see her struggling to find the words and interrupted her quickly.

"There's no reason to worry." He said firmly.

"Is it something to do with Caspian?"

The quick question took him completely by surprise and to his horror he could feel the heat of embarrassment flooding his face. Any hope he had of her not noticing vanished when he saw her eyes widen in astonishment.

"Edmund, what is it?" she breathed.

Edmund knew he had to think of something quickly or she would never leave it alone. "Really it's nothing, Lucy." He saw the doubt in her eyes and continued before she could speak. "All right, we had a… a slight disagreement over something. But it's nothing to worry about."

"Oh, but Edmund, I know that you're not talking to each other so surely it wasn't that slight. What was it about?"

"I… can't say, Lucy," Edmund finally answered. "Please, don't worry about it."

"Perhaps if I talked to Caspian…"

" **NO!** "

Lucy's eyes were full of shock and Edmund saw that a few nearby members of the crew had raised their heads at his loud exclamation.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he said quietly. "Look, I can't explain it but it will pass. Please just leave it alone."

"Will you sort it out soon?" she asked anxiously. "I hate to see you both like this."

Edmund closed his eyes for a moment in pained resignation. He knew his sister, he knew she would persist until the problem, as she saw it, was resolved, and he was going to have to find a way of making her leave them alone.

"Yes." He said shortly.

She nodded, apparently satisfied for the moment, and Edmund breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Then his stomach sank as he wondered how many of the others had noticed the distance between Caspian and himself. When he looked up and saw Caspian standing nearby watching them his stomach sank even further.

* * *

Edmund was still wondering how he could appease Lucy when the next morning the problem was taken out of his hands. After breakfast Caspian as usual gave his orders for the day, sending Eustace to fly over the island with Drinian in search of a mast and directing various others to mend casks or repair sails. Finally he looked at Edmund.

"And King Edmund and I will hunt," he said. "We will return before supper."

Without thinking Edmund opened his mouth to protest, met Caspian's steady gaze and finally nodded. He turned and saw Lucy watching him anxiously and tried to look reassuring.

For the first half hour Caspian and Edmund walked in silence, Edmund trailing behind the King, his heart thumping hard in his chest and his mouth dry. He was just beginning to think that nothing would happen when Caspian halted and turned to face him. At the resolute expression on Caspian's face Edmunds heart raced faster than ever.

"Edmund," Caspian's voice was calm and quiet. "Now that we have some privacy and there is no chance of being overheard we must discuss this."

An annoying little thrill went through Edmund as he realised that Caspian had not been avoiding him… he'd simply been waiting for the best opportunity to talk and he knew that he did not want to hear what Caspian was going to say.

"I don't agree," he said, rather breathlessly.

"Edmund," Caspian shook his head in frustration. "Lucy is not the only one to have noticed our… problem."

So Caspian _had_ known what he and Lucy had been talking about... and Edmund was just another _problem_. Irrational anger surged through Edmund.

" _I_ have no problem," Edmund stated, and saw Caspian's eyes widen at the sarcasm in his voice. "And neither do _you_."

Caspian took a swift step forward and Edmund almost jumped backwards, poised to flee.

"Edmund," Caspian frowned. "You have no need to fear me. By Aslan's mane, I swear to you I will not take advantage of you again."

" _ **Oh, shut up!**_ " Edmund's frustration finally got the better of him. "I don't want to hear it. By Aslan, do you think I care about what you do? Well, I don't. You can kiss as many people as you like, it's nothing to do with me. I'm too ignorant remember!"

He heard Caspian's gasp of surprise just as he realised what he'd actually said. Heat flooded his cheeks and his stomach sank. Why was it that Caspian could make him so easily lose control?

"I did not mean to offend you, Edmund," Caspian said quickly. "When you pulled away I thought I had taken advantage of you. I knew you had no knowledge of how long I had wanted... what happened... to happen."

Edmund's throat suddenly felt constricted and he swallowed heavily, gazing at Caspian in confusion. "What are you talking about?" he finally managed to ask. "I mean... what are you saying?... I don't think..." He couldn't go on.

"I think even before we reached the Lone Islands I'd been feeling it," Caspian's voice was quiet but clear. Suddenly he smiled. "You're very attractive, King Edmund, I've said that once before. Then there was Narrowhaven and I felt so guilty about my failure to protect you. You were hurting and all I wanted to do was help you somehow. I thought I had." He looked at Edmund questioningly, and Edmund, numb with shock, could only nod. "Sometimes I thought I was getting signals from you but then at Bernstead I realised that you weren't jealous over Cara, you were jealous over me, but I also realised that you had no idea of this yourself. So, I tried to keep away but more and more you were on my mind, even with the situation the ship was in. You caught me off-guard after the storm and I just couldn't resist anymore."

Edmund reached out and rested one hand against a tree, steadying himself. He wished he could do the same for his mind, which seemed to be whirling in confusion. Part of him could not believe that he had actually heard Caspian say the things he'd just said, another part was squirming in embarrassment at how easily Caspian seemed to have understood Edmund's emotions when he hadn't even understood them himself until after their kiss. The thought crossed Edmund's mind that this discussion was not going in the direction he'd intended. He'd wanted to be angry, he'd wanted to somehow let Caspian know exactly what he thought of his ... behaviour, and then he'd wanted to storm off in the certain knowledge that Caspian would never attempt to talk to him about the whole situation again. Instead he stood here in a daze, unable to think clearly, unable to think of anything except the fact that Caspian had said that he had wanted to kiss him.

"Edmund?" He looked up and realised that Caspian had moved closer to him. "Are you all right?"

"I..." He shook his head, hoping to clear it and wished that his heart would stop pounding in his ears. Caspian had wanted to kiss him and suddenly Edmund wondered what it would be like if Caspian kissed him again. He felt his face heat at the thought.

"Edmund," Caspian's voice sounded breathless... and close. With a shock, Edmund realised that one of Caspian's hands was resting on his shoulder, the fingertips pressing firmly into his flesh. He shivered.

"May I…?"

Edmund had no voice and he did not think he could have given any answer, or known what that answer should be, even if he'd had. He simply stood where he was, caught in the moment, and if he swayed slightly towards Caspian he could never afterwards be entirely sure of it.

Then there was no more thought as Caspian's head bent towards him and he felt the press of lips against his own.

Immediately Edmund realised that this kiss was going to be even better than the last. A second after their lips met he felt Caspian's arms encircle his waist and he was pulled close against the King's body. For a moment he tensed but then Caspian lifted a hand to the back of his head, combing his fingers through Edmund's hair, and the movement was so caressing that it lulled any fear or thought from Edmund's mind.

It felt almost as if he was melting against the heat of Caspian's body and Edmund sighed, parting his lips and leaning into the kiss. Instantly Caspian's tongue stroked along his and Edmund could not stop from moaning his approval. Caspian's response was immediate, for somehow the kiss became more forceful. For a moment Edmund was lost in pure sensation, heat rising in waves through his body, his entire focus on the way Caspian's mouth moved against his.

Then somehow he was on the ground and Caspian was kneeling before him, their lips still locked together. Confusion still held Edmund's mind and he knew that fear was circling there as well. What was happening shouldn't be, it was too out of control but he seemed powerless to stop it and Caspian's mouth felt so wonderful against his own that he didn't even want to. Finally, somehow, he moved his head aside, away from Caspian's compelling lips.

"Caspian…" he breathed, but no more words came for he felt those same warm lips caressing his ear and immediately pleasure flooded through him and he tilted his head to the side, silently begging for more. As Caspian's mouth trailed down his throat Edmund wondered how something so simple could feel so extraordinarily wonderful.

Caspian's teeth scraped against the sensitive skin of Edmund's throat and he shuddered deliciously, reaching up to run his fingers through Caspian's silky hair and pulling him closer. For a moment Caspian stilled and then suddenly he raised his head and swooped down onto Edmund's mouth.

This kiss was different again. Caspian's lips seemed harder and hotter and they moved against Edmund's urgently. With a spark of fear Edmund realised that before Caspian had been holding himself back and that now his passion was released. The fear grew as Caspian pushed forward against him, his body pressing Edmund's into the ground.

Then Caspian moved against him and Edmund gasped into Caspian's mouth.

He'd never imagined that it could feel like this. He'd had erections before, he'd even touched himself, but never had it felt the way it felt now. Even through their clothes he could feel how hard Caspian was and the feel of that hardness pressing against his own was the most exquisite pleasure he had ever known. His stomach fluttered deliciously and his blood almost seemed to burn with the need that now enveloped him. All that mattered to Edmund now was to feel that sensation again. He parted his legs.

"Yes," he felt Caspian whisper against his mouth and then the feeling returned, even harder and closer than before.

After that he was lost in the rhythm and the sensations as Caspian moved against him and he strained every fibre of his being to meet those forceful thrusts with equal pressure. It seemed to go on for ages and at the same time it was over far too soon. One last undulating wave of need, one last shudder against the hard body above him, and Edmund could feel the warm wetness spreading between them. He wrenched his mouth away from Caspian's, heard his own moans, and then lay gasping for breath.

"Oh, Edmund," Caspian whispered against his ear, and after a few more hard thrusts he too stilled, and Edmund felt another flood of warm moisture. He blushed, acutely embarrassed now that it was over.

"Too fast," murmured Caspian, and Edmund shivered in agreement. Caspian was right, he thought. It was all wrong, one minute they had been talking and the next they were totally out of control.

Caspian seemed too heavy now, his weight almost seeming to suffocate Edmund. As if he sensed Edmund's discomfort Caspian rolled off him slightly. The shock of air against his wet crotch was cold and uncomfortable but a heavy, drowsing lethargy was stealing over him and Edmund hardly noticed it.

Conscious of the warmth at his side, he pressed himself into it. His eyes drifted shut and the next moment he was asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Edmund was awakened by something wet landing on his face. His eyes swiftly opened and, as another drop landed in his eye, he realised it was raining. The drops were fat and heavy, cutting through the dim air, which felt close and stuffy. He sat up quickly and immediately saw Caspian standing before him. Even as he gazed upwards, the rain became heavier and Edmund saw that they were both almost soaked already.

Caspian held out a hand to him and said, "Come with me."

Without thought Edmund grasped Caspian's hand, was hauled to his feet, and still clinging to Caspian's fingers, followed him through the trees. They came to a small brook, swiftly bubbling between gentle ferny slopes. Caspian plunged in and Edmund followed him, gasping as the cold waist-high water almost pulled him over. Caspian steadied him until he found his balance.

"Why are we here?" he asked in confusion. His eyes found Caspian's and his confusion grew when Caspian quickly looked away.

Memory flooded back to Edmund as the forceful flow of water tugged at his clothing and he suddenly knew with horrible certainty that the reason Caspian had brought them here was to wash away the evidence of what they had done. As much as his own shame at his lack of control flamed in his cheeks, Edmund found himself shocked at the cold practicality Caspian had shown, and he turned away.

A firm hand fell on his shoulder holding him in place. "Edmund…" Caspian's voice was soft and tentative and a flame of anger flickered in Edmund at the sound of it.

"Don't touch me!"

His order was ignored and instead the hand pulled him around so quickly that he almost lost his footing.

"I said, don't touch me!" Edmund almost hissed as he shrugged Caspian's hand away. He looked up and met Caspian's shocked gaze with defiance.

"Why are you so angry?" Caspian asked. "Perhaps it should not have happened as it has but I _know_ you wanted it as much as I did! Do you now regret it?"

Did he? At that moment Edmund honestly did not know and the fact of that scared him more than anything else. For a moment he was poised to flee and he fought hard for control, knowing that Caspian was watching him closely. Finally he sighed, and walking over to the bank sat down amongst the ferns. The rain was less heavy now and the drops felt strangely warm against his cold skin.

And still Caspian stood before him in the water, waiting silently whilst Edmund struggled to think clearly.

Yes he had wanted it; he knew that much, and part of him thrilled at the knowledge that Caspian had wanted it too. But what did that really mean? Caspian had wanted Peter once, and then Cara, and then the groom. Was Edmund just another in the long line of comforts that Caspian allowed himself because he could never have Peter? The thought hurt, particularly as Edmund knew that he _liked_ Caspian, more than anyone he had ever known before.

His thoughts drifted to what they had just done and he felt heat flush his skin. Caspian had made him feel… so out of control. It was clear to him now that Caspian had been slowly breaking down all his barriers without Edmund even being aware of it, eroding all his control, and without his control, he would be lost once again, just as he had been before Aslan had saved him. He could not give himself over to Caspian the way he had once given himself over to the White Witch.

Edmund stood and squared his shoulders. He realised the rain had stopped while he'd been thinking and the sky was lightening as the sun emerged from the sudden storm. Caspian still stood, knee-deep in the water, watching him.

"I did want it," Edmund admitted reluctantly. "But it can't, _it won't_ , happen again."

He saw a frown flicker across Caspian's face and braced himself. He couldn't blame Caspian for being angry because Edmund _had_ responded to him.

"I'm sorry, Caspian," he said quickly. "I should never have let things go as far as they did."

"Oh, no you don't," Caspian finally spoke, his face was calm but Edmund could hear the underlying anger in Caspian's voice and he flinched slightly. "No, don't you go laying all the blame on yourself yet again. Remember, I was there too. Whatever _blame_ there is rests just as much on my shoulders as on yours, just as any decisions to be made now are just as much mine as yours. We should talk about this, Edmund."

"There's no point," Edmund shook his head, amazed at the calm he was managing to hold onto.

"Why not?" Caspian asked.

"You called it a problem yourself, Caspian," Edmund snapped.

Caspian sighed. "I know. But I meant the problem of you avoiding me because I'd taken advantage of you. I wanted us to sort it out as soon as we could get a private moment so that we could… move forward."

"Well, we certainly did that," Edmund could not keep the sarcasm out of his voice and when, to his utter surprise, Caspian laughed, Edmund only just in time stopped himself from grinning in response. Which simply proved his point, he thought ruefully, Caspian always seemed to provoke a response he hadn't intended to make.

"So, why are you saying this won't happen again, Edmund?"

Edmund gazed at Caspian blankly. What could he say?

"It's just not… right… for me," he finally said. "You know in my world, this sort of thing between two males, it's against the law. We would be put in prison for it."

"I wouldn't mind sharing a dungeon with you, King Edmund," Caspian answered, and to Edmund's further amazement, he actually winked. And yet again Edmund found that he wanted to laugh at Caspian. He shook his head in frustration.

"In all worlds laws change over time," Caspian continued. "But aside from that, you are in Narnia now. You have spent a lifetime in Narnia even though you were born in that other place. You _are_ Narnian. And you know that in Narnia it is not considered wrong for two men to love each other as more than brothers. But this is just avoidance, Edmund. I ask again, why are you saying this won't happen again?"

And finally, Edmund's hard-won calm slipped. "Because it can't," he almost snarled. "I can't _do_ this."

Caspian splashed forward through the water he was still standing in and stepped up onto the bank, his hands reaching for Edmund, who quickly moved out of his reach.

"Edmund, I remember that you told me you had not done this sort of thing before, either in your world or here. It's normal to be nervous about this and, to be honest those nerves never really go away. I feel that way about you too, believe me."

Caspian's voice was soft, tempting Edmund to move closer and to remain where he was standing was one of the hardest things Edmund had ever done. How could he make Caspian understand without revealing more of himself than he could ever be comfortable with? At last an idea came to him and he dropped to one knee.

"King Caspian, grant me a boon."

He heard the slight gasp above him and closed his eyes for a brief moment of obscure pain.

"We have opened a door, King Edmund. By Aslan, do you really think that we can close it so easily? It would just take one moment alone and…"

"Then we must never be alone," Edmund interrupted quickly.

"What are you afraid of?"

The question was almost flung at him and a flicker of angry humiliation shot through Edmund but he knew with certainty that Caspian was trying to provoke him. He squashed the anger down deep.

"King Caspian, grant me a boon."

There was a long moment of silence and Edmund wondered if Caspian would actually not respond to him. When the reply finally came he could hear the tight control in Caspian's voice.

"Ask it."

Edmund stared at Caspian's boots. They were still wet.

"I ask that Your Majesty accede to the request of a brother King. Leave this be, King Caspian. There is no reason to talk of this again."

"Your boon is granted, King Edmund." And yes, there was anger behind the tight flatness of Caspian's voice.

Edmund rose and risked a quick glance at Caspian's face. Blue eyes met his squarely and the King smiled at him bitterly.

"You are very clever, King Edmund," before Edmund could reply, Caspian continued. "As we are not to be alone, I suggest you return to the camp. I will continue with the hunt and return later." He turned on his heel and was swiftly gone.

The sun now burned down but it could not seem to penetrate the gloom that surrounded him. Edmund heard above him the sound of a rushing wind, and the call of a lonely cry, and looking up he saw Eustace the dragon soaring above the trees.

* * *

If Edmund had thought that his spur of the moment solution would make his life easier he very quickly learnt he'd been completely wrong.

Nobody had really noticed his return to the camp alone and it was only when Caspian, much later, returned to the camp with a young deer slung across his shoulders that Edmund had seen Lucy look at him in surprise. He'd given her a reassuring smile, trying to erase the concern he could see on her face but he knew that it hadn't really worked.

And ever since then, Caspian had treated him differently. He showed no anger or sadness but he treated Edmund with a sort of distant formality that hurt. Edmund hadn't expected this, he'd naively thought that he and Caspian would continue on as the friends they'd been before and he found himself rather desperately missing that friendship.

Lucy only spoke to him once about Caspian.

"You said you would sort it out," she told him, reproachfully.

"And I did," he replied.

She looked at him in shocked disbelief. "I never thought you'd tell me a fib, Ed."

"I'm not lying," said Edmund. "I did… the best that I could. You'll have to be content with that and I really don't want to talk about it anymore." He smiled gently. "Please believe me, Lucy."

After a moment she returned the smile and nodded.

A few days passed, they worked hard on the Dawn Treader and soon she would be ready to continue their journey. Now every night, while Eustace lay on the shore, they argued and discussed, in frustration and despair, what on earth they would do with the dragon. And always, when the flames of their campfire had burned low, they still had no answer.

The worst thing was that Edmund couldn't seem to stop thinking about Caspian. The King had taken to hunting nearly every day, keeping the camp well supplied with meat, so he wasn't around very much but when he was there Edmund would find himself watching Caspian. When Caspian wasn't there, Edmund would often drift into the forest and sit alone on a log, reliving all that had happened between them.

Edmund was sitting on that log one day, pensively wondering whereabouts on the island Caspian could be, when he heard the patter of small feet on the path and Reepicheep appeared. The mouse stopped for a moment, watching Edmund, and then he pattered forward to sit on the log beside him.

"Sire," said Reepicheep. "I hope you will not think me intrusive but I have noticed that lately there seems to be a trouble upon you. I wish to offer you my assistance. Be assured that my heart, mind and sword are always at your disposal."

Edmund held his breath for a moment. This was what he had feared, someone else noticing that he was struggling to behave normally. He forced himself to relax.

"Thank you, Reep," he said. "But really there is nothing troubling me."

"I beg leave to differ, Your Majesty," Reepicheep firmly replied. "For one thing I have not seen Your Majesty laugh for at least a week."

"Perhaps it is hard to laugh when one's cousin is a dragon, Reep."

The mouse shook his head. "No, this trouble came upon you before your cousin was made a dragon."

Edmund remained silent; hoping resentfully that the mouse would give up and go away.

"Then there is the matter of my King."

"Reepicheep…" Edmund put all the warning he could into his voice. "You had best leave this."

"Your Majesty, a trouble held in oneself can be a battle lost," said Reepicheep. "Wars are won when the soldiers fight together and you have the look of one who is fighting alone and… afraid."

" _ **Oh, blast it,**_ " Edmund shot to his feet and turned to glare down at the mouse. "Why won't you all just leave me alone? Go and ask _your_ King these stupid questions if you're so worried about it."

Reepicheep returned Edmund's glare calmly.

"I have," he said simply.

Edmund felt the blood drain from his face.

"You asked him?"

"Yes, Your Majesty. I can see that King Caspian is angry and hurt… over something, and whilst he would not say it, I think that something happened between you and King Caspian to cause this. He is angry, you are afraid, and both of you are hurt. I realise that I cannot expect you to tell me what happened but I think you should know that neither of you can continue like this. For one thing it will affect our mission. It has already affected Queen Lucy. But most importantly, _you_ cannot continue to live in fear."

Edmund had listened to this speech in stunned silence but at Reep's final words blind fury rushed through him. He clenched his fists at his sides, fighting to keep them there.

"You had better go, Reepicheep," he grated.

The mouse sighed and rose to his feet.

"Very well, Your Majesty. I know I have angered you but I am always here if you have need of me."


	8. Chapter 8

Edmund's anger soon faded but the memory of Reepicheep's words lingered. He sat on the log and thought over what the mouse had said to him. As a king in Narnia, Edmund had always worked hard to be fair and objective. After everything that had happened over the White Witch he'd felt he'd owed it to the Narnians, and also to his High King. As the High King over all, Peter had needed a councillor who wasn't blinded by his own motivations and Edmund had striven to be that councillor.

And deep down his sense of duty was telling Edmund that in one respect, at least, the mouse had been right. Already two of his shipmates had noticed the tension between he and Caspian, how long before the rest did? And what effect would that have on their mission?

That night, as he sat near the fire listening to the usual discussions about Eustace, Edmund for the first time in a while actually took notice of the people around him. There was little laughter amongst them and he had to admit the mood was sombre. As for Caspian, his manner was serious and his expression guarded and he said very little. Edmund remembered that Peter had once told him the success of a mission was often set by the behaviour of its leader; that sometimes that was the decider between success and failure. And Caspian, normally light-hearted and friendly with the crew, was certainly not his usual self.

But perhaps the general mood could surely be attributed to the problem of Eustace. It was a strange sort of comfort but Edmund clung to it over the next couple of days.

Then, suddenly, Eustace was a boy again! It was Edmund who saw him first, very early in the morning, and he heard the story that Eustace told him with a growing sense of wonder. Aslan had been there and the changes in Eustace were astounding. He would never have believed that Eustace could display such courage and humility, and it made him question his own actions. He had told Eustace that while Eustace had been an ass, on Edmund's own first trip to Narnia _he_ had been a traitor. It seemed that on this visit he was nothing but a coward. Peter the High King would not be proud of him this time. And what would Aslan say if he appeared?

And that night, around the fire, whilst there was a general sense of relief and a burden alleviated, and Lucy and Eustace were both in high spirits, Edmund could see that, still, things were not as they should be. He had to face it; there was only one thing to be done and it was up to him because Edmund knew that Caspian would never go back on the boon he had granted Edmund. He would have to talk to Caspian and reach some sort of resolution with him so that they could continue the Voyage of the Dawn Treader as friends, and brother Kings.

* * *

Of course, having made the difficult decision it seemed to become impossible to actually find a way to achieve it. Now that Eustace was cured the pace of work on the Dawn Treader sped up because there were now no other reasons to delay their departure. And when Edmund wasn't busy himself, Caspian was. Edmund could not even follow Caspian into the forest as the King no longer went off alone hunting but instead sent parties of men to provision supplies for the ship.

He wondered if he should just walk up to Caspian and tell him they needed to talk but he wasn't sure how he would react if Caspian rejected him in front of all the others. So he watched and waited, with increasing frustration, for an opportunity that never seemed to come.

Five more days passed and the Dawn Treader finally sailed from Dragon Island and Edmund had _still_ not found a way to talk to Caspian. He went to the cabin he shared with Eustace and Caspian early, feigning exhaustion, and lay in his hammock hoping that Caspian would come to the cabin before Eustace did. Eventually he fell asleep and when he awoke in the morning he realised, with a sinking heart, that Caspian had not returned to the cabin at all.

Later that morning they came up on the island that they had sometimes glimpsed from Dragon Island and decided to briefly explore there. It was a lonely place, with no sign of life save for a small coracle which they found on the shore, and it was while Lucy, Reep, and Eustace were examining this that Edmund finally approached Caspian.

Caspian had been standing some distance from the group, watching the Dawn Treader riding the swell. Edmund shuffled through the sand to stand quietly at the King's side.

"Where were you last night?" he asked softly.

Caspian did not take his eyes off the ship and for a long moment Edmund, his heart hammering, thought that Caspian would actually ignore him completely.

"It was a calm night," Caspian finally answered, his voice low, "and I've grown used to sleeping out of doors. I slept on deck."

Edmund swallowed nervously and then cleared his throat.

"Um… I need to talk to you."

"I'm listening."

"Well, not _here_ ," some of the frustration Edmund had been feeling over the last few days crept into his voice and he willed himself to remain calm. "Could you meet me… uh… in our cabin, later… after supper? I'll get rid of Eustace, somehow."

And finally Caspian looked at him, his glance swift and searching, and Edmund almost missed it because the sound of his own heart thumping loudly in his ears was making him actually feel sick.

"Let me understand you perfectly, King Edmund," Caspian's voice was still quiet but there was an underlying hardness in it that made Edmund's breath hitch. "Do you now withdraw the request you made of me?"

"Oh." Edmund could only manage a whisper. "Well, yes … um, I do."

Caspian turned to face him and Edmund could not stop himself from taking a swift step back but the King's eyes were focused over Edmund's shoulder and the voices of Lucy and Reep chattering excitedly came to his ears.

"Then we _will_ talk, I promise you."

It was only as they were lifting the coracle that Reep had decided to keep onto the ship that Edmund realised that Caspian's tone had sounded more of a threat than a promise.

* * *

It was hard work but eventually Edmund was able to get Eustace involved in a game of chess with Reepicheep. The two were still struggling to find a way to friendship and Edmund rather hoped that his manipulation would be to their benefit as well as his. Once they were fully absorbed in the game he glanced around the main cabin. Lucy had already retired after supper and Caspian was also gone. Edmund felt the palms of his hands grow damp as he realised that Caspian was probably already waiting for him.

And he was, leaning against the wall of their cabin, one leg crossed in front of the other and looking, Edmund thought resentfully, completely relaxed. Which Edmund himself most certainly wasn't because a crushing truth had just burst into his mind; he had absolutely no idea what to say. He had spent so much time thinking about how to engineer this meeting that he hadn't actually got around (or perhaps, he thought, he'd avoided it) to thinking about what he should say to Caspian.

"Well, King Edmund, I believe you had something you wanted to say to me?"

Caspian's voice was tight, belying his relaxed posture and Edmund swiftly looked up and met his eyes. They were very blue and at this moment seemed as hard and as cold as the sapphires that adorned the hilt of Caspian's sword. They made Edmund's heart almost seem to falter with a strange yearning regret and he struggled for the strength to speak.

"I wasn't sure you'd come," he finally managed to gasp.

"You may have noticed I keep my promises. So, here I am. Get to the point."

And no he really couldn't expect Caspian to make this easy for him he supposed but comparing this Caspian to the kind and caring King that had helped him in Narrowhaven was a rather painful reminder of what he'd lost. In horror he felt the hot pricking of tears in his eyes, desperately blinked them away and burst into speech.

"I know you hate me now. But for the sake of the crew, for the sake of this mission, surely we should at least try to be friends. I _miss_ that."

After a moment he heard a deep sigh and risked looking towards it. Caspian was now standing nearer to Edmund, looking at him closely.

"Sometimes I forget how young you are, Edmund."

It wasn't the response that Edmund had expected and he frowned.

"Well, I say..."

Caspian raised a hand.

"Wait," he continued. "I don't hate you, how could I? But I _am_ angry with you. I know that you were not prepared for what happened between us, I know that I acted hastily. But you shut me out so completely and… deviously. It was a side to you I had not seen before but I now know why all the old texts say that most of the treaties of your time were negotiated by you. I still don't know why you did that and I really don't think you're going to tell me. However friends should not act in that way towards one another."

Edmund was speechless. His mind reeled in a mixture of shock and confusion and, he hated to admit it, guilt. He stared at Caspian and for a long moment their eyes were locked in silence and then finally Caspian spoke and his voice had lost its sharp edge.

"You say we should try to be friends, Edmund, but do you really think it would be so simple to do that? I mean, think about it, how would we do that?"

Resentment stirred in Edmund. Why did Caspian have to be so difficult about this?

"Why couldn't we?"

"Because I want you," Caspian answered simply and quietly. "And you want me. What would you do if I kissed you right now, Edmund? Ah… you see you are already blushing at the very idea."

And it was true. Once again Caspian was taking the discussion somewhere Edmund had not intended it to go and, once again, Edmund seemed powerless to do anything about it. He could feel the heat in his face, could feel that heat slowly spreading through his whole body and all he could think about was the way it had felt when Caspian had kissed him before. He looked up and found that Caspian was now standing close to him, his head bending over Edmund's own.

"I don't understand why you are fighting this," whispered Caspian. "Why do you fear me?"

"I don't," Edmund answered breathlessly, mesmerised by Caspian's eyes. "I don't fear you, Caspian." Somehow it was important to him for Caspian to know that, and as he saw the flicker of relief cross Caspian's face he knew he'd made the right decision to say it.

And then Edmund did something that surprised himself completely. He leaned forward and placed his lips on Caspian's. It was the briefest of touches and almost immediately Edmund drew back, shocked at his own behaviour. But it was already too late as he felt Caspian's arms slide around his waist, holding Edmund in place. He looked up at Caspian shyly and shivered in anticipation as the Kings face lowered to his own.

Caspian's lips were soft and gentle on Edmund's mouth, insistent but not demanding, as if he were waiting for Edmund to make a decision. And finally, Edmund could resist no longer, he opened to Caspian with a sigh of pleasure. Caspian's tongue brushed against his and Edmund moaned softly at the intrusion. Immediately he felt Caspian's arms tighten around him, his hands sliding along Edmund's back, and the lips that had been so gentle on his became more forceful. Heat was rising in waves through Edmund's body and he gasped from the intensity of it. His hands curled around the back of Caspian's neck and he surged forward, pressing closer to Caspian's body and returning the kiss desperately. When Caspian groaned his approval, Edmund felt a heady rush of desire and elation.

" _Good God!_ "

At the choked exclamation behind them, Caspian released Edmund and whirled around. Beyond him Edmund saw Eustace standing in the doorway of the cabin.

"I say, this really is too much. Does no-one on this ship do _anything_ else?"

Eustace glared at them and then was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

Edmund stared at the closed cabin door in speechless horror.

"You know, I really think I'm going to throw that boy overboard and it's a shame because he was just starting to turn out all right." Caspian's voice was full of exasperated amusement and Edmund glared at him.

"You think this is _funny?_ " He snapped.

Caspian glanced at him, his eyes serious.

"Not really. I'll go after him and talk to him."

"No," Edmund shook his head. "I'll go. He's my cousin and he's from my world. You may not understand his reaction."

A sense of urgency propelled Edmund to the door. He had to find Eustace before the other boy did something they'd all regret, like tell everybody… including Lucy.

Edmund found Eustace on the poop looking out to sea and relief immediately flooded him almost making him weak at the knees. At least Eustace hadn't gone screaming through the ship. For the second time that evening Edmund realised that he had no idea what he should say and he stood frozen in the shadows, staring at the back of the other boy's head, his mind so completely blank that he almost jumped out of his skin when Eustace finally spoke.

"I know you're there you know."

"Eustace…" Edmund heard his own voice as a breathless whisper and cleared his throat. "Eustace, I'm… ah… sorry about what just happened."

Eustace turned to look at him and in the moonlight Edmund could see the frown on his face.

"Are you?" he asked. "Why?"

Edmund was speechless. Was it possible that Eustace had not understood what he had seen?

"I mean," Eustace continued, calmly. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself."

A strangled sound escaped from Edmund's throat and his cheeks burned hotly, and then, to his complete astonishment, Eustace actually laughed.

"You don't seem very… upset," Edmund finally managed to say, feeling like he was stating the obvious, and he knew he was floundering out of his depth.

"Well, a chap would prefer not to walk in on a scene like that, but I think I'm getting used to it."

" _What?_ "

"Well, I don't want to gossip or anything but, just between ourselves, last night I accidentally walked in on Drinian and Rhince."

Edmund took a deep, gasping breath and then narrowed his eyes at Eustace suspiciously.

"Eustace," he asked quietly. "Are you ragging me?"

"No," Eustace assured him earnestly. "I really did."

"Eustace," Edmund finally felt like he'd got his mind working again and he was determined to make some sense of the conversation. "We both know what you just saw," he felt himself flush again. "And we both know how that would be viewed in our world. I don't know if you know this but things are different here in Narnia…"

"I'll say they are!" Eustace interrupted, and this time Edmund knew he was being ragged.

"I can't believe… I mean you're not reacting the way I thought you would, " he exclaimed before he could stop himself.

"Well as to that," in the dim light Edmund saw Eustace shrug his shoulders. "Look here Edmund, I know I've been a complete pest on this trip, whining and all that, but I'm trying not to be … narrow-minded or anything. Being a dragon, well the way you all accepted me and tried to help me… you didn't give up on me. And then Aslan. After all the things I'd done and said, he helped me and forgave me... all of you did. So how can I judge any of you now? I don't have the right."

"Oh," said Edmund blankly. "I see."

"Of course, I won't tell anyone about this. And I've been thinking, maybe it would be better if I slung up a hammock in the stern cabin. I could say that I can't stand the sound of you snoring anymore, then you and Caspian could… well, have the cabin to yourselves."

The thought of sharing a cabin alone with Caspian sent a thrill through Edmund that was a mixture of excitement and… sheer terror.

"No, Eustace," he gasped. "That's not necessary."

Eustace stepped closer and in the dim moonlight Edmund could see he looked doubtful.

"Well, Edmund, I'd rather not walk in on anything like that again you know."

"You won't," Edmund said firmly. "Because it's not going to happen again."

Eustace's expression was even more doubtful.

"Um… why not? I mean, you seemed to _like_ it."

Edmund gasped. He'd never realised before how direct Eustace could be. Before, Edmund had always seen it as just annoying whining without noticing that a lot of it was just Eustace saying what he thought without reserve. And while his way of thinking might have changed it seemed that the lack of reserve hadn't.

"Well… that's not the point," Edmund finally managed to say.

"Hmmm," Eustace hummed thoughtfully. "I could understand if you _hadn't_ liked it. But it just seems to me rather silly to stop doing something you like. You know you've both been rather grumpy lately and I'd noticed you weren't really talking to each other. Perhaps this would help."

All the time Eustace had been talking Edmund had been aware of the bubble of laughter rising inside him, because it was ridiculous really, that Eustace should be standing here suggesting that he become involved with Caspian as a _cure for grumpiness_. Finally he could fight it no longer and he practically snorted in Eustace's face.

"Sorry, Eustace," he gasped.

"Well, it's about time you cheered up," Eustace said dryly. "Anyway, does Caspian feel that it shouldn't happen again too?"

"No, he doesn't," Edmund sighed.

"So, what's the problem then?"

"The problem is me," said Edmund, and the relief he felt at finally saying it surprised him. "I told you that the first time I came to Narnia I'd been a traitor. That happened because I allowed the White Witch to enslave me. I was out of control and I don't think I can risk something like that happening again."

"But surely…" Eustace paused and Edmund could see he was in deep thought. "Well, the White Witch, she was evil, wasn't she? I mean, Caspian's not exactly evil, is he? I think if you told him about how you feel about this, he'd try to help you. I don't think you can go through your life shutting people out because you're still afraid of what happened with the White Witch."

Edmund could feel his mouth gaping with amazement. Eustace was turning out to be one of the most astonishing people he'd ever known. And was what Eustace said true? Had he closed himself away, hidden behind impartiality and detachment so that he'd never have to really learn to trust or care about anyone besides his brothers and sisters? This question led to another one in Edmund's whirling mind. Did he really trust Caspian? He thought about Cara, the groom, and Peter, and wondered.

"You know Edmund, you should be talking to Caspian right now, not me."

Edmund nodded. Eustace was certainly right about that. Things definitely couldn't go on as they had been and the only way to change that was for he and Caspian to talk. And it was strange, someone else knowing about them made the whole thing seem more _real_ somehow. Edmund felt like he could no longer hide from it.

"Thanks Eustace. You've been very… helpful."

"Oh," said Eustace, his voice soft and trembling. "Nobody's ever said that to me before…"

Edmund reached out and squeezed his cousin's shoulder.

"Well, you have."

Suddenly, to Edmund's surprise, Eustace stepped forward and gave him a quick hug.

"Thanks, Edmund," he said. "I'll be in the stern cabin. I'll see you tomorrow."

Edmund watched him walk away and then, taking a deep breath, walked slowly to his cabin. He wondered if Caspian would still be there.

* * *

Caspian was there, lying on the bunk but when Edmund entered the cabin he swiftly rose to his feet.

"Where's Eustace?" he asked quickly.

"He's in the stern cabin," Edmund replied. "He's decided that he'll sleep there from now on."

Caspian frowned. "Why?"

"He says…" Edmund cleared his throat. "He says he wants to give us space."

A slow smile crossed Caspian's face.

"Perhaps I won't throw him overboard after all. I take it he was not too upset?"

"No, it was quite surprising but he seems to think he has no right to judge anyone. He also seems to think…" Edmund paused, not sure how to go on.

"Yes?" Caspian prompted softly.

"He made me think about a few things," Edmund continued.

"Hmm… there are still things we need to talk about."

Edmund nodded, relieved that Caspian seemed to understand.

"I need to know what happened at Bernstead. With Cara and…"

"Alvain," Caspian continued for him. "I suspected that you might have known about him but I wasn't sure. That night I tried to explain to you how it is for me. You know that as King of Narnia I must provide an heir some time in the future. I've known pleasure with women but I prefer men and this makes it probable that my marriage will not be for love. I would like my relationship with my future Queen to at least be one of friendship and mutual respect and it would only be with her consent that I would take a male lover."

"Oh…" Edmund didn't quite know what to say, he hadn't really expected Caspian to talk so openly or matter-of-factly about such a private thing and while part of him was relieved, another part of him was squirming in embarrassment. "And Cara…?"

"She's of good rank, a pretty, kind-hearted girl. She was certainly a possibility."

"But you _flirted_ with her," the words slipped out before Edmund could stop them and he flushed with embarrassment at how plaintive they sounded. "I mean, she might have fallen in love with you."

"Yes, I knew that," Caspian said firmly. "So I talked to her."

"You did?" Edmund gasped.

"Of course I did," Caspian was frowning at him, his eyes glinting in anger. "Edmund, did you really think I would hurt someone like that? The first night we were there I spoke to her. I let her know that I was going on a long voyage, that I couldn't know what might happen on that voyage, and that she should not expect anything of me, or wait for me. She understood this perfectly and, to be honest, I fully expect to find her happily wed when we return to the Lone Islands."

"I see, and what about…" he took a deep breath, trying to ignore the shaft of jealousy that was shooting through him at the thought of the young groom.

"Alvain," Caspian said softly. "I'd met him the first time I was in Bernstead, after Lord Bern had bought me from the slavers. That was mutual enjoyment, nothing more, and we both knew that."

_I didn't_ , Edmund thought angrily, biting back the words. He stamped down on the feeling, knowing deep down that he wasn't being fair. Edmund had not known of his own desire himself back then, so Caspian had not owed him anything… not him… but what about…

"Peter?" Edmund heard himself say and then felt the blood drain from his face as Caspian strode forward and grasped his arm, looking down into his face intently.

"What do you mean by that?" Caspian asked in a tight voice, his eyes dark.

For a moment Edmund was frozen with fear, the look on Caspian's face was grim and the hand on his arm was tightening with tension.

"I saw you," Edmund finally managed to blurt out, and then it was like a dam broke inside him and everything came flooding out. "After the Battle of Beruna. I saw you with Peter, and then we left, and Peter has never said _anything_ , and I thought he was in love with you and that you were…"

He didn't get any further because suddenly Caspian's mouth was hot on his, swallowing the words. For a moment he tried to pull away but immediately Caspian's lips were gentle and the hand that had been holding Edmund's arm so tightly slid down to rest softly on his waist. Edmund closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath as Caspian's lips moved to caress his cheek.

"I understand," Caspian whispered, and then he released Edmund and took a few steps around the room, one of his hands brushing through his hair.

"We weren't in love," Caspian finally said. "That night… we were both feeling lost and alone, both in need of comfort. Comfort turned to desire but it was only kisses that we shared. To be honest, we were both too exhausted for anything more. Afterwards we talked about what had happened. Neither of us regretted it but we both knew that the desire we had felt would never turn to love, even if we hadn't known that we would be separated the next day. But I won't deny the memory of that night is very special to me, Edmund."

Edmund stood silently, feeling strangely numb.

"I understand now, Edmund. By Aslan, I can't stand here and explain every lover I've had to you. If you don't trust me, if you don't trust that I would never seek to betray someone's feelings, then there is nothing more I can say."

And Edmund knew that if he were to leave the cabin now and walk away that would be the end of it. For a moment he was strongly tempted, it would be so much _easier_ , but after his talk with Eustace he'd made some sort of decision deep down inside, and it was only fair now. Caspian had been completely open with him; he'd have to be the same with Caspian.

He took a deep breath.

"You're not the one I haven't trusted, Caspian. I need to tell you about something that happened when I first came to Narnia."

* * *

"How much do you know about the White Witch? I mean, about her… and me?"

They were now seated side-by-side on the edge of the bunk and the fact that Edmund could not really see Caspian's face had made it easier for him to ask the question.

Edmund felt Caspian move beside him, shifting around to lean against the cabin wall facing towards him, but Edmund remained where he was, rigidly perched on the bunk. He wasn't ready to look at Caspian yet.

"Only what it says in the ancient texts," Caspian's voice was soft and thoughtful. "When we restored Cair Paravel we found the old library sealed shut. A lot of texts were preserved there, including copies of scrolls written in your time. A few described how the White Witch had captured you, how Aslan rescued you and that then, at the First Battle of Beruna, you fought her and were terribly wounded."

A bitter smile crossed Edmund's face and he finally looked at Caspian.

"That sounds like Peter's story, trying to protect me again. So, I remember I wrote my own version. Wasn't it there?"

Caspian shook his head.

"She didn't capture me," Edmund forced the words out and he could hear the cold hardness in his voice from the strain of it. "I went to her willingly, intending to betray them all."

He heard the gasp, saw the pale shock on Caspian's face and glanced away quickly. There was a strange ache in his chest and the thought of trying to say more made Edmund's throat feel tight. But he had to, and quickly.

"It had been hard in England, I'd been sent to a new school and I didn't like it. Then there was the war, I can't tell you what it was like. We have battles in Narnia, yes, but this was different. The air-raids were like death raining down from the sky and there was no way to fight back. We were helpless. I knew I was changing, I could feel it. I was a beast to everyone, even Lucy, and I didn't know how to stop."

He paused for a deep, shuddering breath, still feeling the shame from that time. Caspian didn't say anything and when Edmund eventually looked up he saw that Caspian was watching him intently.

"The first time Lucy came to Narnia we didn't believe her. The next time I followed her here but when I got to Lantern Waste I couldn't find her. And then the Witch came. She talked to me, gave me food and drink…" he shuddered, remembering the craving he'd felt for her Turkish delight and her flattering lies. "Mr. Tumnus always said she'd placed me under an enchantment but if I hadn't already been so weak…" He broke off as Caspian finally moved, his hand reaching towards Edmund's.

"No, don't," Edmund gasped, sliding along to the end of the bunk and leaning against the cabin wall. "Don't. Let me finish, or I won't be able to."

"So when we all finally came to Narnia together all I could think about was finding my way to her. I remember I was angry with Peter because I'd lied about coming here the first time and he'd called me on it. I _wanted_ her to punish him for it and I suppose that deep down I knew that she really meant to harm them but all I could think about was that _blasted_ Turkish delight." He sighed. "All that day travelling with her, I saw how cruel and evil she was and I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been. Anyway, she was just about to kill me when some Narnians from Aslan's army rescued me. Then the next day she came to us, demanding that I be returned to her, claiming my blood. She and Aslan came to some sort of agreement."

Edmund closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him. This was the hard part now, admitting that he knew what everybody thought he didn't.

"I'm not stupid, you know. Even though Susan and Lucy never told me, I figured it out. The Witch would never have accepted a lesser trade than that of blood and I know that's what Aslan gave her. For me."

He opened his eyes and found that Caspian was leaning forward, close to him.

"All my life since, I've tried to live up to the sacrifice he made for me. I remember how I felt when the White Witch had me; I was out of control, completely hers. I knew that I could never let that happen again… could never let myself feel that way again. I couldn't trust…" he faltered, unable to go on.

"You couldn't trust what you might do," Caspian continued in a soft voice, and Edmund nodded quickly, relieved that Caspian seemed to understand.

"But Eustace said something that made me think. He sort of said that I'd been hiding behind my own fear of what had happened."

"Clever boy that Eustace."

Edmund felt a soft touch on the back of his hand. He took a deep breath and turned his hand palm up, watching as Caspian's hand slid into his gripping firmly. When he looked up, Caspian's blue eyes were intent.

"What happened between us… it felt like you were out of control didn't it?" Caspian asked.

Edmund nodded again.

"You know it felt like that for me too," Caspian was smiling now but his eyes were still serious. "Desire and pleasure can have that effect, especially at first, but it won't change who you are, deep down, just as the witch's enchantment didn't really change who you were. Yes, she tricked you but even before you were rescued you'd realised what she was. And you learnt from your mistake – I've seen the records of what you accomplished for Narnia. I can see from that how much the High King trusted you. Now you just have to learn to trust yourself."

Edmund sighed. He knew that Caspian was right but it seemed that just when he'd seemed to make progress he always had so much more to learn.

"I care about you, Edmund, and I won't push you again."

Edmund looked up quickly, his mouth dry with the sudden disappointment he felt. He tried to pull his hand out of Caspian's but Caspian's hand tightened on his and he was pulled forward against Caspian's body.

"I only meant that we should take this slowly," Caspian's breath was hot against Edmund's ear and then he laughed softly. "Do you really think I could give this up now?"

Edmund took a deep breath and rested his forehead against Caspian's shoulder.

"I don't think I could either," he confessed breathlessly and he knew it was true.

A hand under Edmund's chin forced his face up and he met Caspian's eyes as calmly as he could, hoping that, for once, he wouldn't blush. It was a vain hope and as he felt his face burn he sighed in frustration.

Caspian smiled and his eyes twinkled in merriment.

"Don't you dare say anything," Edmund snapped. "I can't help it."

Caspian winked and then brushed his lips over Edmund's.

"It's getting late. May I stay here with you?"

Edmund nodded and they both settled down to lie on the narrow bunk. It was a tight fit and Edmund found himself pressed between the wall of the cabin and Caspian's chest. For a moment he was acutely nervous as Caspian's arm slipped around his waist but when Caspian made no other movement, Edmund slowly relaxed. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind.

"Caspian," he whispered.

"Hmmm?"

"Did you _know_ about Drinian and Rhince?"

"Ah... yes. They've been together for quite some time, you know. Why?"

"Eustace walked in on them as well," Edmund replied, trying hard _not_ to imagine it.

He felt Caspian's body tremble and quickly leaned up on his elbow. The King had his hand over his mouth and his eyes were brimming with laughter.

"Oh dear," Caspian finally spluttered. "Poor Eustace."

Edmund grinned and then settled back down on the bunk. For a while he listened to Caspian's breathing as it slowed and became deeper. When Caspian's arm dropped to the bunk, Edmund knew he was asleep. Eventually Edmund's eyes grew heavy and drifted shut and, feeling strangely comfortable for such a tight space, he fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Over the next few days Caspian kept his promise of taking things slowly. During the day no one would ever have guessed that they were anything more than friends and Edmund was relieved because he really wasn't ready for anyone (besides Eustace) to know what was going on.

Edmund wasn't so sure about how he felt about the nights they spent in the small cabin though. Eustace was still sleeping in a hammock in the main cabin and nobody seemed to have questioned his explanation of escape from snoring. The first night he'd met Caspian in their cabin Edmund had felt almost sick with nerves but they'd only shared a few gentle kisses before lying on the bunk and going to sleep. The next night had been the same.

The night after that Edmund had surprised himself by trying to deepen their kiss. Caspian had responded for a moment and then pulled away abruptly and Edmund had only just managed to stop himself from groaning with frustration. And all through the next day Edmund had felt a slow burn of hunger in his stomach that eating had not satisfied.

So that night, when Caspian started to pull away, Edmund wrapped his hands around the back of Caspian's head and pulled him closer. For a long, blissful moment Edmund devoured Caspian's mouth before his wrists were gripped firmly and his hands pushed down into the bunk. He looked up at Caspian, bewildered.

Caspian was breathing hard and his gaze searched Edmund's face. Then he smiled.

"Not yet," he whispered.

Then Caspian laid back on the bunk and closed his eyes. Edmund watched his face for a moment and then did the same.

The following day came the battle with the Sea Serpent, where Eustace showed his courage, and Reepicheep his cleverness in getting them to push the Sea Serpent off the ship, instead of attacking it. They lost their beautifully carved stern and exhausted themselves thoroughly but they were triumphant and for the first time in his life Edmund was proud that he was related to Eustace.

That night they broke out the rum and had a celebration. There was singing and after a while some of the crew danced and Edmund laughed loudly when Eustace got up and joined them.

"Oh, I'm so glad." Edmund turned and found that Lucy was sitting on the bench beside him smiling happily. "I'm so happy to see you laughing again," she continued.

Edmund gave her a quick, tight hug, and then tickled her side. She laughed and pushed him away.

"Caspian's happy again too," she said.

Edmund glanced over to where Caspian was leaning against the deck railing, laughing and talking to Rhince, and then nodded his head.

"Yes," he agreed. The small amount of rum he'd drunk had made him feel light-headed and silly and he tickled her again.

"Leave off," she laughed, and then she launched herself into the middle of the dancing crew.

Edmund's eyes wandered back to Caspian, who was still talking to Rhince. That strange burning need was back in his stomach and suddenly, even in the cool night air, he felt too hot. He took another sip of rum but it didn't help.

Edmund looked up again and almost gasped when he saw that Caspian was now alone… and watching him. Even at a distance, Edmund could see the tension in Caspian's body and his eyes seemed to glitter in the flickering torchlight. Edmund's mouth suddenly felt dry and he nervously bit his bottom lip and then shivered as he saw Caspian's lazy smile.

And that really wasn't fair, Edmund thought, that Caspian could smile like that and make the air too thick for Edmund to breathe properly. Struggling to look casual, Edmund took another sip of his rum, licking his lips to moisten them and then his eyes widened as he saw Caspian take a couple of quick steps towards him and then stop, his hand gripping the railing tightly. His eyes seemed to burn into Edmund's and a giddy rush of excitement swept through Edmund as he realised that Caspian was just as affected by the tension between them as he was.

He glanced quickly about the deck but everyone else was still dancing or talking and no one was watching him. Edmund's heart stuttered in his chest as he wondered if he really dared to take the game, which had started so unconsciously on his part, further.

Slowly he stood, still watching the dancers and feeling Caspian's eyes tracking his every move. He drifted towards the railing and stopped just out of Caspian's reach. Then he turned and casually leaned back on his elbows against the railing and finally met Caspian's unwavering gaze.

"You're teasing me," Caspian stated in a soft voice and he smiled that slow, lazy smile that seemed to make Edmund's heart stop. "I can play that game too." Then his eyes left Edmund's and swept a burning glance down Edmund's body. It was a struggle to stand still and it seemed to Edmund that his skin was almost scorched wherever Caspian's eyes lingered as his gaze drifted slowly, so very slowly, back up to Edmund's face. He knew he hadn't a hope of not blushing and sure enough when Caspian's eyes finally met his again he could feel his face flushing with heat.

A part of Edmund wondered what on earth he thought he was doing, playing with fire like this, but another part, the part that kept his eyes locked with Caspian's, was excitedly pushing him to go further. Edmund listened to it, raised his cup to his lips and took another slow sip. As he lowered his cup, he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth savouring the taste of the rum, and he almost purred in triumph as he saw Caspian's eyes darken and focus on his mouth.

"Edmund," Caspian's voice sounded strangely husky. "Do you _really_ want me to kiss you right here? Because if you do that again, I will."

Edmund blinked in surprise and then quickly glanced around the deck, his triumph quickly fading. His mouth dropped open in dismay as he realised that he'd completely forgotten where they were. Luckily, nobody seemed to be watching them and he breathed a short gasp of relief and glanced ruefully at Caspian. Caspian's eyes were still dark and serious and Edmund's heart fluttered.

"You'd better go," Caspian said. "I promise you I won't be far behind."

Edmund's heart seemed to pound in his ears as he tried to walk calmly across the deck, trying not to think about the way he could feel Caspian's eyes still on him. He went straight to the cabin and lit the lamp with shaking hands. Really, what had gotten into him, acting like that in public? Surely he hadn't drunk that much rum.

The door opened and Edmund turned swiftly, meeting Caspian's eyes. The King closed the door gently, locked it, and leaned against it, smiling. His eyes drifted once more over Edmund's body and once more Edmund felt his face flush.

"You really don't know what you do to me when you blush like that, do you?" Caspian asked softly. He took a step forward and brushed a finger over Edmund's mouth. Then he held out the cup of rum that Edmund had left on the railing.

"Do it again," he breathed.

Edmund closed his eyes for a moment, trying to squash the fevered excitement that was rising inside him. He'd never felt anything like this before and he knew that a part of him was frightened of it. He squashed that down too and reached out and took the cup.

Caspian's eyes never left his as Edmund raised the cup to his mouth and took a sip and when he sucked his bottom lip gently into his mouth and out again, it was with a strangely powerful thrill that he heard Caspian actually moan. Then he was pulled into Caspian's arms. He heard the bell-like ring as the cup dropped to the floor but ignored it as immediately Caspian's lips met his in a fierce kiss, demanding and hard, with a faint taste of rum on his lips. Caspian had not kissed him like this, so passionately, since the day they had gone hunting together on Dragon Island and for a moment Edmund froze. Caspian's mouth was already gentling against his when Edmund finally began to respond just as passionately, knowing that he couldn't stand the thought of Caspian pulling away this time. He opened his mouth and felt Caspian's tongue thrust against his and pushed forward answering Caspian's demand with his own.

Suddenly he was pushed gently away and Edmund groaned in frustration but Caspian was already moving and Edmund realised he was being pulled to the bunk. He lay down quickly and tugged at Caspian's hand, eager to feel his lips again. Caspian laughed softly and then lowered himself down beside Edmund, his arms pulling Edmund close.

"Slowly," Caspian breathed and when he lowered his head it was not to Edmund's mouth but to his throat, nipping and sucking in a way that soon had Edmund moaning breathlessly.

When Caspian's lips finally returned to his, Edmund was no longer capable of thought. His only focus was Caspian's mouth, moving against his slowly and deeply, his tongue sliding and tangling with Edmund's in ways that sent dark and lazy waves of desire flowing throughout his body. Edmund was hard now, his erection straining against his hose, and he longed desperately for some sort of friction to ease the need. Still lying on his side, he tried to push against Caspian and he groaned in frustration when Caspian's hand on his hip pushed him away.

Caspian raised his head and smiled and then he sat up and pulled his tunic over his head and threw it on the floor. Before Edmund could even think a coherent thought, Caspian's lips were back on his, hot and hard, and he moaned as he felt Caspian's hands sliding under his own tunic, smoothing over his skin. Edmund reached out tentatively and ran one hand over Caspian's chest, feeling the hard muscle under warm, velvet skin.

Edmund's tunic was now bunched up under his arms and when Caspian tugged at it, Edmund sat up and allowed it to be pulled over his head. Lying down again, he felt strangely shy but when Caspian began to kiss gently along Edmund's collarbone the feeling quickly passed, and he closed his eyes, revelling in the pleasure he was feeling. He ran his hand up Caspian's side, scraping his nails gently against Caspian's skin and grinned to himself when Caspian hissed.

Then Caspian's hand slid from Edmund's hip and he felt something tugging at his hose. Caspian raised his head and looked down at Edmund as if measuring his reaction.

"Let me touch you," the whisper was so soft that Edmund almost didn't hear it and for a moment Edmund was completely confused. Hadn't Caspian already been touching him? Then Caspian's hand brushed his hip, his fingers sliding under the top of Edmund's hose, and Edmund understood. His stomach lurched and he felt his erection twitch as he thought about what it would be like to have Caspian's hand there. Edmund closed his eyes and nodded slowly.

It seemed to Edmund that he couldn't get enough air into his lungs as Caspian's hand slid under his waistband, sliding the fabric down Edmund's legs. Caspian's hand brushed Edmund's stomach, pushing him onto his back so that Edmund could lift himself to let Caspian tug the hose down to Edmund's knees. Then Caspian's hand on his hip pulled Edmund back up onto his side so that he was facing Caspian once more.

When Edmund finally opened his eyes, Caspian's gaze was sweeping along Edmund's body again. Edmund flushed as he realized that he was almost completely naked whilst only Caspian's chest was bare and he shifted nervously. Caspian's eyes immediately met his and he leaned forward and covered Edmund's trembling mouth in a deep kiss, and Edmund gasped into that kiss when he felt a warm, rough hand wrap firmly around his softening erection. The feeling was intense, and suddenly Edmund was on fire again, pushing into Caspian's mouth, pushing into Caspian's hand.

Then Caspian's hand was gone and Edmund felt him shifting on the bunk. Edmund wrenched his mouth away from Caspian's and shocked himself as he growled in frustration.

"Don't _stop_."

But Caspian's hand was already back and with it something else, something long and hard that slid along his erection within Caspian's hand. Edmund gazed down their bodies and his breath hitched as he realised that Caspian was now as undressed as Edmund, and that he was gripping both their erections in his hand, pumping firmly.

"Oh," he breathed, and Caspian's hand tightened. He moved closer and Edmund could see the muscles in his arm flexing as his hand worked.

Edmund's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head as a particularly sharp jolt of pleasure rocked through him. The exquisite pressure was building and he knew he wouldn't last much longer, but he wanted _more_. He looked at Caspian and saw that his eyes were looking down, intently focused on what he was doing, his lips were parted and he was breathing hard, almost sucking in the air. He looked… _beautiful_ , Edmund thought, and he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Caspian's neck. He licked the skin of Caspian's throat, tasting the salt, and heard Caspian moan his approval.

Another lightning strike of ecstasy surged through Edmund and, without thought, he bit down into Caspian's skin and sucked hard.

" _Edmund_ ," Caspian's voice was throaty and deep and shocked and then his whole body stiffened against Edmunds. His hand clenched around their erections and Edmund's toes curled as almost painful bliss surged through his body and he erupted into Caspian's hand.

It seemed to last forever as he slowly came back to himself. He was still being held tightly and Edmund could feel Caspian's gasping breath ghosting over his shoulder.

Eventually Caspian's body relaxed and he collapsed onto his back pulling Edmund down with him. His hand stroked softly along Edmund's side, soothing and reassuring.

"You alright?" Caspian whispered.

Edmund nodded against Caspian's chest, not yet capable of speech. His thumping heart was only just beginning to return to normal. Was he alright? He'd nodded automatically, without thinking, but now he decided he was. Even as numbing lethargy stole through his body, he knew that he would want to do it all again… as soon as possible.

* * *

When Edmund woke Caspian was already gone. He stretched luxuriously on the bunk realising that he must have slept late. His mouth was dry and it was when Edmund got out of the bunk to get some water that he found that he was completely naked. Immediately memories of the night before flooded into his mind and he flopped back onto the bunk, blushing hotly.

Really, how in Aslan's name had he behaved like that at the party? He hadn't drunk that much rum surely? Edmund remembered the way Caspian had looked at him as they'd teased each other and shivered. He had to be honest; he'd enjoyed every moment of it, especially what had happened after they'd come back to the cabin. Edmund felt the heat from his face spread down his neck onto his chest and an erection stirred between his legs. He closed his eyes, slid one hand down his body and fondled it gently.

The sound of the cabin door opening made his eyes fly open in horror but before he could move the door was already closed and Caspian was standing over him. Edmund reached for the blanket but the King smiled at him, leant down and pulled it out of his reach. Then he tugged on Edmund's hand so that he was sitting on the edge of the bunk, knelt down in front of him and plastered his lips onto Edmunds mouth. Edmund sighed in contentment.

Still, it was strange to be naked when Caspian was fully dressed and Edmund tugged at the long handkerchief that Caspian had tied around his neck. Caspian pulled away from him, his eyes twinkling into Edmunds.

"I'm afraid that's necessary today," he said.

Edmund blinked in confusion. "What?"

Caspian grinned at him and untied the handkerchief. "Look."

Edmund saw that at the base of Caspian's throat there was a reddish circular bruise marking his fair skin. He frowned. "How did you…?" Then the memory of himself biting into Caspian's skin came to him and he felt his face burning.

"Oh… sorry," he mumbled.

Caspian laughed. "I'm not. But I know you don't really want other people to know about this, so I thought I'd better cover it."

Something about the words made Edmund feel uncomfortable and he gazed at the mark in deep thought.

"What's wrong?" Caspian asked quietly, his arms sliding around Edmund's waist.

"Do _you_ want people to know about this?"

Caspian's lips brushed over Edmund's briefly.

"One step at a time, Edmund," Caspian replied. "Nobody else needs to know… this is between us."

Edmund nodded, deeply relieved. The situation was so new to him, and it had been hard enough having to talk to Eustace about it, the thought of having to do the same with Lucy terrified him.

Caspian pressed close, his tunic brushing against Edmund's bare chest.

"Don't worry about it, Edmund," he whispered into Edmund's ear, and Edmund shivered as Caspian's tongue traced his earlobe. Warm lips trailed softly down Edmund's throat and Edmund couldn't stop himself from moaning softly. Caspian's hands were running smoothly over Edmund's back and sides and he felt Caspian's hair brush his chin as the King's mouth moved to his chest.

Edmund gasped when Caspian's tongue caressed his nipple, the sensation was amazing and a jolt of hot pleasure shot straight to Edmund's groin. He could feel himself getting hard again and he slid forward, rubbing himself against Caspian's stomach. Edmund tugged at Caspian's tunic wishing he could feel his skin.

Edmund felt muffled laughter against his chest and then strong hands grasped his hips holding him still.

"Ah… no you don't," Caspian whispered. "I have other plans for that." Then he stood and swiftly pulled his tunic over his head. In what seemed only a second to Edmund, Caspian had pulled off his boots and hose and was back, kneeling between Edmund's thighs.

For the first time Edmund allowed himself to really look at Caspian's body. His chest was broader than Edmund's own, and where Edmund's build was more lean and wiry, Caspian was more muscular with a fine dusting of golden hair that trailed down to his flat stomach. Edmund felt ridiculously shy looking at Caspian's body and he wasn't sure whether he was regretful or relieved that he couldn't see any further than his waist.

Then Caspian's lips met his in a deep, hungry kiss and Edmund didn't worry about anything anymore.

Caspian's body pushed against Edmund's as they kissed, pressing him back down onto the bunk and when Caspian's stomach pressed down on Edmund's erection, Edmund tore his mouth away from Caspian's. Gasping for breath he was shocked to actually hear himself whimper. Caspian had not stopped kissing Edmund, his mouth trailing over his cheek, down his throat and back to Edmund's chest. Caspian's hands were holding Edmund's waist tight, fingertips pressing into his flesh, as his lips slid over Edmund's chest and down to his stomach. Edmund felt Caspian's tongue swirl into his belly button and he gasped in delight. One of Caspian's hands moved between Edmund's thighs and gripped his erection, the other drifted lower, fingers caressing Edmund's bottom. The pleasure was so intense that Edmund's eyes rolled into the back of his head and his legs began to tremble. It was overwhelming; everything seemed to be happening so quickly that Edmund felt like he was struggling to keep up.

Edmund lifted his head and looked down his body. Caspian was still kissing Edmund's stomach hungrily. His eyes were open, dark and hard and he looked completely focused. For a moment he looked like a stranger and Edmund shivered and tensed, reaching down to push him away. Immediately Caspian raised his head and met Edmund's eyes blankly. Then he smiled his usual smile and Edmund felt like he'd been an idiot.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away," Caspian said softly. "I want you so much. Do you want me to stop?"

Caspian's hand was still stroking Edmund's erection and Edmund shivered again, this time with pleasure.

"No," he said and his voice sounded hoarse.

Again Caspian smiled and then bent his head and swirled his tongue around the top of Edmund's shaft.

" _Caspian…_ " Edmund gasped, so utterly shocked that for a moment his body did not feel what his eyes were seeing. He watched, amazed, as Caspian opened his mouth wide and sucked Edmund's erection in between his lips, and then finally the sensations caught up with Edmund's brain. He flung his head back and his hips jerked upwards. Immediately he felt Caspian's hands holding him down but his mouth did not move away and Edmund was lost. Lost in the feeling of wet heat that surrounded him, lost in the pressure of Caspian's tongue sliding around him.

The tension that was now becoming addictively familiar was building in Edmund's body again. His body tingled and tightened and then the hot pleasure was flowing from him. As his body trembled with it he felt Caspian pull away. Edmund opened his eyes and saw Caspian kneeling above him, saw that Caspian was stroking his own erection, his eyes on Edmund's face, and without thinking Edmund reached out and covered Caspian's hand with his own.

Caspian's eyes widened slightly and then he sank down beside Edmund. Edmund explored with his fingers, the feeling of Caspian's shaft was familiar but different and Edmund wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

"Just do what you'd do to yourself," Caspian whispered, as if he'd read Edmund's mind. "I won't last much longer."

There was a note of tight desperation in Caspian's voice and Edmund suddenly wanted to repay him for all the pleasure he'd given Edmund. He wanted to see in Caspian's face what Caspian must have seen in his only moments ago. Edmund leant up on his side, tightened his hold and began to stroke... and Caspian moaned.

A few seconds later, Caspian grunted and warm liquid flowed into Edmund's hand. He watched Caspian's face, saw his eyes close, saw his teeth biting into his bottom lip as he gasped for air and felt a thrill of triumph that he, Edmund, had caused this.

"I had no idea," he breathed, "that it could be like this. When we were in Narnia before I always wondered why Peter and Susan bothered with this sort of thing. Now I know."

Caspian's eyes opened and he smiled. He reached up and brushed Edmund's hair back.

"How long have you…?" Edmund faltered on the question, amazed that he'd had the nerve to even think of asking. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"No, Edmund, it's fine," Caspian answered. "I was about your age. Before I left my Uncle's castle." He grinned. "And before you ask, it was with a girl. It was nice but I have to admit that afterwards I did wonder what all the fuss was about. Still, I suppose you could say I had a relationship with her. Who knows, maybe I would have even married her but my Uncle found out and sent her away. I've seen her a few times since, she's married now and has a child."

"Were you in love with her?" Edmund asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in his heart.

Caspian looked thoughtful. "No… I don't think so, but how can one really tell at that age?"

A stab of pain went through Edmund's chest and he swallowed heavily. After all he was _that_ age. Was Caspian trying to tell him something?

He glanced at Caspian's face but the King's eyes were still thoughtful. He looked a thousand miles away.

"So, after that?"

Caspian blinked and his gaze focused on Edmund.

"It all seems so long ago," Caspian said. "So much has happened since." He sighed. "After she was sent away, I met a boy… in the stables," his eyes twinkled in amusement and Edmund couldn't help laughing. "Don't worry, I don't _think_ it was habit forming. That was more… intense…" his voice drifted and he looked thoughtful again.

"What happened to him?"

Caspian didn't answer at first and when he did his voice was bleak.

"He was killed actually, at the Battle of Beruna. I found that out much later. He'd been conscripted into Miraz's army."

"Oh," Edmund didn't really know what to say and he was almost relieved when there was a tap at the door.

"Caspian, are you there?" It was Lucy, and Edmund was extremely thankful that they had started the habit of locking the door.

Caspian grimaced. "Yes, I'm here," he called. "What is it?

"Drinian wants to talk to you. Um… you don't know where Edmund is, do you? He wasn't at breakfast and I can't find him anywhere."

Edmund was frozen with fear. He knew it was absurd but he just couldn't think what to do. Caspian looked at him questioningly and Edmund shook his head.

"Ah… I'm not sure, Lucy," Caspian said, getting up from the bunk. "Tell Drinian I'll be there shortly."

"Alright," Lucy called, and they heard her walking away.

Caspian pulled on his clothes and then dropped a kiss on Edmund's mouth.

"Wait a few minutes after I'm gone," he said quietly. "Then go and get some breakfast." Then he winked. "And remember to put some clothes on."

Edmund rolled his eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Edmund knew that he'd been furious with Caspian and the anger still lingered even though his mind couldn't grasp the reason why. As they returned to the Dawn Treader from the island that they had named Deathwater, he watched Caspian and could see the same confusion on his face.

Over the last three days Edmund had been feeling steadily more comfortable with Caspian, more comfortable with their relationship, and definitely more comfortable with the King's body. In private, Edmund would often find himself blushing and squirming with embarrassment at some of the things he was now doing but when he was doing them all he could think about was the slow burn of heat in his body, the pleasure that would come after and the heady power of giving the same pleasure to Caspian.

He'd mapped Caspian's body with his hands and his mouth, just as Caspian had mapped his. Felt the heavy weight of Caspian's erection slide into his mouth as his own body had trembled with apprehension, knowing that Caspian's eyes were watching his face, careful and cautious. But Edmund had been determined, the nerves had passed and when Caspian had finally laid back and moaned, his hips moving under Edmund's hands, Edmund's entire focus had become his mouth on Caspian. He'd explored and experimented while Caspian shuddered beneath him, until Caspian's voice had called his name in warning and he'd been pulled up into Caspian's arms and felt the liquid warmth spread between them. And then, of course, he'd blushed. But that hadn't stopped him doing it again.

And then they had stopped at the island to fill their water casks and explore. Edmund knew that they had found the body of one of the seven Lord's there and that was all he knew, except that somehow he was angry with Caspian, and that Caspian was angry with him as well.

Through supper they were all of them silent, the unease they all felt heavy in the air between them. Finally, Reepicheep stood and glanced around the table.

"I suggest," he said, "that we all retire for the night and put the memory of this island behind us."

Everyone nodded in agreement but Edmund knew that he was reluctant to return to the cabin with Caspian. He could see the same lingering resentment he felt in the darkness of Caspian's eyes and saw the angry flare of heat in them as Edmund rose hesitantly.

He followed Caspian out onto the deck and then stopped. The others drifted away and Caspian, obviously realising that Edmund was no longer behind him, turned and held out a hand.

"Come to the cabin, Edmund," he said.

Edmund couldn't see Caspian's face in the darkness but he heard the firm authority in his voice and the resentment that had been simmering inside him, the resentment that he didn't really understand, flared into red-hot anger.

"No," he said.

For a moment Caspian was very still and even in the darkness Edmund could sense the tension in his body.

"We can't talk about this out here on deck, Edmund," Caspian said finally. "Come to the cabin."

Underneath the resentment that simmered in Edmund a tiny tendril of fear uncurled and he hissed in a quick breath. Caspian's final words had awoken something, some sort of memory, and finally he heard it in his head – the Calormene's voice.

_'Get in the tent'._

Edmund shook his head, trying to clear it.

"No," he whispered.

"Edmund?" Caspian's voice now sounded confused and he stepped closer.

Edmund took a swift step away and in the darkness saw Caspian reach out for him.

"Edmund? Wait," and Edmund was pulled forward into Caspian's arms. "No… I would never mean… I'm sorry."

Edmund finally released the breath he'd not even been aware he'd been holding. He was still tense and even though Caspian's hands around his waist were gentle, he could not relax.

"I'm sorry," Caspian repeated, his voice a whisper against Edmund's ear. "I don't understand this. I don't remember anything about that damned island except that you and I argued and I was angry… and I don't know _why_. "

"I was angry too." Relief was flooding through Edmund and he rested his head on Caspian's shoulder, as he was pulled closer. "And when you ordered me like that-"

"I know," Caspian interrupted, his arms tightening around Edmund. "I'm sorry."

Edmund nodded against Caspian's shoulder. It was a relief that the confusing anger they had both been feeling seemed to be fading but he could still feel the tension in his body. His relationship with Caspian had lead to a greater understanding of what could have happened at Narrowhaven and when Edmund thought of the Calormene touching his body the way Caspian had, he could not suppress the shudder of horror that rippled through him.

He felt Caspian's lips brush over his ear.

"Come to the cabin," Caspian's voice was soft and tender, and when he took Edmund's hand tugging him gently towards the cabin, Edmund followed.

Once inside with the door locked behind them Caspian took Edmund in his arms once more, his eyes searching Edmund's face. Edmund flushed, unable to meet Caspian's gaze, and finally resorted to resting his head on Caspian's shoulder again. He closed his eyes when Caspian's hand ran softly through his hair and settled on the back of his neck, heavy and soothing, his thumb caressing Edmund's skin.

"I wish I could take that memory away for you, Edmund," Caspian said, his voice a gentle murmur in Edmund's ear. "And I'm more sorry than I can say that something I said brought it back to you. I know that sometimes I can be overbearing but I need you to understand that I would never expect you to just obey me without question. I would _never_ want that from you. I would never be angry if you told me no… about anything."

Edmund sighed. "You were angry with me after Dragon Island." The memory of that time still disturbed him. "You told me so."

"Yes, I was," Caspian replied. "But I was angry with you for closing me off without talking about it. If we disagreed about something I would argue the point with you but I wouldn't be angry with you for disagreeing with me."

"I understand." The tension was slowly draining from Edmund and as he relaxed against Caspian's body he felt the King's arms around him tighten and he smiled. "But you know, you're not overbearing, Caspian."

"I'm not?" Caspian sounded confused and Edmund grinned into his shoulder.

"No, you're actually downright bossy."

Caspian laughed. "Kings are supposed to be bossy, Edmund."

"Ah, in that case that means that I can-" But a hand under Edmund's chin pulled his head up off Caspian's shoulder and firm lips on his swallowed the rest of his words. Caspian's mouth was demanding and persuasive in the type of kiss that always stirred something in Edmund that made him melt into it. When Caspian's lips left his, Edmund was breathless. Caspian's hand was still under his chin and his eyes were intent and serious.

"This is something I can't really change about myself, Edmund," Caspian said. "I was born to this - to command, I'm used to it, and I like it. And it's expected of me. Does it bother you _all_ the time?"

A flutter went through Edmund's stomach and he was experienced enough by now to know what it meant. This relationship with Caspian was making him aware of many things about himself that he'd never had the opportunity to think about before and he wasn't yet sure if he was really comfortable with all of them. He knew that it wasn't always his own shyness that made it so easy for him to let Caspian take the lead in what they did together; part of him enjoyed it and part of him was still horrified at how comfortable he was becoming with his own loss of control. It had become obvious to Edmund that Caspian enjoyed it as well but he sensed that after the misunderstanding that had just occurred Caspian needed some reassurance. Edmund just wasn't sure if he was ready to actually admit these feelings.

Caspian was still watching him expectantly and Edmund felt the heat rising in his face, saw the slow smile cross Caspian's face, and wondered resentfully if he would ever stop this annoying habit of blushing all the time.

He shifted uncomfortably.

"Perhaps, sometimes, I don't mind so much," he finally muttered, hoping that Caspian would leave it at that.

"Good," Caspian breathed, and then his lips were on Edmund's again in a kiss that was as soft and gentle as the previous one had been hard and demanding.

* * *

The next morning the wind changed and they sailed steadily eastward. For Edmund these days passed in a hazy dream of sunlit days and languid nights. It felt as if the slow burn of desire never left him, hanging heavy around him all through the hot day, building to a peak when he met Caspian in their cabin, and returning the next morning when he awoke.

Edmund wondered if the intensity of it could possibly be normal but when he finally got the courage to ask about it, Caspian gave him that slow, lazy smile that always made Edmund lose his breath and told him that he felt the same way.

They had one disagreement. Edmund was leaning over the deck railing watching the afternoon sunlight dancing on the waves when strong arms wrapped tightly around him from behind and a warm mouth pressed to his throat. For a moment he melted into the embrace and then realisation struck him and he turned quickly, pushing Caspian away.

"What are you doing?" he whispered frantically.

Caspian was grinning at him. "There's no one around and I couldn't resist."

"That's not the point," Edmund was angry now and he could feel the heated flush in his face. "Anyone could have come along. We agreed."

"Perhaps it's time to change the agreement," Caspian said, his eyes alight with some sort of emotion that Edmund could not fathom. "People will find out eventually and I'm tired of not being able to touch you whenever I like."

Through his anger Edmund felt a little flutter of excitement at Caspian's words but he sternly pushed it down.

"I told you I'm not ready for that."

"Nobody would really mind, Edmund, you know that," Caspian's voice was soft now, persuasive and coaxing, and he pressed closer.

"It's just…" Edmund cleared his throat trying to ignore the warmth he could feel from Caspian's body. "It's just... I'm not sure about Lucy, about how she would react."

"Lucy's been in Narnia before, Edmund," said Caspian firmly. "I would have thought Eustace would have been more of a concern and he was fine. I'm fairly certain Lucy will be as well."

"And the rest of them?"

"My subjects are aware I've had lovers, Edmund."

"Well, yes, but _I_ haven't, Caspian," Edmund ground out, his temper snapping. "This is new to me, even if it isn't such a novelty to _you_ , and I'd prefer to have some privacy."

"I'm not saying we shouldn't have privacy, Edmund. By the Lion's Mane, it's not like I'm going to ravish you in the middle of the deck, I just want to be able to…" he broke off, staring at Edmund. "Don't blush at me like that, you know what it does to me."

Edmund could feel his face flaming but absurdly he wanted to laugh and he wondered if Caspian would eventually drive him completely mad. He sighed. Caspian smiled at him and just like that, Edmund's anger was gone.

"I need more time," he finally said, softly.

Caspian cast a swift glance along the still empty deck and grinned.

"All right," he whispered. "One kiss, right now, and you can have as much time as you need."

Edmund grimaced but he couldn't find his anger again, not with Caspian looking at him with such mischief in his eyes.

"Must you always have your own way?"

Caspian shrugged. "Well, I _am_ the King."

"Hmph," Edmund snorted. He gave up. "Fine."

Caspian bent his head and brushed his lips against Edmund's. Trying to make the kiss quick, Edmund started to pull away but Caspian's hands settled behind Edmund's head and his mouth opened, deepening the kiss into something long and messy. When Caspian finally ended it, Edmund was breathless.

"See." Caspian winked. "That wasn't so bad." And then he was gone.

Edmund leaned against the railing for a long moment trying to calm himself. He felt shell-shocked, both by the argument and it's ending. It was only as he entered the main cabin that Edmund remembered, with a dreadful rush of horror, that the lookout in the crows-nest had probably witnessed the whole scene.

He wondered if Caspian had 'conveniently' forgotten that.

* * *

All through supper Edmund glared resentfully at Caspian, whilst the King returned his gaze with a look of calm amusement. This seemed to Edmund like an admission of unapologetic guilt and he fumed silently, waiting for the moment when he could tell Caspian exactly what he thought of him.

As soon as the meal was over, Edmund rose to his feet, gave Caspian a look that he was sure was obvious as _'Follow me now_ ,' and left the cabin. He entered their cabin, leaving the door open, and it wasn't until he heard it locking behind him, that Edmund turned. Caspian was watching him, still with that look of amusement, and Edmund felt the fury rise in his throat.

"I _told_ you I needed more time," Edmund said as calmly as he could.

"I gather you've remembered the lookout then," Caspian replied, his eyes dancing.

"Yes I have, and I don't see why the hell you're so entertained by the idea of what happened spreading all over the ship, especially-"

"Did you actually see who it was?" Caspian interrupted.

"No," Edmund snapped, his face flushing. He'd been far too embarrassed to go back and find out who had been in the crows nest. "That's not the point."

"Actually it is," Caspian said with such a gleeful smirk on his face that Edmund wanted to hurl the water jug in his face. Instead he stared at the King blankly.

"The man on second watch was ill today and he couldn't do his shift. Drinian and I were discussing a replacement when Eustace volunteered to take the watch. He was up there. I don't imagine he was too happy but he certainly won't be telling anyone."

Edmund stood, watching the grin widen on Caspian's face, and felt the mixture of relief and fury race through his body.

"You… set me up," he finally managed to splutter. "You utter… _utter… bastard!_ "

"Yes, I know," Caspian gasped, laughing.

Edmund picked up the water jug and flung it at him. Caspian managed to catch the jug but not before a great arc of water flew through the air, drenching him from head to foot. He gaped at Edmund in shock and Edmund couldn't stop himself from erupting into laughter.

Caspian gently placed the jug on the bench near the door and grinned at Edmund.

"You are going to pay a high price for that, King Edmund."

"Ha, you deserved it _King_ Caspian," Edmund replied, still snorting with laughter.

Caspian was approaching him slowly and stealthily and Edmund eyed the door, wondering if he could move fast enough to get by Caspian and out of the cabin. His hesitation cost him too much time though, because just as he started to move, Caspian lunged and tackled Edmund to the floor. They hit the floorboards with a crash that knocked the wind out of Edmund and before he could react, Caspian was sitting astride him, tickling his sides without mercy.

Edmund flailed under Caspian, gasping for breath through sobs of laughter and begging him to stop.

"Apologise, King Edmund, and I will."

" _You're_ the one who should apologise," Edmund panted, and he reached up to Caspian's head and grabbed two full handfuls of his hair. "Stop, or I'll pull it out."

Caspian did stop, but only to grasp Edmund's wrists so tightly that Edmund had to let go. Then Caspian pulled Edmund's hands down and held them on the floor above Edmund's head.

"Going to play rough are you?" He smirked at Edmund.

Caspian's chest was now pressed to Edmund's and Edmund grimaced at the cold dampness soaking into his clothing.

"Ugh, you're getting me wet."

"Now, that's an idea," Caspian leered, and Edmund laughed.

"You're such an idiot sometimes, Caspian," he said.

"You know," said Caspian, "I think I could really be an idiot over you, Edmund."

Edmund blinked in confusion, not sure whether Caspian was joking. The King was still smiling but his eyes were gazing into Edmund's, his expression serious. However before Edmund could think of a reply, Caspian leant down and pressed his lips to Edmund's in a soft kiss.

The hardness of the floor under his back was forgotten as Edmund opened himself to the kiss, sliding his tongue against Caspians. He felt Caspian's hands leave his wrists and slide over his palms, his fingers tangling with Edmund's. All he could feel was Caspian's body pressed to his, Caspian's hands holding his hands, and Caspian's hot mouth sliding against his own, and it felt… perfect. He moaned softly.

Caspian's mouth left his and slid softly along his throat, teeth gently scraping and Edmund shuddered at the delicious sensation. Caspian's hands were now drifting over Edmund's body, pulling and tugging, removing both his own and Edmund's clothing, and finally Edmund felt the warm slide of skin against skin and shuddered again. As always, Edmund felt that he was losing himself, his only focus Caspian's body and hands and the moist heat of Caspian's mouth as it glided over Edmund's skin. He gasped when it settled over his now hard shaft.

Caspian's hand was tight around him, stroking, as his tongue circled the head of Edmund's erection, his other hand running along the back of Edmund's thigh, pushing his leg up slightly. When Caspian's mouth left him, Edmund raised his head in protest, leaning up on his elbows, and saw that the King was watching him, his eyes dark. He smiled at Edmund and then, raising his hand to his mouth, slid his tongue wetly around his fingers. The sight made Edmund's breath catch and their gazes locked as the moment held, heavy and silent between them.

Then Edmund felt Caspian's hand brush his bottom, his fingers sliding wetly into Edmund's cleft, and drifting across the entrance to his body. Edmund stilled, holding his breath as Caspian's fingers pressed smoothly against him, circling and rubbing, leaving tendrils of sensation wherever they touched Edmund. His other hand was still slowly stroking Edmund's erection and Edmund's eyes drifted shut as the pleasure began to build.

"Do you like this?" Caspian's voice was low and husky, and Edmund finally took a stuttering breath. "You have to tell me, Edmund."

Edmund opened his eyes and found that Caspian's gaze was still searching his face. At his serious expression a tremble went through Edmund's body and he couldn't be certain if it was fear or excitement.

"Tell me, Edmund. It's all right if you don't like it but you have to tell me."

Caspian's fingers rubbed more firmly against Edmund's entrance and the jolt of pleasure Edmund felt had him arching off the floor, his eyes widening in surprise.

"You look so…" Caspian's voice broke off in a groan and it was a moment before he spoke again. "Tell me, Edmund."

"Yes," Edmund gasped, and he arched off the floor again as the very tip of Caspian's finger pushed into him. Caspian's hand rested there as he leant up over Edmund and took his mouth in a deep kiss, his lips then sliding around to Edmund's ear.

"I can't take this any further right now, Edmund," he whispered. "Not on the floor, and not without some oil, but do you understand what this can lead to?"

Edmund blinked, confused, and then the memory flooded into him, the memory of one night in Cair Paravel, it seemed a hundred years ago and was probably actually thousands. Peter had returned from one of his campaigns in the North, they'd all been drinking and after the girls had gone one of Peter's knights had started telling bawdy tales, which had grown more and more shocking until culminating in a story about a Knight and his Squire that had caused many of those present to blush. The details of the story had seemed disturbing to Edmund at the time and he'd quickly forgotten them, but now, with Caspian's body pressed warm against him, he wasn't sure if he was disturbed for the same reasons.

"Edmund?" Caspian's breath ghosted over Edmund's ear.

"I understand," Edmund said quickly, as he felt the heat rising in his face. He cleared his throat. "You want to…" he faltered.

Caspian's lips met Edmund's again in a lingering kiss.

"Yes, I do," he whispered against Edmund's mouth. "But that doesn't mean we have to." Edmund felt him smile. "I don't _actually_ always have to get my own way, you know."

Edmund returned the smile but his heart was pounding and he wasn't sure why. When Caspian had touched him it had felt good but at the same time the whole idea seemed shocking… and too intimate.

"Edmund," as Caspian's hand smoothed gently over his brow, Edmund realised he'd been frowning. "I only want to do what you want me to do. There's no hurry, let's just keep doing what makes us feel good, and if it happens, then it happens. All right?"

Edmund nodded, unable to speak, his face still uncomfortably hot. Caspian smiled at him again and slid down his body, his mouth leaving wet trails down Edmund's chest. Edmund watched Caspian wet his fingers but when Caspian's mouth surrounded his shaft, Edmund's eyes closed at the hot pleasure of it. He held his breath, waiting and at the first wet touch of Caspian's fingers in his cleft, Edmund shivered. After that it was just wet heat and pressure and it felt as if his entire lower body was on fire. Waves of pleasure rolled through Edmund, the pressure building and then, just as he felt he couldn't take anymore, he felt Caspian's finger pushing inside him. Edmund's eyes flew open, his back arched, a groan erupted from his lips and it was over.

As he lay shuddering and gasping for breath, Caspian loomed over him and pressed down, thrusting against Edmund's limp body. His mouth took Edmund's in a deep kiss and his hands slid into Edmund's hair, holding him in place. By now, Edmund knew that Caspian liked this, liked Edmund under him, pliant and open, and Edmund could admit that he liked the feeling of Caspian's strength against him. For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to be open to Caspian in the way that Caspian had suggested and a wave of heat went through Edmund, and suddenly he was mindlessly meeting Caspian's thrusts. Caspian moaned his approval into Edmund's mouth, thrust hard once more and then stilled. Edmund sighed in contentment, wrapped his arms around Caspian's shoulders and held him close.


	12. Chapter 12

A fortnight passed where they continued to sail east with a fair wind and no sight of land. Their stores began to get low and although he didn't show it, Edmund knew that Caspian was beginning to become concerned. Nobody really wanted the adventure to end but if they did not find land soon they would have to turn back before it was too late.

Edmund started to wonder what would happen if they had to return to Narnia. If he continued in this relationship with Caspian (and he could admit to himself that he really did not want to stop) and they returned to Cair Paravel he supposed he would find himself in the position of sharing the King's bedchamber. That, of course, meant that everyone would know and Edmund still wasn't sure he was ready for that but, to be fair, he knew he couldn't expect Caspian to sneak around in his own castle.

Of course, he reflected, it might not come to that. He still had the strange feeling that he might not actually see Narnia again and aside from that he really had no solid idea of what Caspian expected to happen. They'd never really talked about what they were doing, they'd made no promises to each other and by now Edmund knew that Caspian had, in the past, had quite a few lovers, some more official than others, and besides all that Caspian would one day have to take a Queen.

Edmund shivered and moved along the bench he was sitting on into the sunlight. He really didn't want to think too far ahead into the future. What was happening to him every night in the cabin was enough to focus on for now. Just as Caspian had been slowly eroding Edmund's emotional barriers, he was now slowly breaking through his physical defences. If someone had told Edmund a month ago that he would find himself lying on a bunk, his legs spread wide, moaning into Caspian's mouth while Caspian's fingers moved inside him, he would have thought them completely insane. But last night he had done exactly that, and even though he now blushed to think of it, he knew that tonight he would want to do it again, and that very soon he would want to do more.

Edmund felt movement beside him and jolted in surprise. He hadn't realised that anyone had been so close to him on the deck and when he turned he found that Reepicheep was sitting beside him on the bench. He wondered how long the mouse had been there.

"Hello, Reep," he said.

"King Edmund," Reepicheep bowed his head in response. "May I say that I am glad to see that you and King Caspian no longer seem to suffer from whatever troubled you on Dragon Island."

Edmund cleared his throat nervously. Why did the dratted mouse always have to be so outspoken, he thought resentfully. It was enough to make anyone want to clip his whiskers.

"Yes, well, thank you Reep," he said. "Although I think Caspian is somewhat worried about the supplies."

"Yes," the mouse agreed and Edmund sighed with relief that he had accepted the change of subject. "It would be a shame if you had to turn back now."

"Well, I think we have time to-" Edmund began, and then frowned at Reepicheep. "Wait a minute, what do you mean by 'you'? Don't you mean 'we'?"

"I swore an oath to sail east as far as possible and I shall do so," the mouse responded. "If the Dawn Treader returns then I shall continue eastwards in the coracle that we found."

Edmund looked at him doubtfully. "I say, I don't really think that Caspian would allow you to do that, you know Reep."

Reepicheep sighed. "I know I swore an oath of allegiance to my King," he said, "but my oath to Aslan must take precedence. I speak of this to you, King Edmund, as the one who stands by my King's side. It is possible he will see my desertion, if it becomes necessary, as a betrayal and he will need your support."

Edmund was speechless; gazing at Reepicheep with what he knew must be a look of horror.

"I don't think…" he spluttered. "What on earth…"

The mouse held up one small paw.

"Long ago you stood as High King Peter's most trusted councillor. I only ask that you do the same for my King."

Edmund took a deep breath and willed himself to be calm. Reepicheep's request was, after all, quite reasonable although Edmund wondered if the mouse was aware that the habit he had of calling Caspian 'my King' sounded more as if he owned Caspian rather than of being in service to him.

"Of course I will do what I can," he finally said.

Reepicheep clambered down from the bench and bowed low.

"Thankyou, Your Majesty," he said, and then he looked up at Edmund earnestly. "You can trust in my discretion, King Edmund."

Edmund gasped and his face flamed but the mouse was already gone before he could even think of anything to say.

* * *

The next day, at dawn, they sighted land on the horizon and all morning they drew closer. Edmund could see the relief in Caspian's eyes but he could only wish they had found the island a day earlier so that he could have been spared the embarrassment of the conversation with Reepicheep. He was not at all happy with the idea that yet another person seemed to know about he and Caspian and he certainly had not told Caspian of it. He had a feeling that Caspian would see it as a reason to give in to the inevitable and would start trying to embrace Edmund on deck again.

They landed in the middle of the afternoon to what seemed a completely deserted landscape. They soon found that the island was occupied even if it's inhabitants were invisible, and it was really beginning to seem to Edmund as if every island in this eastern sea was cursed with some sort of strange magic. First it was dragons, then some sort of amnesia inducing atmosphere, and now annoyingly talkative, invisible people who claimed to have been ' _uglified_ ' by a powerful magician. Once the immediate danger had passed Edmund had been rather amused by it all, until Lucy had agreed to go upstairs in the large house and try to use the magic book to reverse the spell that had made the people invisible. They had all tried to argue with her about it but she'd been adamant and in the end they'd all had to agree.

All through the odd supper that followed Edmund had worried about it and when he'd been shown to the room he was to sleep in he'd quickly undressed and got into the bed, wondering if he would get any sleep. The bed was large and very comfortable and normally he would have enjoyed the change from the bunk on the Dawn Treader, but it just felt strange to him. Eventually he realised that it was because Caspian wasn't there.

A couple of hours later, Edmund had finally given up on trying to sleep and was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, when the soft sound of the door latch broke the silence. Sitting up quickly, he saw that Caspian was already in the room, closing the door behind him.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Edmund whispered.

"I couldn't sleep," Caspian said softly, approaching the bed. "Don't worry, nobody saw me."

"Hmph, nobody visible you mean," Edmund muttered, watching as Caspian undressed and slid into the bed beside him. "What about the morning?"

Caspian's hand rested on Edmund's arm and Edmund heard him sigh.

"I'll leave before dawn," he said. "I wanted to see how you are. I know you must be worried about Lucy."

"Aren't you?" Edmund asked, letting Caspian draw him back onto the bed until he was lying in Caspian's arms, his head resting on Caspian's shoulder. He had to admit he felt better, and he sighed softly as Caspian's arms tightened around him.

"Of course I am," replied Caspian. "But I have a feeling everything will turn out all right."

"I wish I could be so confident," Edmund said. "I know Lu though, she won't give up. She wasn't called Queen Lucy the Valiant for nothing."

They lay for a while in silence. Caspian's hand was softly stroking Edmund's back, soothing and reassuring and Edmund finally felt his body and mind begin to relax. His eyes grew heavy. He felt Caspian's lips brush his forehead and smiled.

"Edmund," Caspian whispered.

"Hmm?"

"I was… worried… about you today." Caspian's voice had that tender note in it that Edmund had only heard a few times before and he opened his eyes and looked up at Caspian in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"When we went down to the beach to fight these invisible fools."

Edmund frowned. "You know I've fought before, Caspian," he said. "It's true that I might be a bit out of practice – there's not much opportunity for sword-work in England – but I'm fairly certain that I could have held my own."

"No, that's not what I meant," Caspian was smiling. "I meant that I was afraid that something might happen to you." Caspian's hand lifted to Edmund's face and a finger brushed along Edmund's lower lip. "And I know it's selfish but I'd rather hoped that you might have had the same feeling about me."

And, of course, Edmund immediately felt his face burn because the truth was there _had_ been a moment when he had looked over at Caspian as they marched to the beach and his heart had seemed to lurch in his chest, sickening and painfully. In his mind's eye he'd seen Caspian, sprawled on the ground, battered and bleeding, and he'd been afraid in a way that he'd never felt before. It had taken all of Edmund's strength to force the image aside and focus his mind on what they had to face.

For a moment, as he looked up at Caspian, the fear was with him again, and when Caspian's hand caressed his cheek he wondered if it showed on his face.

"I know this is all very new to you, Edmund," Caspian said, his voice low and quiet. "But you should know that you're not alone on that score. It seems that some of this is new to me as well. I didn't quite expect-" he broke off and leaning down, brushed his lips softly against Edmunds mouth, and when he raised his head his eyes gazed into Edmund's. A shiver passed through Edmund at the serious expression on Caspian's face and he wondered, nervously, at what Caspian had been about to say.

"I said I wouldn't push you," Caspian finally continued. "That's harder than I thought it would be because the difference is that now… I really want to."

Edmund shifted uncomfortably and frowned. Caspian's eyes were still staring into him as if searching for some sort of answer, and the problem was that while Edmund was fairly certain he understood what Caspian seemed to be saying, he wasn't entirely certain he fully understood how he himself felt about that.

He cleared his throat nervously.

"Um… I know you want…" he faltered and then took a deep breath. "I think I want…" Edmund took another deep breath and almost growled in frustration. Why, by Aslan's mane, couldn't he just say it? "I think I want to… but I don't think I can now, not while Lucy might be in danger. I'm… distracted."

Edmund had been quite proud of himself for actually managing to complete a sentence, especially as Caspian had been looking at him with an expression of complete confusion and bewilderment throughout the whole… ordeal. However, when Caspian's eyes suddenly filled with mirth and he threw his head back and actually laughed, Edmund stiffened in anger and humiliation and tried to pull away from Caspian's embrace.

"Oh, you _adorable_ …" he heard Caspian gasp, and he froze in shocked embarrassment.

"Let go of me, Caspian, and get out of my room," Edmund snarled, his face burning.

Caspian's head snapped up and before Edmund could even think of doing anything to stop him, Caspian had rolled them over, his body pressing Edmund's into the bed.

"No, no," Caspian was saying breathlessly into Edmund's ear. "It's my fault, it's _my_ fault, for being such a…" he laughed again, and Edmund squirmed angrily. " _Listen_ to me, Edmund."

"Why the hell should I?" Edmund wished that he sounded as angry as he had a moment before but his fury had faded into a feeling of bitter disappointment and he knew it was reflected in the hurt tone of his voice.

"Because I'm sorry," Caspian said. "I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at myself, because really how could I talk in such an idiotic way and expect you to understand me. And you were so…" he raised his head and looked down into Edmund's face, and there it was, Edmund thought resentfully, the lazy smile that never failed to steal his breath away. "Let's just say that I wish neither one of us wasn't so… distracted right now."

And it really was very annoying that Edmund couldn't remain angry with Caspian when his eyes glowed with such mischief.

"Forgive me?"

Edmund hesitated. "But if I didn't understand you, what were you talking about, Caspian?"

Caspian shifted and moved onto his side and an extraordinary thing happened - Caspian's face flushed, the heat staining his fair skin. Edmund's eyes widened in surprise.

"Ah, well," Caspian replied, his expression full of what Edmund could only describe as doubtful embarrassment. "Perhaps we should just forget about that."

Edmund frowned, and waited.

"No, right then," Caspian continued after a moment. "I was just trying to tell you that I care about you."

"You told me that before," Edmund replied, still frowning in puzzlement. "Why all the-" he broke off as Caspian pressed a finger over his lips.

"I really think it would be best," Caspian said firmly, "if, for the moment, we forgot that I've behaved rather foolishly this evening. Something tells me that it's quite likely that it will happen again sometime in the near future and I hope we'll both be in a better position to deal with it then. As it is, it's likely to be a long and stressful day tomorrow and perhaps we should try to get some sleep."

Edmund eyed Caspian doubtfully for a moment. He knew that Caspian was evading the question and he could also tell from the tone of Caspian's voice that he wasn't going to get any further explanations. He didn't really think it was that fair of Caspian but Edmund had to admit that he was feeling exhausted. His eyes felt heavy and dry and his head was beginning to ache. Finally, he nodded at Caspian and rolled over onto his side, sliding the nearest pillow under his head, sighing in pleasure at its cool softness. Caspian settled behind him and wound one arm around Edmund's waist, his hand resting gently on Edmund's stomach.

* * *

When Edmund awoke the next morning the space beside him was empty. Caspian had kept his promise and left before dawn but Edmund admitted, as he watched the sunlight filtering through the curtains at his window, that he was slightly disappointed to wake up alone.

He got up and washed quickly, the water was very cold and made him gasp but it was refreshing. After he had dressed Edmund wandered down the hall to the large dining room. Drinian and Lucy were already there and even though she looked her usual calm self, Edmund could tell that Lucy was anxious. He sat down beside her and took her hand, squeezing it in comfort and Lucy looked at him gratefully.

After breakfast, which was as messy and chaotic as the meal the evening before, they all went out into the wide hallway and stood at the bottom of the stairs. Edmund watched as Lucy climbed the stairway and when she finally disappeared from view he sighed deeply.

"I really do think it will be fine."

It was Caspian's voice, low and calm, and Edmund turned to find the King standing close beside him.

"I hope you're right," replied Edmund, hoping the doubt he was feeling didn't show on his face, but it must have, because Caspian stepped closer and his arm slipped around Edmund's waist.

Immediately, sheer panic ripped through Edmund and he shoved Caspian away, hard.

" _Don't_ ," he whispered fiercely.

An instant later, Edmund was already regretting it. He knew he'd overreacted in the most completely stupid way and he was ashamed but it was too late to soften it. Caspian's expression was one of stunned amazement and as Edmund watched, he saw the angry hurt flood into Caspian's eyes. Then Caspian leaned forward and his voice was a low, hard murmur in Edmund's ear.

"You know, I'm trying to be very patient Edmund, but I don't really enjoy feeling like I'm your dirty little secret."

Edmund gasped, the words cutting through him like a knife but before he could do or say anything, Caspian turned away and strode quickly out the door into the garden.

Edmund glanced around the hallway, his face burning with embarrassment, and was relieved to see that Drinian and Reep were nowhere to be seen. But Eustace was there, staring at Edmund in shocked disbelief.

"I say, Ed, that was harsh," Eustace finally broke the heavy silence. "He was only trying to help. You should go after him and apologise."

A spark of resentful anger shot through Edmund, he knew Eustace was right but that didn't make it easier to hear the disapproval in his voice.

"Mind your own business, Eustace," he muttered.

"Yes, maybe you're right and I should," Eustace replied angrily. "But this is you Edmund, I know you and you don't usually act like this, and I'm fairly certain that Caspian doesn't deserve it. So, what exactly is your problem?"

Edmund shrugged, unable to speak. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots. Eustace moved closer and rested a tentative hand on Edmund's arm.

"I know you don't want other people to know about you and Caspian, but are you so ashamed of it that you'd hurt him like that?"

"It's not like that. I'm not ashamed." Edmund stared at Eustace in dismay. Was that really how what had happened had looked? He thought of what Caspian had said before he'd walked out and his heart sank.

Eustace was standing silently beside him, his eyes searching Edmund's face doubtfully.

"Really, I'm not," Edmund said, as much to reassure himself than to reassure Eustace. "I'm just… scared." He sighed in annoyance, he'd been hoping he was over the worst of it, but he knew that his overreaction earlier had been purely instinctive, and it had been an instinct born out of fear. It was obvious now to Edmund that he'd have to find a solution to the problem because he really did not like the expression he'd seen in Caspian's eyes a few moments ago and he really did not want to be the cause of it again.

A shadow wavered on the floor next to them and Edmund looked up to see Caspian standing in the main doorway.

"Eustace, would you give me a moment with Edmund, please?"

Eustace cast a swift glance at Edmund, nodded, and quickly left.

As soon as they were alone, Edmund burst into speech.

"Caspian, I'm sorry. I really am. I know that you were only-"

"Edmund," Caspian interrupted, moving quickly to Edmund's side. Edmund looked up, relieved to see that Caspian's face was calm, the anger gone from his eyes.

"Edmund," Caspian repeated. "I said that I would give you all the time you needed to become comfortable with this and I'll hold to that. I'll be more careful in future and there'll be no reason for something like that to happen again. Now, don't worry about it."

Caspian smiled at him and Edmund nodded, returning the smile with a weak one of his own. He knew that Caspian had just let him off the hook but the knowledge gave him no sense of relief. He felt dreadful, sick to the stomach with shame and guilt and all he really wanted to do at that moment was put his arms around Caspian and apologise again and again and bother it if anyone came in and saw them, but Caspian was already moving away and a moment later he was gone.

Edmund sat down on the hall bench, glanced up at the stairway and hoped that Lucy was not having as disastrous a morning as he was.


	13. Chapter 13

It was another few hours before Edmund found out whether or not his hope about Lucy was true. Edmund had wandered around the house for a while until he'd eventually found Eustace and Reepicheep talking together in the dining room. He'd sat down to join them, thankful for the distraction from his own depressing thoughts, and when Eustace had grinned at him Edmund had returned the grin, gratefully if not completely heartfelt.

He had not seen Caspian again until lunchtime when the King had walked into the room with Drinian. Edmund had hardly been able to look at Caspian, he still felt so terrible about the whole awful incident of the morning, but when he did, Caspian seemed his usual self. There hadn't been much conversation over the meal; they'd all been worrying about the long passage of time since Lucy had climbed the stairs.

Edmund was just beginning to wonder what would happen if he climbed the stairs himself to search for his sister when they all heard a commotion outside and Lucy practically flew down the stairs and burst through the doorway. For a moment, Edmund's heart leapt in fear but she was smiling and laughing, and when she dashed out of the room again they all followed her out into the garden and were confronted with one of the strangest sights they had ever seen. Even Edmund found himself laughing at the Monopods.

After that, they'd sat down and Lucy had told them about what had happened, how she had seen Aslan and met the Magician, who she thought was really rather nice. Eventually they all went upstairs to meet him and had a wonderful meal of all their favourite things to eat, but as he sat beside Caspian at the large table and listened to the Magician talk, Edmund found that he was not enjoying himself.

His mind still worried over what had happened that day, dwelling on the hurt look in Caspian's eyes, and repeating the words that Caspian had said to him. Did Caspian really feel like Edmund's dirty little secret? Was that how Edmund was making him feel? If it was then Edmund didn't see how he could ever face Caspian alone again.

And it was all because of this stupid fear that he had of anyone finding out about them, which was made even more stupid by the fact that two people had found out and nothing terrible had happened from it. But still, it only seemed to be getting worse. If his reaction that morning had shown him anything, it was that he had to find some way to get rid of it before he hurt Caspian again.

Edmund stared at the table, watching Caspian's hand resting on the tablecloth and he knew what he had to do. The only way to get rid of the fear was to remove the cause, he knew that, but it wasn't an easy thing to do. His heart was hammering in his chest and he almost felt faint from it. He took a deep breath and glanced around the table, everyone was watching the Magician, listening to him talk.

Edmund closed his eyes for a moment and counted to ten, willing himself to calm down. When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he saw was Caspian's hand still resting on the table and without allowing himself any further thought, Edmund slid his own hand forward and rested it tentatively on top of Caspian's, slipping his fingers into Caspian's palm.

For a moment, Caspian's hand was very still under Edmund's and Edmund could sense the tension in the body sitting beside him. Then slowly Caspian's hand turned under Edmund's and his fingers threaded through Edmund's fingers until he was clasping Edmund's hand firmly. Edmund let out the breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding and turned his head to glance at Caspian.

Caspian met Edmund's eyes and his expression seemed guarded and cautious but when Edmund gave him a shy smile and squeezed Caspian's hand gently, the look lifted and Edmund was rewarded with the smile that never failed to increase his heart rate. It did so now and Edmund felt his hand tremble in Caspian's. The heat began to rise in Edmund's face and his mouth felt too dry and he quickly looked away, reaching for his glass of water with his free hand.

Edmund took a quick sip and then risked a look around the table. He met Eustace's eyes first, saw the approving smile on his face and when he felt strangely tempted to throw his glass of water in Eustace's face, Edmund decided he still hadn't forgiven Eustace for being right that morning. Next to Eustace was Drinian, and Edmund took a moment before he looked at the Captain's face but Drinian was watching Caspian, and his expression was the same quietly pleased look that he had whenever the weather was calm and fair.

Reepicheep was deep in conversation with the Magician, and it was on the other side of the old man that Edmund finally found Lucy, staring at their clasped hands with a look of complete astonishment. Edmund watched her breathlessly and waited, and finally her eyes rose and met his and then to his amazement she giggled loudly. Edmund felt his mouth drop open in shock and Lucy laughed again.

Suddenly it was very quiet in the room, the Magician broke off what he had been saying to Reepicheep and looked quickly around the table, smiling at them all.

"Yes, it is getting rather late," he said pleasantly, "and young Queen Lucy has had a busy day." He looked at Lucy in amusement and she had the grace to look ashamed of herself. "I suggest that we all retire for the evening. I hope you all sleep well."

Edmund was in a daze as they rose from the table and went down the stairs but not for one moment was he tempted to let go of Caspian's hand. Instead it seemed as if Caspian's firm grip was the only thing keeping him upright and walking. Lucy was in front of them and every now and then she turned her head and glanced at Edmund, her expression unreadable.

When they reached the hallway that led to their bedrooms, Caspian let go of Edmund's hand and leaned down to Edmund's ear.

"I'll be back in a moment," he whispered and disappeared in the opposite direction.

Edmund drifted towards his bedroom door where he found Lucy waiting, and took a deep, and what he hoped was a calming, breath.

"So, Edmund," Lucy said, gazing at him with wide eyes, "why on earth were you holding Caspian's hand?"

And really this was, in a way, worse than he had thought it would be because he really had no idea what to say to her.

"I mean, you might get boy germs," Lucy said, and then frowned. "Of course," she continued as if to herself, "you are a boy so you've already got them. But still, you should be more careful, Ed."

Edmund stared at her in confusion.

"Don't gape, Edmund, you look silly," said Lucy, her eyes now gazing over his shoulder and her voice rising. "I really think I'd better sleep in your room tonight. I think you need a chaperone."

" _Lucy_ ," Edmund finally found his voice in a gasp of shocked disbelief but before he could say anything more he felt movement behind him and a firm hand came to rest on his waist.

"Queen Lucy," Caspian said, "if you do not stop teasing your brother in this unseemly fashion I shall take you outside and put your head under the water pump."

"Oh well," Lucy shrugged and Edmund saw that she was actually pouting. Then she looked up at him and smiled. "Honestly, Ed, you're such an idiot sometimes. I'm sorry I laughed at you upstairs but you were looking at me with such a look of sheer terror on your face that I couldn't help it. Did you really think I wouldn't be happy for you, my dear stupid brother?" Suddenly she yawned. "I'm jolly tired you know. Good night."

And with a wave of her hand she was gone. Edmund took a step to follow her but instead found himself being pulled through his bedroom door by Caspian.

"I'm going to kill her," Edmund told him seriously.

"No, you're not," Caspian replied, laughing. "I don't think it would be wise to antagonise her in any way. I had no idea she could be such a devil."

"Hmph," Edmund muttered. He wasn't sure what he thought of Lucy's reaction yet but Caspian had stopped laughing and was looking at Edmund with an intent expression that was making it hard for Edmund to think.

"I know that was hard for you, Edmund," Caspian said quietly. "You don't regret it, do you?"

Even though there were still some things that he wasn't sure of, Edmund thought, that was one thing that he was certain about and he shook his head firmly.

"No," he said, rather breathlessly. "I only regret that I hurt you this morning."

Then Caspian stepped forward and taking Edmund's hand he raised it to his lips, his eyes never leaving Edmund's. Edmund felt the press of Caspian's lips and gave a small gasp, taken aback by Caspian's strangely formal action. He shifted nervously and Caspian smiled. For a moment, Edmund thought that Caspian would say something but then the King gave a small shake of his head and dropped Edmund's hand.

"So… uh… where did you disappear to anyway?" Edmund asked, anxious to end the silence that seemed too heavy.

Caspian grinned and Edmund took a quick breath of relief.

"I went to the kitchens to get this," Caspian said, holding up a small jar of oil.

"Oh," Edmund breathed, feeling the heat immediately flood his cheeks. He closed his eyes for a moment wishing rather desperately, and not for the first time, that one day his tendency to blush over everything would disappear. When he opened his eyes Caspian was holding out a hand to him.

"Come here, Edmund," Caspian said softly, and Edmund went, sliding his arms around Caspian's waist and lifting his face to meet Caspian's soft kiss.

The kiss did not stay soft for long. In a very short time it was deep and messy and Edmund had lost himself in it completely. It wasn't until he felt the pressure on the back of his legs that he realised that Caspian had been moving them slowly towards the bed. Edmund sank down onto it as Caspian tugged Edmund's tunic over his head and then quickly removed his own. Edmund ran a caressing hand over Caspian's muscled stomach and when he followed it with his lips he heard Caspian groan above him.

The sound did something to Edmund, made the desire burn in his body hot and hard, and he mouthed Caspian's hip hungrily as he tugged Caspian's hose down to his knees. When Caspian's erection sprang free, Edmund took it deep into his mouth and hummed with pleasure.

Caspian groaned again and his hands were in Edmund's hair running his fingers along Edmund's scalp as he thrust slowly into Edmund's mouth.

Edmund ran his tongue along Caspian's shaft and listened to the King's gasps of pleasure with growing excitement. He could feel his own hardness, a heavy weight between his legs, and moaned softly against Caspian's stomach, reaching down to touch himself but before he could a strong hand gripped his wrist and he was pushed firmly back onto the bed. Caspian pressed him heavily into the mattress and then took Edmund's lips in a hard, quick kiss.

"I can't get enough of your beautiful mouth," Caspian whispered into his ear as Edmund tried to push himself against the thigh pressing between his legs.

Edmund's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

Caspian's head lifted and his eyes met Edmunds.

"You heard me, and yes I said beautiful," he said. "I've told you before that you're attractive but I don't think you have any idea of how completely stunning you really are." He smiled lazily as Edmund squirmed in embarrassment. "You're particularly lovely when you're underneath me like this, with your legs spread around me, and even more so when you… ah, there you go."

And, of course, Edmund's face was flaming with heat. He glared at Caspian resentfully but before he could say anything Caspian's lips were back on his, demanding and possessive, and Edmund melted, just as he always did when Caspian kissed him like this. His body relaxed and he sighed into Caspian's mouth, feeling the waves of heat beginning to build.

The kiss seemed to last for a long time, constantly changing, sometimes slow and heavy, sometimes gentle and tender and sometimes hard with passion, until Edmund felt as if his entire focus was the feeling of Caspian's mouth against his, addictive and compelling.

Finally Caspian moved away and Edmund closed his eyes for a moment as he felt his hose being removed. He felt Caspian settle on the bed beside him and reached for him, running his hand slowly along Caspian's chest and watching the muscles move under his fingers. Caspian leaned over him, his hand gently cupping the back of Edmund's neck and brushed his lips slowly over Edmunds, and Edmund gasped against them when he felt Caspian's oiled hand stroke his hard shaft.

The warm slickness of Caspian's hand felt incredible and after only a few light strokes Edmund was panting against Caspian's throat, ready to beg Caspian to tighten his grip and bring him release. The words were just forming in Edmund's mind when Caspian's hand moved, sliding over his erection and down further to press against the entrance to Edmund's body. This different type of pleasure was now just as welcome to Edmund as the other and he spread his legs wide, just as Caspian's finger pushed inside him.

Edmund's head arched back as Caspian quickly pressed in a second finger. Usually Caspian gave him more time to adjust to this but Caspian's hand was well oiled and the slight burn passed quickly, leaving Edmund trembling with desire and need.

"Do you want to go any further?"

Caspian's voice was heavy with tension and Edmund glanced up at him and saw that the eyes that were watching Edmund's face were dark with some emotion that made Edmund shiver. A wave of heat seemed to ripple through Edmund's stomach, suddenly making him feel too hot. He struggled to take a deep breath and wondered if this intense feeling was lust. If it was it felt good, he decided, and he wanted more, he wanted to feel everything.

"Yes," he said softly.

Caspian smiled, his fingers moving deeply inside Edmund, thrusting slowly, and Edmund's head arched back again as a guttural groan escaped his lips. He felt Caspian's teeth scrape along his throat, biting gently, heard him whisper something but couldn't make out the words. He looked up, curious, but Caspian was already moving away to kneel between Edmund's thighs.

Edmund watched as Caspian poured more oil into his hand and used it to coat the erection that looked far larger than his fingers. He bit his lip but Edmund couldn't stop the small anxious sound that escaped from him and Caspian looked up at him quickly, his blue eyes questioning.

"I'm fine," Edmund whispered, because really he knew that he was. "Just…"

Caspian ran a soothing hand along Edmund's thigh and nodded.

"I know, I'll go slowly," he said, as his hand reached for Edmund's flagging shaft and began to stroke it gently. He moved forward and Edmund felt the blunt pressure at his entrance and gasped. He willed himself to relax as Caspian pressed slowly forward again until Edmund's thighs were resting over Caspian's.

For a moment they were both still as Edmund struggled for breath. Caspian felt huge inside him, the pressure a harsh burn that made it difficult not to push Caspian away. At the same time, something about having Caspian over him and inside him like this made Edmund want to pull him even closer. He closed his eyes, trying to sort out the jumble of thoughts in his head.

But then Caspian finally moved, a small thrust of his hips, and all of Edmund's confused thoughts were lost as the burn eased and a tendril of dark pleasure unwound somewhere deep inside him, making his body feel hot and heavy.

"Oh," he breathed, as Caspian thrust again, this time slightly deeper.

"Open your eyes, Edmund," Caspian whispered. "Look at me and tell me if it's good."

Another deeper thrust had Edmund's head arching back onto the pillow and his hands twisting in the sheets.

"Edmund, tell me you like it," Caspian whispered again, and Edmund felt Caspian's fingers pressing into his hips, gripping him tightly as he began to thrust more steadily.

Edmund opened his eyes and as he met Caspian's gaze it seemed as if some restraint inside him broke away, and he reached up and pulled Caspian down, winding his arms around the King's neck and revelling in the weight of his body against Edmund's own.

"Yes, oh god it's so good, you feel so very, very good," Edmund knew he was babbling wildly but he just couldn't seem to stop. "It really is… I don't believe… oh god, kiss me-"

Thankfully Caspian's lips immediately took his in a slow, deep kiss that seemed to match his thrusts into Edmund's body. Edmund moaned into it, his legs locking around the back of Caspian's thighs and his hands sliding down to grip Caspian's hips. Dimly, he wondered if he should be embarrassed about his completely abandoned reaction to what they were doing but a stronger part of him just wanted…

"…more," he panted as he broke away from Caspian's lips. "Please… harder."

Caspian groaned against Edmund's throat. "Edmund… I'm trying to be gentle…"

Edmund shook his head, his fingers digging into Caspian's hips as he tried to pull him closer.

"No, I don't care…" Edmund shook his head again searching for the way to tell Caspian what he wanted. His mind flew to the memory of the Knight's bawdy tale so long ago; the language he'd used had seemed so shocking then, but now…

"Just… do it the way we both want it," he took a deep breath, "just fuck me."

Caspian stilled above him and Edmund wondered, with a sinking heart, if he'd gone too far, but then he felt Caspian's hands slide up under his back to grip his shoulders tightly and the sharp scrape of teeth along his throat. A moment later Caspian thrust into him again, a hard, forceful thrust that stole Edmund's breath away.

"Say it again." The words were a hot whisper into Edmund's ear, followed by an even hotter tongue.

"Fuck me," Edmund said breathlessly and closed his eyes, waiting.

Caspian pushed into him, so deep that Edmund's toes curled from the sparks of bliss that swept through his body. As the thrusts continued, Edmund dazedly wondered how it could feel so good. He was moaning now, with every movement that Caspian made.

"Say it," Caspian's voice sounded rough and breathless. "Tell me how you want it."

Edmund's stomach flipped in excitement at the desire and need he could plainly hear in Caspian's voice.

"Oh god," he moaned as a wave of heat flooded through him. "Fuck me. Harder. Deeper."

"Oh yes." The words were followed by a possessive kiss that Edmund melted into in a daze. He could feel Caspian's hands grasping his shoulders, bracing Edmund's body into every strong thrust that Caspian now made. The heat and pleasure were building but still Edmund wanted more and he moaned into Caspian's mouth, his hands clenching on Caspian's back.

Suddenly Caspian's mouth broke away from Edmund's and he lifted himself onto his elbows.

"Reach between us," he said and Edmund opened his eyes and frowned in confusion.

"Stroke yourself," he added, and the note of command in his voice made Edmund's stomach lurch with excitement again. He reached down and the first pull of his hand on his erection made his eyes roll back into his head as a jolt of sheer ecstasy seemed to go through his body.

"Oh yes, that feels good, doesn't it, love," Caspian said, his voice full of tension and something else that Edmund couldn't decipher. "And it's going to get even better."

Edmund couldn't find the strength to speak, not even to tell Caspian that he was right, that every stroke of Edmund's hand matched to Caspian's powerful thrusts was building the pleasure until he felt like he was spiralling out of control. He wanted it to never end, at the same time he felt that he couldn't take much more, and it was with a blissful but odd mixture of relief and regret that Edmund was swept into the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced.

It was the sharp pressure of Caspian's teeth at the juncture of his neck and shoulder that brought Edmund back to himself a few moments later and he realised that Caspian was still pushing hard into him, his thrusts now erratic.

His body felt heavy with contentment and he moaned softly as Caspian's last few slow, deep thrusts sent aftershocks of bliss throughout his body. Then Caspian was still, his body pressing down on Edmund's, and Edmund could feel him gasping for breath against Edmund's throat. He ran his hands slowly down the smooth skin of Caspian's back and then to his own utter surprise he yawned widely.

He felt as well as heard Caspian's muffled laugh and wriggled in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he murmured, struggling to keep his eyes open.

Caspian laughed again and then shifted gently away from Edmund but even so the slight sting as his shaft pulled free from Edmund's body made Edmund gasp.

"I'll let you pass out this time," Caspian said, and he sounded amused. "After all, you didn't get that much sleep last night…"

The low murmur in his ear continued but Edmund was too tired to concentrate on it and a moment later he was fast asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

It was still dark when Edmund woke suddenly and completely out of such a deep sleep that for a moment he did not know where he was. Expecting the tight confines of the bunk he was confused not to feel Caspian's body pressed up against his and he rolled over, his arms searching for the King, and found nothing but an empty space.

"Caspian?" Edmund sat up, staring at the bed in confusion.

"Over here."

Caspian's voice came from behind him and Edmund turned his head to see that Caspian was leaning against the wall, looking out the window, his naked body bathed in the strong moonlight.

"What are you doing?"

"It's a full moon," said Caspian. "It's the brightest moon I've ever seen, and some of the stars look different. We're getting very far east now."

"Drinian was saying something like that about the stars the other day," replied Edmund, suppressing a yawn. "But why aren't you sleeping? You must be tired too."

"I was thinking."

It was a short reply and something in the tone of Caspian's voice made Edmund's heart sink. He thought back over what they had done that night. He had to admit that he'd behaved in a way that he'd never thought he would and that he'd enjoyed every moment as he'd never thought he could – the satisfaction he'd felt was still affecting him, making his body heavy and relaxed – but perhaps it had not been what Caspian had expected or wanted.

"Oh," Edmund said finally. He heard the forlorn note in his voice and winced, hoping that Caspian would not hear it as well.

It seemed that Caspian had though, because he straightened up and came over to sit on the bed facing Edmund. Leaning down he brushed a soft kiss over Edmund's mouth and then quickly lit the candle on the table beside the bed. Edmund blinked as his eyes adjusted to the flickering light.

"I don't want you to misunderstand me," said Caspian softly. "Tonight was… incredible. You just keep surprising me Edmund, in ways that make me-" he broke off and grinned. "Although more surprises like that one might give me a heart attack. In a good way."

Edmund smiled at Caspian tentatively. His words had relieved Edmund of the niggling doubt he'd been feeling about what they'd done but he could see that Caspian was still tense.

"Something's bothering you though," he said.

"In a way," replied Caspian, with a slight nod of his head. "You see, I'm going to have to talk to you about the way I'm feeling because even though you might not be ready, I don't think I can really continue this without being honest with you. It wouldn't really be fair to either of us."

A moment of sheer panic ripped through Edmund and then settled into rough anxiety. Was it possible that after Edmund had finally openly acknowledged their relationship Caspian was going to say it was all over? And while a couple of months ago he might have just put up with it, Edmund thought angrily, that wasn't going to happen now. He'd changed, Caspian had helped with that, and Caspian was going to have to live with it.

Edmund sat up quickly, leant back against the bed head, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, yes, why don't you just say whatever you've got to say, Caspian," he said. "I assure you, I'm _quite_ ready."

Caspian was staring at him with a surprised look on his face.

"Why are you…?" he began and then frowned. "I really am an idiot," he finally continued, and Edmund blinked in surprise but didn't disagree.

"Look, I'm sorry, Edmund. I'm making rather a mess of this and it's because this is something I'm not very experienced with." Caspian took a deep breath, heavy with frustration and shook his head. "I've never done this before."

Edmund knew the disbelief he was feeling must be clearly apparent on his face because he knew of at least half a dozen lovers that Caspian had himself told Edmund about, and he'd suspected that there were more and he couldn't for the life of him think why Caspian would suddenly start trying to lie about that.

"Honestly, Caspian…" he began and then broke off when Caspian clapped a hand over his mouth. He glared indignantly over Caspian's fingers but Caspian's only reaction was to tighten his hold and grin.

"Well, this is certainly not how I imagined this going," he said. "But I think it's going to be better if you just don't speak for a while. It might be even better if I didn't, but I'm thinking that's not really an option anymore. If I take my hand away will you just listen?"

Edmund nodded slowly. He was actually starting to worry a little about Caspian's state of mind because he was not acting like his usually confident self at all.

Caspian removed his hand and they both took a deep breath and when Caspian grinned again, Edmund found himself returning it with a smile of his own.

"You know that I've had lovers," said Caspian, his face becoming serious. "Some of them I've had more feelings for than others but I know that I've never been in love with any of them and the reason I know that is because it's never felt like it does now. I know you're young, but you have a unique maturity, so I feel like I should tell you this even when perhaps it's too soon. I could say that I love you, Edmund, but it feels more like every day I'm falling in love with you and that quite probably I shall continue to do that for the rest of my life."

And it was a very good thing, Edmund thought, that at this point Caspian leaned forward and pressed his lips to Edmund's in a deep and hungry kiss because Edmund really had no clear idea of what to do, say or think next. It was simply so much easier to lose himself in the sensation of Caspian's mouth against his, of Caspian's hands sweeping up Edmund's arms to hold his face as the kiss deepened even further. This sort of response was so familiar and easy, to open his lips to Caspian, to slide his arms around Caspian's waist, to moan his approval when Caspian's tongue slid along his.

Then, when Caspian whispered in his ear, "I want you again," it was surprisingly easy to reach for the bottle of oil and hand it to him and then rise to his hands and knees when Caspian pulled him around on the bed. The slide of Caspian's erection inside him was simple and perfect, and when Caspian pulled him upright to sit on Caspian's thighs it was deep and perfect. Caspian's hands sliding along his chest and stomach, and Caspian's mouth sliding along his throat made it so easy for him to moan Caspian's name even when he wasn't sure he could remember his own. The release that came with Caspian's hand, hot and slick, stroking his shaft, was easily accepted as a simple and intense gift of pleasure, a pleasure that was easily returned when Caspian's last few, hard thrusts pushed them forward to collapse on the bed.

It was a few moments later that Caspian rolled them to their sides, his arm still wrapped around Edmund's waist.

"This bed's a bit of a mess," he murmured into Edmund's shoulder. "But I'm too tired now to care."

Edmund mumbled his agreement.

"Edmund?" Caspian's voice was tentative and Edmund fought to keep his body relaxed. Deep down he knew he'd have to respond to what Caspian had told him eventually, but his mind still shied away from it, not yet ready to think about his own feelings.

"Edmund, there's something else you should know."

"What?" Edmund whispered.

"Well, in the morning, you might want to be careful about the way you get out of bed."

Edmund frowned. "Why?"

"Well, we got a bit out of hand and you're not used to that yet," Caspian answered, the amusement clear in his voice. "You might be a bit tender, and I thought I'd better warn you."

And it was remarkably easy, Edmund found, to hit Caspian over the head with his pillow.

* * *

The next time Edmund woke up, pale dawn light was struggling through the window and Caspian was sprawled out in deep sleep beside him. Edmund stretched luxuriously, feeling languid and content and then mindful of the warning Caspian had given him he sat up gingerly and moved to the side of the bed.

The movement caused a couple of twinges of discomfort more than actual pain and Edmund breathed a sigh of relief. He suspected that he and Caspian were going to be the focus of attention for the next couple of days anyway and he really hadn't wanted to add the inability to walk properly to the situation. That would be more embarrassment than he could handle.

He poured himself a glass of water, drank it thirstily, and then wandered over to the window to watch for the sunrise. The freshness of the morning made the whole night seem dream-like and surreal. Had it all really happened? Had Caspian really said the things that he'd said?

It had been a shock to hear Caspian speak like that and the surprise had been amplified by Caspian's obvious nervousness beforehand. And Edmund couldn't deny that through the daze he'd felt afterwards there had also been the thrill of knowing that he, Edmund, had affected Caspian in that way.

Suddenly, a warm body pressed up against Edmund's back and Caspian's arms slid around his waist and Edmund nearly jumped out of his skin and only just managed to suppress the undignified squawk of fright that rose in his throat.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," Caspian murmured against Edmund's throat.

"Yes, you did," Edmund corrected him.

Caspian laughed softly and they both stood in silence as the sun rose over the horizon and light flooded into the room, warm and bright.

"You're not pressing me to respond to what you said last night," Edmund finally said. He'd been wondering about that, he knew that Caspian was patient but he also knew that Caspian would have to be anxious about what Edmund would say about it.

"No," Caspian answered. "I know you well enough to know how cautious you are, Edmund, and that you like to think something through before you talk about it - just as I did. It's your turn to think now, love."

Edmund felt his face heat in response to the endearment that Caspian had seemed to make unconsciously, but the King's answer was reassuring. So much seemed to have happened between them in the last couple of days, so much had changed, that Edmund knew he needed time to get it all straight in his head before he could say how he felt.

"Thanks," he said.

"Hmmm, you're welcome," Caspian murmured against Edmund's ear. "Are you in any pain?"

Edmund managed to stop himself from squirming in embarrassment but his face flushed again.

"Not really."

"Good." Caspian's lips brushed Edmund's throat and Edmund shivered.

"We should probably get dressed," Edmund said as Caspian's arms tightened around him.

"And why should we do that?" Caspian asked, his teeth nipping the skin behind Edmund's ear.

Edmund could not suppress a grin as a loud thumping noise echoed along the path outside their window.

"Because," he said, " we are standing naked in front of an open ground-floor window in a household that is waking up."

"Good point," Caspian said, raising his head from his exploration of Edmund's jaw.

"I mean do _you_ want to explain to one of the Dufflepuds what exactly we're doing here? Because I don't."

"No, no, I really don't."

"Of course, if you _really_ want to stay here, I'd be quite curious to hear what you come up with. Unfortunately I'd probably get to hear it a thousand times while it's repeated to everyone on this island. But, it's up to you."

"Edmund," said Caspian, dropping his arms from around Edmund's waist and turning to search the room for his clothing. "If you don't stop talking and get dressed, I shall push you out the window and you can explain _that_ to the Dufflepuds."

Edmund's laugh turned into a startled yelp as Caspian threw his tunic at his head.

They washed and got dressed quickly and met the others in the dining room for breakfast. Edmund avoided Lucy's amused look and concentrated on the delicious food that the Magician provided. The rest of the morning was spent stowing supplies onto the Dawn Treader and then shortly after lunch, and after exchanging fond farewells with the Magician, and even the Dufflepuds, the Dawn Treader finally sailed away towards the eastern horizon again.

* * *

Throughout the afternoon, as they settled back into ship-life, Edmund noticed a few curious looks cast in his direction and he knew that the news of his relationship with Caspian was starting to spread through the ship. It was hard not to meet those looks with an embarrassed flush and eventually he wandered over to the deck railing and leaned over to watch the foamy sea below. Deep down, he knew he was waiting for Lucy to find him, that eventually she would get over her amused teasing and that her usual generous concern for others would make her want to ask him a lot of serious and probably uncomfortable questions.

He didn't have to wait for long.

"Edmund," Lucy's quiet voice came from behind him and she settled next to him, leaning on the railing.

"Lucy," he acknowledged.

"How long have you and Caspian been together?"

Edmund smiled to himself, Lucy had always been direct and it seemed that she would never change in that respect.

"For a while," he answered.

"Hmph," she snorted and he knew she wouldn't give up. "Is that why you were both so strange on Dragon Island?"

Edmund sighed. In the end, he decided, it would just be easier to answer her questions as clearly as possible.

"Yes, it was sort of starting then."

"It's been that long," said Lucy. "I really had no idea but Eustace told me that he knew. I suppose that's why he moved out of the cabin." She didn't sound resentful but Edmund could imagine just how she had questioned Eustace and smiled again. Poor Eustace.

"You've never done anything like this before," she continued. "Not in England, and not in Narnia. Is Caspian so special?"

Edmund glanced down at her and found that she was watching him expectantly.

"What do you think?" He'd avoided answering her, and he knew she knew it when she grinned at him.

"I think that when we first came here, you shouldn't have suggested that _I'd_ be the one to go all funny about him."

And she had him there, Edmund had to admit, as he felt his face flame and Lucy laughed.

"He is special though, isn't he?" Her face was serious again and she was watching him carefully.

"You're worried about it, aren't you Lu?" Edmund again avoided her question but with what he felt was an important question of his own, because he could see that she _was_ worried.

"A little," she replied and her voice had the same grave tone that he could remember it having when they had discussed something important as the rulers of Narnia. "This is a little different from the sort of thing that Peter, or Susan, used to do when we were in Narnia before. Peter knew his duty to Narnia, Edmund, and as the King, Caspian has the same duty. I want to see you happy but I don't want to see you caught in the middle of something that could hurt you."

Edmund nodded, not yet able to speak, she had surprised him so completely. It was easy, when she was the youngest, to forget just how wise Lucy could be, and she was so caught up in her own world of Aslan that it was also easy to forget that sometimes her vision of what was happening around her was clearer than anyone else's.

"This is important for Narnia, Edmund," continued Lucy. "You know her history, you know what happens in Narnia when there isn't a stable line of Aslan's Kings. We restored Caspian as the rightful King in order to ensure that line and we can't jeopardise that now, but of course I know that you understand this. My concern now is for you. We don't know how long Aslan will allow us to stay here, but if you remain with Caspian, is he special enough that you can stand behind him, in the shadows, while another stands by his side?"

Edmund's heart was hammering in his chest for in one sentence Lucy had managed to voice all of his unspoken fears. How long did he really have with Caspian? And what would happen if they were allowed to stay. And, of course, underneath all of that, what exactly did he feel for Caspian. He knew that the breathlessness he felt when he looked in Caspian's eyes, the way his skin burned when Caspian touched him, was desire. But what about the way they could sit for hours and talk about anything, the way his heart warmed when Caspian laughed, the fear and despair he'd felt when he'd imagined Caspian in danger of injury or worse.

"You're asking me if I love him," Edmund finally said.

"Yes," said Lucy.

"And you're also telling me that I will have to love Narnia more."

"In the end, you're both Kings of Narnia, so in the end you'll have to. But you know that, Edmund. And it doesn't mean that you can't love each other, but to take the risk, you'll need to be sure."

She was right of course, Edmund knew that, and in the end there was really only one answer, and it was surprisingly easy. He only had to imagine Caspian's face in his mind to know it.

"I'm sure," said Edmund. "He's really that special."


	15. Chapter 15

Edmund stood, deep in thought, at the deck railing for a long time after Lucy had squeezed his arm and then wandered off. In a way he'd been surprised at how easy it had been to admit to her, and himself, his feelings about Caspian. But the admission that he loved Caspian had seemed to bring with it a whole new set of thoughts.

All the different possibilities of the future now stretched before him because, for the first time since they had joined the Dawn Treader, Edmund had lost the feeling he'd had that he would not see Narnia again. He could see it clearly now, the long return journey through the islands they had already seen, the triumphant arrival at Cair Paravel and the celebrations that would follow. He could see himself in the King's bedchamber, lying in Caspian's arms as the sounds of the sea drifted in through the window. And there he also was, in the great hall, watching Caspian on the throne, with another throne empty beside him, until the years passed and that other throne (so like the one Edmund had once sat upon) wasn't empty anymore.

He felt movement beside him and didn't need to look to know that it was Caspian.

"I saw you talking with Lucy," said Caspian quietly. "Did she give you a hard time?"

"In a way," replied Edmund. "Basically she wanted to know if I'm in love with you."

"Oh," said Caspian, and then he cleared his throat. "Actually I wouldn't mind knowing the answer to that question myself."

And of course, Edmund felt his face heat and, just to make it even harder to speak, his heart started hammering in his chest.

"Yes," he finally managed to say, rather breathlessly.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence and then Caspian cleared his throat again.

"Did you actually mean…?"

"Yes, I meant… I am," said Edmund, tempted to roll his eyes, because really of all the times for Caspian to be so dense… but suddenly Caspian's arms were around his waist and Caspian's lips were hard on his and Edmund was too busy melting to bother anymore with thinking.

A loud crash and a stifled curse brought Edmund back to his senses and he pulled away from Caspian to find that a rather large wooden bucket was rolling along the deck towards his feet. After managing a swift kick to stop it from rolling into the sea, Edmund looked up to see Rynelf standing nearby looking towards them with an expression of such utter shock and astonishment, his mouth hanging wide open, that Edmund had a difficult time suppressing a snort of laughter.

Caspian, however, did laugh and the sound broke the spell that Rynelf had seemed to be under. He blushed bright scarlet (Edmund winced in sympathy) and darted forward to pick up the bucket.

"Beg pardon, your Majesties," he mumbled, bowed low, and hurriedly strode away along the deck but Edmund saw him shoot a quick grin at them over his shoulder.

"Hmmm," Caspian murmured thoughtfully. "The gossip isn't as quick to get around on this ship as I thought."

Edmund laughed and then marvelled that today he could feel so comfortable with something that only the previous morning had held such fear for him and when Caspian looked down at him, his eyes full of fond amusement, Edmund's heart swelled with relief that the memory of yesterday's hurt look in Caspian's eyes was finally fading.

"I imagine it's about to speed up," he said with a wry smile.

"We could make it speed up even more," and the look that Caspian directed at Edmund made him shiver.

Edmund took a quick step back and shook his head.

"No, no, there will be no ravishing on deck," he said, grinning.

Caspian had followed him, and his arm slipped around Edmund's waist as his lips brushed against Edmund's ear.

"In private then."

"That would be better," Edmund agreed, and then he grinned again. "But you know," he whispered against the smooth skin of Caspian's throat. "I'm very hungry… and it's almost suppertime."

He felt the tremble in Caspian's body and knew it to be laughter, which was confirmed when Caspian lifted his head and looked down at Edmund.

"The old texts never mentioned that you were such a tease, King Edmund."

"I wasn't," Edmund told him seriously. "It seems to be an unfortunate side-effect of associating with you."

"Oh, not so unfortunate," said Caspian, taking Edmund's hand and pulling him gently along the deck. "I rather like it, but that does mean that you're going to have to miss supper."

As soon as they entered the cabin, Caspian turned and pressed Edmund up against the door, reaching around him to lock it. Then his hands settled on Edmund's hips and slid around to rest on Edmund's bottom. Edmund gasped as he felt himself being lifted and he quickly swung his legs around Caspian's waist and wound his arms around Caspian's neck.

"So, may I ravish you here then?" Caspian's voice sounded rough and it made Edmund's breath catch in his throat.

"I… I suppose that would be alright," replied Edmund, striving to sound nonchalant but instead sounding merely shy. He blushed as he felt the puff of Caspian's laughter against his cheek but, thankfully, it was quickly followed by Caspian's lips sliding onto his in a heated kiss.

Caspian's body moved against his and Edmund moaned into Caspian's mouth when he felt their groins press together. He tightened his legs around Caspian's hips and gently nipped Caspian's bottom lip.

"Hmm, let's take this somewhere more comfortable," said Caspian, and still holding Edmund he turned and promptly strode into the hammock that was still strung across the cabin.

Edmund knew a moment of sheer panic as he felt himself falling out of Caspian's arms and he flung an arm around Caspian's neck and held on for dear life. The next moment they had both crashed to the floor, completely entangled in the hammock. Caspian, who had landed on Edmund, sat up quickly and rested a hand on Edmund's chest.

"Hell," he swore. "Are you alright?"

Edmund gulped, struggling for breath and looked up at Caspian, who was looking slightly dazed and had the end of the hammock draped over his head.

"Yes, I'm fine, you idiot," Edmund finally managed, still gasping.

"Sorry," said Caspian, looking sheepish and trying to get his foot out of the hammock. "I forgot it was there."

Edmund felt his lips twitch and he couldn't hold back any longer. He gave a snort and his peals of laughter echoed around the room.

Caspian looked at him reproachfully.

"You know," he said, "we should have taken this thing down. We haven't been using it."

"Well, it's certainly down now," spluttered Edmund and Caspian laughed.

Then, while Edmund struggled to regain his control, Caspian sighed.

"Well, that certainly killed the mood."

"Oh, I don't know," said Edmund, still giggling. "That hammock looks good on you."

"It's not so bad on you either." Caspian was smiling lazily at Edmund and the laughter died in Edmund's throat as his stomach fluttered and the slow burn of desire grew again. He swallowed heavily and Caspian reached forward, gripped the front of Edmund's tunic and pulled him up into Caspian's arms.

"Let's try this again, shall we?" Caspian murmured, and got to his feet, tugging Edmund up and pushing him towards the bunk, leaving the wreckage of the hammock on the floor behind them.

"Maybe it would be safer to go and have supper instead," replied Edmund.

"Perhaps it would be," Caspian said as he tugged at Edmund's hose. "But not half so satisfying. It's not food I'm hungry for," he added, leering at Edmund.

Edmund snorted with laughter. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Enough talking, King Edmund," Caspian's voice was rough again and he pressed his lips hard against Edmund's. Edmund parted his lips eagerly, drinking in Caspian's passion and feeling his own desire building swiftly. Caspian's body was pressing him down and Edmund moaned when he felt Caspian's oiled fingers pushing into him.

Edmund ran his hands down Caspian's back and realised with a small start of surprise that they were both still wearing their tunics and that Caspian had only removed their hose. A moment later he felt the burning pressure of Caspian entering him, the movement slow but steady and Edmund gasped into Caspian's mouth and his hands clenched in Caspian's tunic as his legs wrapped around Caspian's hips.

Then Caspian's lips pulled away from his and brushed against Edmund's ear.

"I knew you'd love this. Some men don't, but I just knew that you would," he whispered. "And you do love it, don't you?"

Edmund felt his face burn at the question. Caspian was looking down at him, smiling but the heat in his eyes made Edmund tremble. He pressed his face into Caspian's throat and finally nodded.

"So shy today," said Caspian, his voice low and amused. "Do you know what you did to me last night, Edmund, when you lost control and I heard such dirty language coming out of your beautiful mouth? But I like you like this too."

The words sent a shiver through Edmund's body but Caspian's body was still not moving, much to Edmund's frustration. His hands slid down to Caspian's hips but suddenly his wrists were gripped firmly and pushed down to the bed beside his head.

"Tell me what you want," Caspian whispered into his ear.

Edmund's eyes closed as the trembling need built in his body. His face was still burning but he knew that Caspian would not move until he got what he wanted and while a part of him wanted to see if he could break Caspian's resolve a larger part wanted to give in. Still, it seemed much harder to say the words now than it had been in the heat of the moment last night and Edmund could feel the nerves rising in his stomach. He struggled to take a deep breath.

"Fuck me," he whispered, feeling the blush on his face spread down to his chest.

"Hmm... and how do you want me to fuck you this time, Edmund?" Caspian murmured.

Finally it was too much for Edmund and he groaned in frustration.

"Either do something or let me go," he said irritably, and his eyes shot open and he glared at Caspian resentfully when he heard his low laugh.

"But I want to know."

Edmund flexed his hands where they lay against the bed on either side of his head, more in irritation than any real hope that he could free them, but when he felt Caspian's fingers tighten around his wrists, his weight pressing Edmund's hands hard into the mattress, the irritation faded and a dark wave of desire rippled through his stomach. Edmund's eyes widened with surprise at his own reaction and he saw the realisation of it dawn on Caspian's face.

"You like that too," Caspian murmured gently. "So, I could do it hard and fast again, or I could do it like this," and finally… finally… his hips began to move against Edmund's. "Slow… and deep… holding you down and taking my time."

The long and languid thrusts were already making Edmund gasp with pleasure and he rolled his head back on the pillow in exquisite relief at the sensations moving through his body.

"Yes," he moaned. "Whatever you want, just don't stop."

"My choice? So, if I want this," and Edmund felt Caspian's hands tighten on his wrists again, "you're ready to give it to me?"

Edmund's eyes flew open as the words sank in and he realised what Caspian was asking of him. Edmund had already suspected that sometimes Caspian liked to take his pleasure as much as he gave it, that he liked to feel his bed partner yield to him, and Edmund still wasn't so sure how he felt about the idea of giving up control so completely.

As if sensing this, Caspian's lips brushed softly over Edmund's cheek.

"I would never do anything you didn't want, love, all you have to do is tell me," he whispered into Edmund's ear.

And that was the heart of the problem, Edmund thought, just what exactly did he want? He couldn't deny that he liked following Caspian's lead when they were together like this, and even now when his mind was whirling with thought Edmund could feel how relaxed and pliant his body was under Caspian's, as if it already knew what Edmund really wanted even as his mind struggled to catch up. Edmund closed his eyes again and focussed on the sensations in his body. Caspian was still thrusting steadily and his panting breath was hot against Edmund's throat. Again Edmund flexed his hands and again he felt Caspian's fingers tighten around his wrists and before he could stop himself a soft moan escaped Edmund's lips.

"Made up your mind?" Caspian murmured gently.

Edmund nodded into Caspian's shoulder. "Whatever you want," he said again and he grimaced to himself, knowing that Caspian would have clearly heard the throaty excitement that he'd tried to suppress.

Caspian's answer was a low laugh that sent a coil of delicious heat winding through Edmund's body. As a small act of retaliation Edmund scraped his teeth along Caspian's throat and smiled as he heard Caspian's soft hiss.

Caspian's thrusts were still slow, almost lazy, and Edmund felt himself sinking into the haze of pleasure that was building in his body. This felt different from the other times they'd done this, every thrust that Caspian made seemed to press against something inside Edmund that intensified the hot waves flooding through him. Caspian's voice was a low murmur in Edmund's ear and sometimes Edmund would manage to focus enough to catch a sentence or two that would send even more heat to his face. And this was something else that was different, Caspian talking like this, saying things that only a few weeks ago would have shocked Edmund, but now it all only seemed to become a part of the pressure rising in him.

Then Caspian seemed to press him more heavily into the bunk, his stomach pressing against the erection that Edmund had almost forgotten about. The friction of Caspian's body intensified the ache of it and pushed Edmund closer to the edge, but it wasn't enough and Edmund groaned in sudden frustration.

"Soon," Caspian whispered. "I promise."

Edmund closed his eyes as Caspian's mouth took his in a deep kiss. This slow build-up was beginning to become too much, the ache for release overwhelming, and Edmund gasped into Caspian's mouth as he tried to move his hips against Caspian's.

"Let me…" he whispered against Caspian's lips.

"Hmmm?" Caspian murmured. "Let you do what?"

Edmund groaned. "Please…" he muttered.

"Not yet. When I'm ready. I'll make it good for you, I promise."

An involuntary gasp escaped Edmund's lips as he heard the reply. He had to admit there was something compelling about being at Caspian's mercy like this, an excitement that seemed to be tied into a feeling of complete lack of responsibility, the feeling that he could let go of everything and just experience the moment. He'd never thought that he would trust anyone else as much as he now realised he trusted Caspian but even more startling for Edmund was the realisation that he wasn't afraid of what might happen if he did let go. He finally trusted himself enough to do this, not just physically but emotionally as well.

Lost in the moment of this discovery, Edmund had not noticed that Caspian had stilled against him until the lips that had pressed against his were gone. His eyes flew open and he saw that Caspian was looking down at him, his expression worried.

"Are you alright?" Caspian asked quietly as Edmund blinked up at him in confusion. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Oh god, no, are you mad?" And Edmund couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face because the strangest feeling of giddy excitement was rising in his chest and it just made him want to laugh, so he did and saw Caspian's look of shock settle into an answering grin of his own. "I just… I really…"

"What?" Caspian whispered, still smiling down at Edmund.

"I do love you," Edmund finally said. "I don't think I actually said it before."

For a moment Caspian seemed frozen and then he took a deep, gasping breath and pressed a hard kiss onto Edmund's mouth.

"You have no idea," he said between tantalising kisses, "of what you do to me, Edmund, and of how much I love you for it."

And then his hips began moving against Edmund's again and Edmund was once more lost in the heat and the building pressure until finally, finally, Caspian's hand moved from Edmund's wrist and gripped Edmund's straining erection. A few quick strokes was all it took for Edmund to reach his limit and topple over the edge into an orgasm that left him shaking and trembling all over and moaning into Caspian's ear even as Caspian groaned his own satisfaction into Edmund's.

* * *

It seemed a long time later that Edmund, his skin still tingling, realised that Caspian was no longer pressing him into the bunk, but was lying beside him, propped up on one elbow and trailing his fingers in strange patterns over Edmund's stomach.

"What are you doing?" Edmund whispered.

"Just enjoying the moment," Caspian replied, his eyes meeting Edmund's and a smirk spreading over his face. "You, my love, passed out for a minute."

Edmund frowned. "I did?"

"Don't worry about it," said Caspian, his fingers now tracing Edmund's lips. "It happens sometimes." The grin on his face widened. "Just means you really enjoyed yourself."

The smug expression on Caspian's face made Edmund want to strangely both hug and punch Caspian at the same time. Instead, he lowered his eyes and then turned his face away from Caspian's so he wouldn't see the smile he was finding it so hard to suppress.

"I'm sorry that it wasn't as good for you," he said softly. "I'll try to do better in future."

"What the…" he heard Caspian gasp, and he was pulled into Caspian's arms. He buried his face in Caspian's shoulder and trembled with laughter. "Edmund? How could you think…? By Aslan, are you crying, love?"

It was too much and Edmund raised his head. "No, I'm laughing, you idiot."

Caspian's face was frozen with shock. "You little… _devil_."

"I'm sorry," said Edmund, still laughing. "I just couldn't resist. You're not angry with me, are you?"

"No," said Caspian, finally smiling. "But don't you ever do something like that again. My heart couldn't take it."

Edmund patted Caspian softly on the cheek. "I promise. Unless, of course, you deserve it."

Caspian sighed as he pulled Edmund down to the bunk and held him in his arms.

"I do worry sometimes, about what I've gotten myself into."

Edmund pressed a soft kiss against Caspian's throat and felt Caspian's arms tighten briefly around him in response. They lay for a while in silent contentment and Edmund found himself running over the events of the evening in his mind. So much had changed for him in such a short time and he had a feeling that in some ways he should be feeling overwhelmed, but instead all he felt was a strange feeling of what he could only describe as relaxed anticipation about what might happen next. Although, there were some things he was curious about.

"Caspian," he said, before he could think better of it. "You said something strange before."

"I did?" Caspian mumbled sleepily.

"Yes, um…" replied Edmund, and he could feel the tell-tale heat of embarrassment rising in his face and was glad Caspian could not see it. "You said something about some men not… well… not liking…"

"Oh, that," said Caspian, sounding more awake. "Yes, well, you see, some men, like you, get a lot of pleasure from being penetrated in that way and for others there is little or none at all."

"And… which are you?"

Edmund couldn't quite believe that he'd managed to ask the question and his face was burning so much that he wondered if it could actually burn a hole in the bunk.

Caspian shifted beside him and after a moment Edmund heard him clear his throat.

"Edmund, if you ever wanted to do that, I wouldn't say no to you."

Edmund's brow rose in surprise. He'd never heard Caspian give such an evasive answer to a question before, ever. It prompted him to forget his own embarrassment and lean up to look down into Caspian's face.

"Have you ever…?" He broke off as he saw the flush rise in Caspian's face. This, too, was a rare occurrence and Edmund was again surprised.

"Yes, I have," said Caspian, softly. "I'll be honest, Edmund, I'm not one of those that takes great pleasure in it, but it's not… intolerable."

"I see," said Edmund thoughtfully, watching Caspian's face. The blush had gone from the King's cheeks but he still looked wary and uncomfortable.

"Does my answer… disappoint you?"

It was a strange moment for Edmund, the first time that he'd seen vulnerability in Caspian, and for a few brief seconds a heady rush of power swept through him, but it was immediately followed with an urge to reassure… and protect. Was this what being in love with someone could do, how it could change things?

"You said something to me once," he said slowly, thinking the words through so that he wouldn't risk messing this up. "You said that you only wanted to do to me what I wanted you to do. That works both ways, you know."

He watched as the wariness left Caspian's face, replaced with a smile, and then he leaned forward and softly brushed his lips against Caspian's.


	16. Chapter 16

The darkness was complete except for the three lanterns on the ship and the flickering torches held by two nervous crewmen.

Everybody was nervous, Edmund didn't have to see the faces of his fellow travellers to feel the tension in the air. He glanced up at the masthead, to the dim circle of light that surrounded Lucy and hoped against hope that she would be safe up there. He hadn't been happy with her choice to be with the archers but she was one of the best with a bow on board the ship and Edmund had been unable to argue against that practicality.

At this moment, it was hard to believe that only the day before they had been sailing peacefully through idyllic waters, the final day of twelve of what Edmund could only describe as the happiest days of his life. Even though he'd finally fully accepted his feelings for Caspian, Edmund had still experienced some discomfort in the first couple of days, when it had been apparent that the entire crew now knew about them. But the crew had acted with discretion, and so had Caspian, and in a strange way they'd ended up with more privacy than they'd had before.

So the discomfort had passed and Edmund had relaxed and found himself enjoying a situation that he'd never thought he would. Being in a relationship with Caspian was, in some ways, easier than Edmund had thought it would be, although they'd certainly had a couple of vigorous, and surprising, disagreements. Edmund had been honestly bewildered by Caspian's reaction after he'd spent a day widening the bunk in their cabin. He'd thought Caspian would be pleased, after all Caspian was the larger of the two of them and the bunk was a tight fit, but instead of being appreciative of Edmund's enterprise and consideration, Caspian had spent the entire night sulking in the hastily re-hung hammock. The next day, in a fit of temper, Edmund had thrown the hammock overboard and, oddly enough, that had been the end of the argument. He still wasn't entirely sure what it had been about but after that Caspian had been very appreciative, both of Edmund and the larger bunk.

Since then the days had passed peacefully and happily and it had been Edmund, on watch, who'd first sighted the dark land ahead of them. He wished now that he'd kept his mouth shut but, of course, someone else would have spotted it eventually.

The man they had rescued from the darkness lay in a huddled heap on the deck near Edmund and Edmund could clearly see the panic and despair in his eyes, the same panic and despair that seemed to be echoing around the ship for they had now been rowing for far too long to still be caught in the darkness, and everyone had realised it.

"We're never goin' to get out," muttered one of the sailors near Edmund, and someone else groaned in agreement.

"Hush," said Edmund, "and keep to your station." He tried to keep his voice firm and reassuring and the sailors grimly nodded their appreciation, but even so he couldn't stop the fear rising in him that the two sailors' were right. They would be stuck in this darkness forever.

He glanced at Caspian, wondering if he would see the same dawning realisation in his eyes, and frowned in surprise when he saw that the King was completely distracted, gazing up at the mast, his hand clenching on his sword.

"Caspian?" Edmund whispered, moving closer.

Caspian reached out a protective arm. "Stay back, Edmund," he said. "It's just going to settle on the mast."

Edmund gazed at the mast in wonder; there was nothing there, yet Caspian was gazing upwards with an expression of sheer horror on his face.

"Caspian," Edmund repeated more firmly, and he shook the King's arm. Caspian blinked at him and then looked back up at the mast in confusion.

"Thanks, Edmund," he finally said. "Stay here, I'm going to talk to Drinian."

Edmund nodded and watched as Caspian strode along the deck and then as he turned back towards his post he saw something that made him stop in joyful surprise.

"Aslan?" he breathed, staring at the strong, golden back reclining on the deck before him. "Is that really you? Oh, you must help us."

As he spoke, the large form lumbered clumsily to its feet and Edmund frowned in confusion at this strange lack of grace, but when the great Lion turned to face him, he gasped in horror. For this could not be Aslan, this furiously, snarling beast, with the blood dripping from a deep wound in its chest.

Edmund took a swift step backwards as the Lion lurched towards him, trying to find some sign of recognition in the angry, golden eyes, and for a brief moment he thought he saw it, but mixed with such bitter and accusing disappointment that Edmund swiftly looked away, gasping in pain.

But his confusion and pain only grew as he realised that he was no longer on the Dawn Treader but instead standing in the main courtyard of Cair Paravel. However this was Cair Paravel as he'd never seen it, neither in fair, perfect beauty or picturesque ruin. This was Cair Paravel in the process of complete destruction, corpses littered the courtyard as flames and smoke billowed around Edmund, and he could hear the despairing cries of dying men and women in the air.

Edmund shuddered as a horrible, screaming laugh rang through the courtyard and somebody yelled, "Never get out!" and he saw that the great portcullis was down. They were all trapped in this hellish nightmare.

"How can this be happening?" he muttered, turning back to Aslan in confusion. The Lion was calm now, gazing at Edmund sternly.

"You did this," Aslan replied, his usually deep, rich voice marred by grief and loss. "Aided by me, for I should never have chosen you."

The words were like a knife through Edmund's heart and he sank to his knees struggling for air.

"Aslan…"

"Do not speak my name, Edmund, son of Adam, for you have destroyed that which I love and I cannot forgive you this villainy. At a time when strength was needed, you wrought weakness through the satisfaction of your own needs and desires. Narnia is gone - a world lost, even as I now return you to yours. Do what you will there, for as you have known me here, you shall not know me there. Begone."

Even with the heat of the flames approaching all around him, Edmund could only kneel in numb confusion as his mind reeled around Aslan's implacable words. This moment had always been his greatest fear, held deep down in a secret place inside himself, and now here it was, out in the open, a living nightmare that could no longer be fought against.

He bowed his heavy head for a moment and then looked back up at Aslan, searching for something, anything in the Lion's face that would bring some small measure of relief, but what he saw in the great, golden eyes, shattered his heart, finally and completely.

It was love.

The shining purity of it burned into Edmund's eyes, like a great, white searchlight, searing into his skin. Edmund briefly closed his eyes hoping to escape the agony of it, and when he opened them again, it was gone. And so too, was the darkness that had seemed to press in on him with the flames that were also gone.

Edmund gasped in amazement as he realised that he was kneeling on the deck of the Dawn Treader, blinking into the warm sunlight.

* * *

Caspian's voice seemed to come from a great distance and echoed quietly in Edmund's head.

"Edmund? Edmund, can your hear me? I think he's in shock. Make room here, there are too many crowded around. Take Lord Rhoop below, and someone bring some rum to my cabin, quickly. I'll carry King Edmund there."

He felt the motion as he was lifted and then carried some distance. The arms holding him were strong, their comfort was familiar and Edmund closed his eyes, sighing in weariness.

A few moments later, he felt the softness under his back and pressed his head into the pillows gratefully, trying to ignore the soft murmur of voices in the room.

"Lucy, I don't think the cordial will work for this." It was Caspian speaking again and as much as he tried not to, Edmund could not stop himself from focusing on the words. "This ill is not physical – ah, Rynelf, thank you, this rum will help I think. Get some rest, and you too, Lucy. Edmund will be fine, I promise you."

Edmund wanted to disagree with this, he really didn't think he'd ever be fine again, but cold lethargy was stealing over him, and he couldn't be bothered trying to tell Caspian how wrong he was.

He felt the movement beside him and opened his eyes as a hand cradled the back of his head. Caspian was sitting on the bunk holding a goblet to Edmund's lips and he automatically opened his mouth and swallowed the liquid. The burn of the unwatered rum seemed to spread through his whole body, warming it and easing away the tension that had been locked in his muscles. But this return to feeling was exactly what Edmund did not want and when Caspian held the goblet to his mouth again, Edmund turned his head away and slumped back onto the pillows.

"Whatever you saw, love, it wasn't real. It was a nightmare. Please come out of this." Caspian's voice was firm but gentle and once again, Edmund found that he could not resist listening to it. "I know you can hear me now and I know how brave you are, and I know that you can come out of this and tell me what happened."

"How do you know it wasn't real?" Edmund bit his lip, but it was too late, he'd responded to Caspian without really thinking about it and he really wished he hadn't because the images of what he'd seen were gathering in his mind quickly. "It felt real."

"Nightmares do," said Caspian. "Until you wake up - and sometimes for a while after. But eventually you realise that it wasn't real. The magic of the island made us live out our nightmares but they weren't real either. If they were, then every man on the Dawn Treader would have been slaughtered by a rather large dragon," he smiled at Edmund, ruefully.

"You saw a dragon?" asked Edmund, glad of the distraction. "I think I would have preferred that."

"Well, it's certainly not my preference," replied Caspian. "I've never been that fond of dragons - they've filled my worst nightmares - and the one I saw today was a particularly nasty specimen."

Edmund raised an eyebrow as a thought struck him. "Then that must have made your life interesting when Eustace was one."

Caspian shuddered delicately and grinned at Edmund. "Oh, you have no idea," he said. "Do you want some more rum?"

Edmund sat up and nodded, reaching for the goblet. He took another sip and felt the warmth spread through him again and sighed.

"Perhaps it would help if you told me what you saw," Caspian suggested softly.

"Perhaps." Edmund winced. "I'm just not sure that I can do it without blubbering all over you."

"I don't mind," said Caspian, taking Edmund's hand and squeezing it.

So Edmund told him. With faltering words and scant detail he described what he'd seen. He did not cry, although there were moments where the sheer cold horror of it stole over him again, but a soft word from Caspian and a squeeze of his hand would bring Edmund back.

"Thank you for trusting me with that," Caspian said when Edmund had finished and somehow it was exactly the right thing for Edmund to hear at that moment. He tugged on Caspian's hand until they were lying together on the bunk, his head resting on Caspian's solid chest.

"The next time I see Aslan…" Edmund hesitated, unable to voice his fears.

"I think it will make it easier, actually," said Caspian. "It will make it clear that it wasn't really him that you saw."

"Are you sure it wasn't?" Edmund asked; the memory was still too clear, too vivid for him to fully accept that it hadn't really happened.

"It was a nightmare, Edmund," said Caspian firmly. "And I hope you don't mind my saying this but, given your history, it's understandable you would have a nightmare like this one. You told me before that you always strived to live up to the second chance that Aslan gave you and you know that what happened between us stirred up some of your fears. But I know that the things you saw will never happen."

"How do you know that?"

The words burst out of Edmund before he could stop them and he tried to sit up, appalled at his lack of control, but Caspian's arms locked around him, holding him in place.

"Because I know you," said Caspian. "It's as simple as that. I know that you would never let that happen, and I think, deep down, that you know it too. This nightmare has thrown you for a moment, but it's a moment only, and I can guarantee you that every man in his bunk tonight is struggling with thoughts of self-doubt from these nightmares. Including me. But tomorrow we will all get up and continue as we always have and do what we must do and so will you, King Edmund of Narnia."

Edmund sighed. He could still feel the remnants of the horror he had felt at Aslan's accusation but Caspian's words seemed to have dispelled the utter fear he'd been feeling. And he knew that Caspian was right, he couldn't start second-guessing himself now because of a nightmare, he had to remain true to his determination to be worthy of Aslan's faith in him.

"You are wise, King Caspian of Narnia," he said softly, and felt Caspian's arms tighten around him. He looked up into blue eyes and smiled.

"So, what thoughts are you struggling with?"

Caspian laughed. "Well, let's just say that I wouldn't like to be alone with Eustace right now. That dragon could still be in there somewhere."

Edmund couldn't help it, he snorted with laughter.

"I think Eustace before he became a dragon was more frightening than Eustace as a dragon."

"Hmm, you could be right," said Caspian, his voice doubtful. "But at least he was smaller before. Easier to dispose of."

And Edmund laughed again.


	17. Chapter 17

Over the next few days the painful memories of the Dark Island seemed to fade for everyone and Edmund gradually felt the dark grip of what he had seen begin to lose its strength. Only Lord Rhoop seemed to still struggle with accepting that the reality of the island was gone but even he revelled in the warm nights and the gentle wind that sent the Dawn Treader gliding through the glassy sea.

The evenings were glorious, the brightest stars they had ever seen gleamed in the sky like rare jewels in patterns that were unrecognisable to everyone and they spent many long hours imagining names for these new constellations.

Then, finally, one perfect evening a new island seemed to rise out of the sea on their starboard bow, a land of gentle slopes and soft valleys. They gazed in fascination as the Dawn Treader sailed on whilst Drinian searched for a safe-landing point, and then Lucy sniffed the air with a rapt expression on her face.

"Do you smell that?" she said, her voice excited. "What a beautiful scent, I've never smelt anything like that before."

Reepicheep's small whiskers trembled on his quivering nose.

"Yes, Queen Lucy," he agreed. "It is truly a lovely scent."

"I don't know how to describe it," Lucy said, her voice dreamy. "It's… oh… like a colour almost… a sort of dim, purple kind of smell."

Edmund smiled to himself. Whilst the scent was beautiful only Lucy would come up with such a strange way to describe it.

"Lucy," he laughed. "Don't talk such utter rot."

They all laughed, including Lucy, but then a particularly strong waft of the delicious perfume reached them and Caspian's eyes widened. He looked thoughtfully at Lucy.

"You know," he said, "I think you're right, Lucy. I know what you mean."

Half an hour later they landed in a wide and shallow bay. The evening had not yet faded into darkness so almost the entire crew joined them as they explored the island and it was quite quickly that they found the long table fully laden with a feast such as none of them had ever seen before, and also the enchanted sleepers.

Edmund was unsettled for the whole place smelt of magic, not necessarily the good kind, and quite a few of the others agreed with him. It was for quite some length of time that they argued the merits of eating the food or staying near the table throughout the night and eventually the crew were sent back to the ship, whilst Edmund, Caspian, Lucy, Eustace and Reep stayed behind.

It was a long night, sitting at the table with the sound of the waves crashing in the distance but finally there was an almost imperceptible lightening of the sky in the east and, with rapidly beating hearts, they found themselves watching the approach of the loveliest girl that any of them had ever seen.

Her beauty was dazzling and radiant and Edmund's breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. Beside him he felt Caspian shift restlessly and when Edmund glanced at him, Caspian was frowning, his eyes confused. Edmund rested a hand on Caspian's arm and gave him a questioning look but when Caspian met his eyes the King merely shrugged slightly and smiled.

They all rose to their feet as the girl approached and waited, breathlessly, to hear her speak. When she did, her voice was soft but clear as a bell and full of music and a small thrill went through Edmund at the sound of it. But it was as she was telling them the story of the enchanted sleepers that Edmund finally saw the stone knife that lay on the table and her voice faded from his ears as he gazed at it. For some reason it made him feel cold, chilled to the bone, and he shivered slightly.

Eventually he began to focus on the conversation again but when he did he immediately regretted it because the first thing he heard was Lucy saying that the stone knife was the one used by the White Witch to kill Aslan at the Stone Table.

Edmund couldn't stop himself from gasping and he could feel the tension gripping his body for, he discovered, it was one thing to have guessed that Aslan may have shed blood for Edmund's life, but it was another thing entirely to discover that he had sacrificed himself so completely to save Edmund.

Suddenly, Caspian's hand gripped his and Edmund felt his fingers tremble in Caspian's firm grip. He looked up and his eyes met the clear gaze of the girl, her eyes full of pity, and he quickly looked away, swallowing heavily. He wanted desperately to escape, to run from them and find a quiet place to hide but Caspian's hand was like an anchor, holding him firmly in place.

Finally the moment passed and they sat down and began to eat the food. It was delicious but Edmund could not eat much of it. He felt numb and he could not even feel any interest in the fact that they had actually found the final three Narnian Lords.

He managed to hold himself together throughout the meal and indeed the sight of the retired star, Ramandu, and the song that he sang with his daughter as a larger sun than they had ever seen rose slowly in the east was amazing and a distraction, as was the realisation that they were now so close to the End of the World.

But the finding of the three Lords, and the knowledge of how they could break the enchantment, caused a new dilemma for many felt that they had now fulfilled the mission of the Dawn Treader. There was much discussion and Edmund tried to pay attention and be supportive but it was a great relief when Caspian gave the crew his ultimatum and he could slip away quietly during the wait for the crew to make their decision.

He made his way around Ramandu's hill and into a low, quiet valley and once there he sank to his knees on the ground. He felt almost sick, the shame and the terrible memories rising in him until at last they broke free in a rough sob. After that Edmund lost the struggle to hold back the harsh gasps and the tears that ran hot on his face.

Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around his waist tightly, pulling him back against a body that knelt behind him. He knew it was Caspian even before he heard his voice against his ear.

"Edmund, love," Caspian whispered. "I know, I know."

"Go away, Caspian," Edmund finally managed to say between his sobs as he struggled against Caspian's hold. "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Too late," said Caspian, only holding Edmund tighter. "I love you and I'm not going anywhere."

Edmund gave up the fight and relaxed against Caspian, his head drooping forward. The pain still twisted in his heart but the tears ran silently as his gasping sobs finally faded. He could feel Caspian pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck and the sensation was oddly comforting.

"You were worth it," Caspian's voice was a whisper that Edmund almost had to strain to hear. "Aslan thought so and so do I, we all do."

At the sound of these words Edmund's body jerked slightly before he could stop it. He knew that Caspian had felt it but, thankfully, he did not say anything more. Edmund ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the traces of the tears that had finally ceased to flow.

"We should get back," Edmund eventually managed to say, his voice rough and raw. "Time is almost up."

Caspian's arms tightened for a moment and then Edmund was released as Caspian stood and held out a hand. Edmund took it and allowed Caspian to help him to his feet. Caspian's eyes were searching his face questioningly and Edmund nodded and gave him a slightly wavering smile.

"I'll be all right," he said, and it felt surprisingly right to say it. "It was just a shock."

It was as they rounded the hill that they saw Ramandu's daughter standing near, almost as if she had been waiting for them. When they reached her, she laid a hand on Edmund's arm and halted him. Caspian hesitated for a moment but she smiled at his questioning look and he nodded once and then moved away towards the area where the crew were waiting.

Edmund gazed at her, speechless and rather nervous, and in awe of the perfection of her face.

"You all have tasks ahead of you on this journey to the World's End," she said after a moment, in her soft, clear voice. "Your task is that of forgiveness, King Edmund, for you must find a way to finally forgive yourself."

Edmund blinked at her, her words ringing in his ears, and then gasped slightly as she leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

After that the rest of their time on the island was a daze to Edmund. The crew agreed to continue on their journey, Lord Rhoop had already joined the enchanted Lords in healing slumber, and they spent the night feasting at the banquet table. Edmund stayed as far as possible from the stone knife and he did not talk much, instead sitting beside Caspian and struggling to concentrate on the conversations around him. Eventually he dozed a little.

In the morning Ramandu and his daughter returned to them and after they had sung their song and the birds had come and gone, they bid them farewell. Edmund found that he could not take his eyes off her face and so he saw that her gaze rested often on Caspian, her eyes sad with a sort of gentle regret.

It was a look that disturbed him with an obscure pain and as he followed Caspian down to the bay where the Dawn Treader waited for them, Edmund cast one last glance over his shoulder at her, with the feeling rising within him that a path that should have been full of light had darkened… and disappeared.

* * *

"What if she said no?"

It had been two days since they had left Ramandu's island. Two days in which they had all struggled to adjust to the increased brightness of the light, and two days in which Edmund had often struggled with his thoughts.

Now he was sitting in a quiet part of the deck where they had strung up a piece of sailcloth for shade and Caspian was sitting beside him reading a book.

Caspian looked up and blinked in confusion at Edmund.

"What?"

"You told me once that you would only take a male lover if your Queen agreed," Edmund replied. It was something he had thought about occasionally since he had begun this relationship with Caspian but somehow since Ramandu's island it had been on his mind more often. "So, what if we got back to Narnia and you found someone and she said no to… us?"

Caspian shrugged. "Then I wouldn't marry her," he said simply, as if Edmund had asked a question that a babe could answer.

"But…" Edmund faltered, frowning as he tried to find the right words. "But you couldn't keep doing that. You'd have to find someone."

Caspian looked up again, closed his book and then reached over and took Edmund's hand.

"Edmund," he said quietly, "there's really no need to worry about this."

"I'm not worrying," Edmund said quickly, his face flushing. "I was just… wondering."

Caspian smiled. "Well, there is a reason I haven't kept the lovers I've had a secret amongst the court, Edmund. The noblewomen of Narnia are aware that I prefer men and there are those amongst them who would willingly accept the situation."

"Caspian," Edmund said, after thinking for a moment. "Someone who accepted that sort of situation would only be doing so in exchange for power. That could be very dangerous."

"I'm aware of that, Edmund," said Caspian, "and so you and I would have to work very hard together to ensure that the Queen's dignity was preserved. We would have to nurture her friendship and that would probably mean that we would have to be very discreet with our own relationship. Would you be willing to do that with me?"

The question seemed significant to Edmund and it wasn't just the serious expression on Caspian's face that made him feel that way. He felt as if Caspian was asking him to make a promise, to make his own commitment to their future and the look in his blue eyes as he watched Edmund and waited made Edmund's heart leap. He took a deep breath.

"Yes, of course I would," he said, squeezing Caspian's hand and Caspian leaned towards Edmund and pressed a hard kiss to his lips.

"Then, there is nothing to worry about," Caspian said, after he'd pulled away.

Edmund frowned slightly and opened his mouth but he was interrupted by a loud splash and in the subsequent rescue of Reepicheep and the discovery of the sweet waters of the East the moment was lost.

* * *

Edmund did not try to continue the conversation he'd had with Caspian. The opportunity seemed to have passed and he felt an odd reluctance to talk about the future in any great detail.

And indeed the effects of drinking the sweet water made everyone more inclined to silence. The brightness of the light was easier to bear, and nobody was particularly hungry.

Or at least not hungry for food as Edmund discovered that evening when he entered the cabin to find Caspian lying on the bunk, completely naked with one hand behind his head and the other fisted around his erection.

He glanced up with dark eyes as Edmund came through the door and Edmund halted, his breath catching in his throat.

"There you are," Caspian said, the movement of his hand drawing Edmund's eyes like a moth to flame. "I've been waiting for you. Lock the door and come over here."

It wasn't that difficult, Edmund decided, to obey Caspian when he was looking at Edmund like that, so he closed the door, locked it and walked across the cabin to hover beside the bunk.

"Take your clothes off. I want you to ride me."

There was something dark and rough in Caspian's voice and it made Edmund shiver. He quickly scrambled out of his clothes, all the while with Caspian's eyes roving over him, and then knelt up astride Caspian's body. He saw the bottle of oil in Caspian's hand and shivered again but then frowned in confusion when Caspian pressed the bottle into his hand.

"Prepare yourself for me."

Edmund gasped. He'd never done that to himself before, always Caspian had been the one to do it, but whilst he felt the embarrassed blush burning on his face at the same time an odd excitement was rising inside of him.

He poured some oil on his trembling fingers and rose up slightly, reaching behind and circling his fingers around his entrance. Finally he pushed one in, his breath catching at the sensation and he heard an answering gasp from Caspian.

"Move your hand," Caspian said, still with that thick, dark inflection in his voice. "Let me see."

The heat burned hotter on Edmund's face but he moved the hand that he'd been using to shield himself and squeezed it around his own growing hardness. There was something very compelling about looking down at Caspian like this as he got himself ready for him. Caspian looked relaxed, one hand still lightly stroking his erection and the other back behind his head, but his eyes were the darkest Edmund had ever seen them and he was biting his bottom lip between his teeth.

Edmund added another finger to the first one and watched for Caspian's reaction. His eyes widened when he saw Caspian reach for the oil, pour some into his hand and then smooth it onto his shaft.

"You're impatient."

It was the first time Edmund had spoken since he'd entered the room and he almost cringed at how excited and breathless his voice sounded.

"Yes," Caspian said, his voice almost curt, and his hands gripped Edmund's thighs tugging him forward. "Do you think you can take me yet?"

Edmund wasn't entirely sure but he knew that he, too, didn't want to wait any longer. What had started as a slow burn of desire had become something more urgent and it was difficult not to give in to it. He reached down to where Caspian's erection now lay directly below him and lined it up with himself. Caspian moaned as Edmund began to sink down but Edmund almost didn't hear it because the burn was almost overwhelming. For a moment he wanted to lift up again but he waited, with his teeth clenched and Caspian's hands on his quivering thighs holding him steady.

Then, finally, the pain eased and he was able to sink down further, taking Caspian deep inside. A guttural groan left his throat and he leaned forward slightly, resting his hands on Caspian's chest.

"Yes, Edmund," Caspian said, roughly. "That's it. Now, fuck yourself on me."

Another wave of heat rose in Edmund's face but it didn't stop him from rising up and then sinking down on Caspian again, or moaning at the sensation.

"Feeling lazy?" he managed to gasp, looking down at Caspian, his hands curling against the King's chest.

"I like watching you."

Edmund could easily believe it for Caspian's eyes swept over him in a heated gaze that almost seemed to burn on his skin. He felt Caspian's hands wrap around his wrists, pushing him back so that both of their hands rested on Edmund's straining thighs.

Time drifted for a while after that as Edmund was lost in the haze of building pleasure, quiet gasping breaths and the soft, slick sounds of their movements. Eventually Caspian began to move under him, thrusting slightly upwards, his hand stroking Edmund's erection and drawing from him a sudden orgasm that was so startling in its intensity that Edmund collapsed against Caspian's chest.

Before the tremors of it had fully left Edmund, Caspian had rolled them over and begun thrusting hard and deeply into him. Edmund wrapped his arms around Caspian's shoulders, relishing in the feeling of his body against him. His thighs were aching from the position they had been in but he spread his legs wide around Caspian's hips and let him take what he needed, and a few forceful thrusts later Caspian groaned loudly and his body tightened with tension.

A moment later Caspian relaxed and Edmund felt his mouth against his ear.

"It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?" Caspian whispered.

Edmund nodded his agreement, too boneless and lazy to speak, and when Caspian withdrew and rolled away from him his eyes were already drifting shut.


	18. Chapter 18

And now they truly were sailing to the end of the world and their entrance into the Silver Sea of lilies merely confirmed it. The perfume of the flowers surrounded them at all times, wild and delicious, and somehow between that and the sweet water of the east, they needed no other nourishment.

The days passed, endlessly, in silent wonderment and a deep feeling of peace settled over the ship, almost painful in its intensity, but Edmund would not have given away this experience for anything, and he could see that the others felt the same.

A day came when he found himself sitting with Caspian in the main cabin, doing nothing. Lucy was at her usual place on the main deck, leaning over the railing, and Eustace was with Reepicheep on the poop, but somehow Edmund did not feel like moving. An even deeper peace was stealing over him, as he sat on the bench leaning against Caspian. They weren't even talking, they were content to simply sit and enjoy each other's presence in the heavy, still silence of the room. It was as if they were both waiting for something to happen, and Edmund was not at all surprised when he looked up and found that the golden lion's head on the wall opposite him was glowing. As he watched, the eyes filled with life.

"Aslan!" exclaimed Edmund.

"King Edmund, King Caspian," replied Aslan in his rich, deep voice. "I would speak with you."

The seriousness of the Lion's voice quelled Edmund's excitement, and indeed the memory of what he had experienced on the Dark Island was rising strong within him. He flushed, but stood slowly and knelt before the Lion's head and beside him Caspian did the same.

"Of course, Aslan," he said, vainly trying to suppress the tremor in his voice.

"Son of Adam," said Aslan, his voice gentle. "Do not burden yourself with the thought of that which has never happened, for you have fought your battle well and I am pleased. But the battle continues, as it ever does in life, and the time will soon be here when you will both have to make a choice."

"A choice, Aslan?" It was Caspian who spoke, and Edmund could not believe the calm in his voice for Edmund's own heart was suddenly beating too hard and he felt rather breathless.

"Yes, King Caspian," said Aslan. "It is thus, King Edmund may return to his own world, or he may stay here in Narnia. The choice is for you both to decide."

Edmund felt Caspian's hand grip his, squeezing hard and Edmund could sense the excitement that was rising in Caspian, but his own nerves were growing steadily, for surely it could not be this simple.

"You won't send me back?" Edmund asked doubtfully.

"If you stay, King Edmund," said Aslan, "I will never send you back."

Edmund could not hold his gasp.

"You mean I would never return to England? I would never see my family again?"

"That is what I mean."

"Oh," breathed Edmund.

Caspian's hand was still holding Edmund's tightly and Edmund took comfort in that even as something painful twisted in his stomach.

"What about Lucy? And Eustace?" he finally managed to ask.

"They must return to your world," said Aslan. "It is possible that Eustace may return one day, but this is the last time that your sister will come to Narnia, and if you choose to go back, you too, will never return to this Narnia."

He heard the slight gasp beside him, but could not bring himself to look at Caspian.

"Aslan," Caspian said. "I have always wanted to visit a world that is round. Perhaps-"

"You are the King of Narnia," Aslan interrupted, and his voice was kind but stern. "Your duty is here."

"Of course, My Lord," Caspian answered, his head bowed, and Edmund finally glanced at him. For a moment he had felt a stab of relief at the suggestion that Caspian had made, but as he looked at the King kneeling beside him, Edmund could not for a moment imagine Caspian in England. No, the only way they could remain together was if Edmund stayed in Narnia.

"This is a lot to think about," said Edmund, his throat tight.

"It is," Aslan agreed. "It is something that you must decide together and you must think of the consequences that each choice may bring about, both for you, and for Narnia."

"But what will happen if we make the wrong choice?" Edmund spoke softly, but there was a rising panic inside him that was making it difficult not to yell, and his heart was now beating so hard that it was making him feel dizzy. He was no longer looking at Caspian but he sensed the King's eyes now resting on him and his hand was tense in Edmund's. "Wouldn't it be better if you decided, Aslan?"

"You are no longer a child, Son of Adam," Aslan said. His voice was stern but Edmund could hear the hint of compassion in it. "I cannot tell you what may happen in the future, and I cannot make this decision for you. I can only tell you that it is necessary, both for you, and Narnia, that you make it. The only advice I can give you is to remember that you are both Kings of Narnia."

"Of course, Aslan," said Edmund, but as he spoke the glow around the Lion's head was already fading, and before he had finished it was simply a wall mask once more, and Edmund felt, even through his mire of confusion, that the world did not seem quite so bright as it had earlier.

For a few moments, they both remained kneeling, feeling the loss of Aslan's presence, and then Caspian rose quickly, pulling Edmund up beside him. His arms slid around Edmund's waist, pulling him close to Caspian's body and Edmund leaned against him thankfully, even as his heart felt like lead.

"This is good news, Edmund," Caspian said softly against Edmund's ear. "I know that it's difficult and will take some adjustment, particularly on your part, but at least we know that we can stay together."

Edmund sighed. "We have to talk about this, Caspian," he said. "We have to really think about it."

Caspian pressed a light kiss to Edmund's forehead. "Don't worry so much, Edmund," he said. "I know that it will be difficult for you to leave your family, but I'll help you as much as I can. You are a part of Narnia, and a part of me. All will be well, Edmund."

Edmund's heart melted at those words and the soft seduction of Caspian's voice but still a part of his mind could not let go of the idea that it might not be so simple.

"I know," he said, gazing up into Caspian's face. "Yes, I'm a part of Narnia, and Narnia is a part of me. It's a part of both of us, and we have to do what's right for Narnia, Caspian."

Caspian actually laughed, his eyes twinkling down at Edmund.

"Narnia is my Kingdom, Edmund, as it's King I will always try to do the right thing for Narnia." His arm tightened around Edmund's waist. "This is what's right for Narnia."

Edmund shook his head slightly. "How can we be so sure of that?" he whispered.

"You're not leaving, Edmund," Caspian said firmly, his eyes darkening.

Edmund frowned, his irritation rising. He felt sure that Aslan expected them to think about the decision to be made thoroughly, rather than just make an easy snap decision, and Caspian wasn't being reasonable.

"You can't just tell me what to do, Caspian," he said, and he could hear the frustration in his own voice. "Aslan said we should make this decision together."

Caspian released him and took a step away, and Edmund could see the rising anger in his eyes.

"I know that you think you owe Aslan some sort of sacrifice, Edmund," he said, coldly, and Edmund could not contain his gasp of pained shock. "But I'm telling you now, that sacrifice is not going to be me."

"Caspian," Edmund finally said, almost shaking with the effort to keep calm. "This is ridiculous. We have to talk about this. It's not like you can just decide to keep me here."

Caspian moved closer, suddenly looming over Edmund and pressing him into the wall of the cabin. His eyes were very dark now and Edmund tried to hide the slight tremor that went through him for he did not think that he had ever seen Caspian so angry.

"Is that so, Edmund?" Caspian almost snarled. "Do you think that if I told the crew to lock you in the hold and keep you there, they would not obey me?"

Edmund gasped again, but now his own anger was as hard as Caspian's. He drew himself up and glared at Caspian, his eyes narrowed.

"Do not threaten me, King Caspian," he said. "Or do you forget who I am? And how do you think Lucy would react if you tried to keep me here by force, not to mention Aslan-"

He did not get any further, for suddenly Caspian's hands gripped his face painfully and a hard kiss was pressed onto his lips. Edmund froze, but before he could react it was over and Caspian was glaring down at him again.

"I don't care, _King_ Edmund," he said. "The moment that you tell me you are going to leave, I give the order."

And then he was gone, and Edmund could only stare at the door of the cabin in stunned amazement and wonder at how the conversation had gone so terribly wrong so terribly quickly.

* * *

Two hours later found Edmund sitting in the cabin that he shared with Caspian. His initial shock had swiftly turned into pure rage at the way Caspian had acted and he'd started to follow Caspian and continue the argument. Somehow, he'd managed to restrain himself and he'd sought the privacy of their cabin, willing himself to calm down and try to think clearly. That had taken some time, but eventually he'd been able to go over the argument in a more reasoned way.

Caspian's words about being a sacrifice had stung, and Edmund knew that this was because they were partly true – he had always felt as if he owed Aslan, and Narnia, for the second chance he'd been given. But there was so much more to this decision than that. Somehow, after their time on Ramandu's Island, Edmund's concern for the future of Narnia, and Caspian's future, had grown. He remembered that moment he had experienced as he'd seen Ramandu's daughter for the last time, and the conversation about Narnia's future Queen he'd had with Caspian later, and he couldn't help feeling that if he stayed in Narnia, he'd be keeping Caspian from a path that should have been followed – and the results of that could end in disaster.

Edmund sighed fitfully. It was so difficult to know what was the best thing to do, and even more so when it would be so easy to do exactly what he wanted to do and stay with Caspian. It was hard to imagine what his life would be now, if he left Narnia and left Caspian, but he had a feeling it would not be easy or pleasant. He suspected that the loneliness he would feel, after finally letting someone get so close, would be almost unbearable.

He needed to talk to someone. He thought of Reep or Lucy or Eustace and shook his head in dismay – there was only one person on the ship that he could really talk to about this, and that was Caspian. The problem was, he was still angry with Caspian and Edmund was fairly certain that Caspian was still angry with him, but it couldn't be helped. Edmund had the strong feeling that their time was running out.

With swift determination, Edmund rose to his feet and went out on deck. He tried the main cabin first and as soon as he opened the door he could feel the tension in the air. Caspian was slouched in the corner with a book open in his hand that Edmund was positive he was not reading, and Lucy and Eustace were sitting at the table looking strained. Both of them looked up at Edmund with smiles of relief that quickly dropped away when they met his eyes.

"Lucy, Eustace, do you mind?" Edmund held the door open and they nodded their understanding, rising from the table quickly. As she passed Edmund, Lucy glanced over her shoulder at Caspian, who had not looked up from his book, and then gave Edmund's arm a quick squeeze.

"Good luck," she breathed, and Edmund locked the door behind her.

Caspian was still ignoring him as Edmund moved across the cabin and leaned against the table, and Edmund could see the tight tension in his shoulders.

"You said once," Edmund began, struggling to keep the anger out of his voice, "that you would not get angry with me as long as I discussed something with you and that is exactly what I tried to do."

Finally Caspian looked up, the book snapping shut in his hand as he laid it aside on the bench.

"Perhaps I would not have become so angry, Edmund," Caspian said, "if you had actually been discussing this with me. But you were talking to me as if you had already made the decision."

"As were you, Caspian. You know that this is a decision that we must make together and I never said that I would go back-"

"Rubbish, Edmund," Caspian interrupted, coldly. "You forget that I know you well, and I suspect that from the moment that Aslan spoke to us, you had already made _your_ choice."

Edmund froze, staring at Caspian as the anger drained from his heart leaving him cold with fear and struggling for breath, because suddenly he could see that Caspian was right. Everything that he had lived through, everything that he was, was telling him that he had to leave, and he couldn't ignore it.

Caspian was watching him closely, his eyes sharp, and then he nodded.

"I see I was right," he said, finally. "I told you before, Edmund, I won't be your sacrifice."

"And what if I stayed and Narnia was the sacrifice?" Edmund finally managed to ask, his heart thumping loudly in his ears.

Caspian frowned, but was silent.

"You told me yourself that love and duty don't always go together, and you know that your first duty to Narnia is to continue the line of Kings."

"Don't you _dare_ throw my words back at me like that," said Caspian, rising quickly to his feet. He wasn't yelling but the tight fury in his voice was probably worse, Edmund thought. "I have always said that I would fulfil that duty, and you know that I would."

Edmund nodded, strangely calm even though his chest still felt tight. "Yes, I know," he said. "But Caspian the person that you create that line with is just as important to that line as you are, and with me there, as a distraction, as a source of conflict… we've talked before about the type of people who would willingly enter into such a situation. It is all very well to theoretically believe that you could have a Queen and take a lover but I suspect that you would find the reality is very different - and it's dangerous, particularly so soon after Miraz."

He saw Caspian flinch, and then begin to pace the floor, and Edmund stayed silent, watching him, and wondering at his own sudden composure.

"Edmund," Caspian finally said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "There are many paths to the future and nothing is written in stone. Yes, my duty is to continue my line, but it can't be the be all and end all of my life. I came on this voyage, there have been many dangers, I could easily have died out here and yet you, yourself, have never questioned the risk. I can't live my life not taking risks in the fear that my line might die out. To do that would make me a terrible king."

Edmund sighed. "Caspian, you know that this voyage has been made under Aslan's protection. The fact that Lucy, Eustace, and I were brought here is proof of that. Do you really think that if we sacrificed Narnia to our own desires that we would remain under that protection?"

Edmund closed his eyes for a moment for every word out of his mouth seemed to seal his own fate. The arguments he was making seemed so clear to him, which was extremely odd when he had not been able to think properly about this situation until this moment.

Caspian was leaning against the cabin wall now, his arms crossed tightly over his chest and Edmund could see that the previous anger in his eyes was slowly giving way to frustrated resignation, and that look made his heart clench.

He took a deep breath. "Aside from that," he said. "There is more to this than just providing an heir, and you know it. Your child should be raised in as stable an environment as you can provide, not amidst the political instability that my presence could cause, for don't forget, that I too am a King of Narnia."

Caspian held up a hand but Edmund had already fallen silent.

"All I see, Edmund," said Caspian, his voice full of bitterness, "is that you are not willing to take the risk on a future with me. I thought that you had changed, but for all your clever speeches, I see that you have not. By Aslan, don't you see what you are doing? If you go, we will _never_ see each other again, there will _never_ be hope. You are condemning us both to endless loneliness, but _you've_ made _your_ choice, regardless of how _I_ feel, for all you say that it is a decision we must make together. And I know that now you want me to help you to feel better about that. But I can't do that, and even if I could, I would not. I won't make it easier for you to break my heart."

Edmund gasped, the blood draining from his face, but Caspian was already striding towards the door. Edmund reached out, and for a moment his hand gripped Caspian's arm, but Caspian shook him off and left the cabin without looking back.

* * *

Edmund sat in the growing darkness of the cabin, his mind and body exhausted. Caspian's final words rang in his ears and he struggled to remain where he was when every cell in his body was urging him to find Caspian and tell him that he would stay in Narnia.

And the trouble was, he thought, that as much as a part of him felt that he should leave Narnia, there was another part of him that whispered in his mind that would it really be so terrible for Narnia if he stayed. For Aslan had given them the choice, and surely Aslan would not have put Narnia at such a terrible risk, if it would really be such a disaster for Edmund to stay?

But then there was his family as well. As much as he loved Caspian, he couldn't forget that he loved his family also and the thought of never seeing his parents, and Susan and Lucy again… and Peter, his High King… made his throat tight with misery.

The cabin was fully dark when Edmund heard the door open and he looked up quickly, his heart leaping in his chest.

"Edmund, why are you sitting in the dark?" It was Lucy's voice, and Edmund could see the dim figure of Eustace beside her.

"I imagine," Eustace said, crossing to the table and lighting the lamp, "for the same reason that Caspian is prowling about on deck."

Edmund blinked in the sudden light and then frowned at Eustace.

"You haven't been annoying him, have you?" he asked, for Eustace could still be an irritating prig sometimes.

"No fear," Eustace said, with a grin. "I'd like to get home alive, one day."

Edmund saw the grin fade from Eustace's face as he felt his own face crumple and he fought to hold back his sudden need to sob. He was _not_ going to blub in front of his sister and cousin.

"Edmund," Lucy gasped, and then she was sitting beside him on the bench holding onto his hand tightly. "What's wrong?"

Eustace leaned against the table, looking slightly terrified and it was this expression that saved Edmund. For a moment, he blinked rapidly but then the moment passed and he squeezed Lucy's hand as he managed a stiff smile.

"You and Caspian are fighting, aren't you?" Lucy asked in a gentle voice.

"Yes," Edmund said with a sigh, and he looked at Lucy and then at Eustace. "Our time in Narnia will soon be over."

"Oh," Lucy breathed.

"How do you know?" Eustace asked.

"Aslan told us," Edmund replied shortly and Eustace frowned.

"He told you that you could stay if you wanted, didn't he?" Eustace asked, and Edmund gasped because Eustace's usual perception, whilst often stunning, was at this moment extremely unwelcome. "And you've decided to go back with us. No wonder Caspian's in a temper."

"Eustace…" Edmund said, his frustration making it difficult to speak. "Do you have to be so bloody direct all the time?"

He heard Lucy's gasp and then her soft giggle but he was not going to apologise for his bad language and he glared at Eustace in annoyance.

"Sorry," Eustace replied, and had the grace to look slightly ashamed. "Bad habit."

"But is this true, Ed?" Lucy asked softly.

"Yes… No… God, I don't know," Edmund said, and suddenly everything was pouring out of him like a dam bursting. "Lucy, I just don't know what to do, but then, at the same time, I do. I feel like I should go back, but I love…," he felt his face flushing and could not meet her eyes. "We're supposed to decide together, but how do we do that, Lu, when all we do is argue about it? And now Caspian is so angry with me… and we should talk about it, but I don't know how to anymore, and Caspian just keeps losing his temper anyway, and then I do as well."

Edmund took a deep, gasping breath, well aware that he had said a lot more than he'd intended and that the other two were gazing at him in concern.

Lucy was still holding his hand and after a moment, she patted the back of his hand with her free one, in a gesture that reminded him very much of their mother, and his throat tightened again.

"Would you like me to talk to him?" she asked.

"What?" Edmund said. "Oh… I don't know that it would be a good idea, Lu." He sighed.

"Still, I think I will," she said, firmly. "He needs a reminder."

"A reminder of what?" Eustace asked, curiously.

"A reminder of who he is, and how he got there," she said, and smiled sweetly at Eustace's obvious confusion.

Edmund stared at her for a moment, strangely tempted, for he knew how persistent and persuasive his sister could be and it would be so easy to let someone else take care of the whole mess. But deep down he knew that this was something that only he and Caspian could deal with, Aslan had placed his trust in Edmund - in both of them - that they would do the right thing for Narnia, and in the end that was what was most important.

"No, Lucy," he finally said, squaring his shoulders. "I appreciate the offer but this is something that Caspian and I have to do."

Lucy nodded and squeezed his hand again, and then the door opened and Reepicheep came in. He gave Edmund a concerned look, but did not say anything for which Edmund was grateful, and soon the mouse and Eustace settled into a game of chess.

Edmund watched them for a while, not paying much attention to the game but instead focusing on Reep's fierce concentration and as he did so the idea came to him of how he could explain how he felt to Caspian. And as it did, his heart sank, for he knew then without any doubt that he would return to England, and that Caspian would let him go.

After this Edmund left the main cabin and returned to the one that he shared with Caspian. He paused at the door, his heart hammering, but when he opened it, Caspian was not there, nor did he return to the cabin through the night, and Edmund lay in the bunk, staring into the darkness with heavy eyes, and a heavy heart.


	19. Chapter 19

At some point, Edmund must have slept, for when he opened his eyes again the cabin was full of the dim early morning light, and a heavy arm was draped across his waist.

Edmund froze, held his breath for a moment in surprise, and then gently rolled over. Caspian was lying beside him, breathing deeply in sleep, and Edmund's heart twisted painfully at the sight of him. How many more mornings would he have to see Caspian like this?

He wondered if Caspian's presence in the bunk meant that he had forgiven Edmund in some way. He also wondered if he, himself, should still be angry with Caspian's behaviour of the day before, but running his fingers through Caspian's silky hair, Edmund found that he just did not have it in himself to be annoyed with the King.

As Edmund's fingers tangled slightly in Caspian's hair, Caspian's breath hitched and then his eyes slowly opened. His clear, blue gaze met Edmund's eyes and he smiled slightly, and then leant forward and brushed his lips against Edmund's.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Edmund's eyes widened. "You frightened me a little, you know," he admitted.

"I was frightened myself," Caspian said, and a brief frown crossed his face. "But I shouldn't have taken that out on you."

"I don't want you to hate me," Edmund said, and winced slightly at the tremor he could hear in his voice.

Caspian sighed. "Edmund, you always try to do the right thing even when it's hard or painful for you. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you, so I can't hate you for it. Even when it works against me."

Edmund briefly closed his eyes. Caspian's words were like a healing balm on his heavy heart but it was a bittersweet moment, for he could easily hear the pain in Caspian's voice.

"We have to talk about this, Caspian," he finally managed to say. "Without fighting."

"I know," Caspian replied, with another sigh, and then he pulled Edmund closer, his arms tight around Edmund's body, and his chin resting on the top of Edmund's head. "But not yet. I want to hold you for a while."

To his horror a tear slowly rolled down Edmund's cheek and he was glad that Caspian could not see it. He pressed closer to Caspian, returning his tight embrace, closed his eyes and concentrated on Caspian's steady breathing.

* * *

The next time Edmund woke the cabin was full of light and he realised that it must be close to mid-morning. Caspian was lying behind him, and when Edmund turned over he met Caspian's eyes immediately. He flushed a little, wondering how long Caspian had been awake, watching him sleep, but then he remembered that he had done the same thing himself earlier.

They gazed at each other for a moment, and Edmund tried to steady his heart for he could sense that the moment had come when they would finally be able to talk properly, and he knew he was right when Caspian gave him a slight smile and nodded.

Edmund took a deep breath. "Do you know what Reep calls you when he talks about you?" he asked.

Caspian looked puzzled for a moment and then he smiled again. "No," he said. "But I can't imagine it's anything rude."

"No, it isn't," said Edmund, returning Caspian's smile with a slight one of his own. "He calls you 'my King'. At first, it used to annoy me a bit, it was like he owned you when he said it, and it didn't seem right. But then I thought about it and I realised how right it truly is for him to call you that. For Narnia does own its Kings. Your subjects don't exist to serve you, as the King of Narnia you are in service to them, and that's how it should be. It's how Aslan's Kings of Narnia have always been. You know that I'm right."

And Caspian was already nodding. "Yes, I know it," he said. "And when the Kings lose sight of that, and lose sight of Aslan, then Narnia is always weakened, until eventually Aslan takes action, and starts a new line of his own Kings."

"Yes," Edmund agreed. "As Kings of Narnia, we aren't private people, we don't always get to have things the way we want them. You talked to me once about duty, so I know that you already know that. I've always been one of Aslan's Kings, and so have you. As much as I want to stay, I don't want to lose that, for either of us."

"But Edmund," Caspian was frowning now. "You talk as if by staying you would be going against Aslan's wishes, and yet he gave _us_ the choice. How can you know what his true wishes are? Maybe he wants you to stay."

Edmund swallowed heavily and then moved closer to Caspian, resting his face against his shoulder, for he knew that he could not look into Caspian's eyes and say what he had to say next.

"You showed me how to trust my instincts, Caspian," he said, quietly. "And I'm sorry, but every instinct I have is telling me that going back to England is the right choice. For Narnia."

Caspian's body was very still against Edmund's for a moment, and then slowly his arms slipped around Edmund's waist, pulling him closer.

Edmund heard him sigh and then, "I know," Caspian whispered.

Edmund's chest tightened painfully as he heard the words for behind the agreement he could hear, in the weariness of Caspian's voice, that he would no longer fight Edmund's choice, and so finally Edmund looked up and met Caspian's eyes.

"Do you really?" he asked.

And now it seemed it was Caspian who could not meet Edmund's eyes, for he quickly looked away.

"Yes, I do," he finally replied. "I know that even though we made a commitment to each other, that after the vision you had on the Dark Island, and after seeing the Stone Knife on Ramandu's Island, there was no other choice that you could have made, Edmund."

Edmund frowned, his heart sinking, for Caspian's words almost sounded like an accusation. "Do you think I would go back only to make myself feel better, Caspian? Because I can tell you now, being apart from you won't make me feel any better. It will just be a different kind of pain."

Finally Caspian met Edmund's eyes but Edmund could not decipher his expression.

"A pain that I will share, Edmund," he said, and then he sighed. "I don't know whether you are doing this because it's right for you, or right for Narnia, or both. But it doesn't matter really. The decision is made. You'll go back and I'll stay here. There's no point talking about it any more, Edmund, it would be a waste of the time we have left, and I have a feeling that we don't have much of that."

Edmund frowned, because while the words were of agreement, Caspian's tone was flat and emotionless, and Edmund realised that he did not have a clear idea of what Caspian was feeling. Was he still angry, hurt - or disappointed with Edmund? Or did he see the choice as clearly as Edmund did. Edmund could almost see the barriers going up in Caspian's eyes, the calm façade of the King of Narnia taking over, and it made his heart clench tightly, made him feel cold all over.

"Caspian…" he began, struggling to get the words through the sudden obstruction in his throat. "Caspian, I need to know-"

"No," Caspian interrupted. "Edmund, I mean it. I can't talk about it anymore. You have to understand, I have to protect myself now, to be strong for Narnia."

"But I-"

"No," Caspian repeated, and then he leant forward and pressed his mouth hard against Edmund's.

And Edmund knew that it was a distraction that Caspian was using against him, but it was a distraction to which he could easily succumb. Caspian's lips moved against his, firmly and with heat, his tongue pushing forward to slide against Edmund's.

After that, it was all heat and pressure, easy to sink into and lose himself, as Caspian moved against him, his slick fingers sliding into Edmund, swiftly followed by his hard shaft. The pace that Caspian set was relentlessly slow, as if he was trying to either torture them both, or make this moment last as long as possible, and nothing that Edmund did – trying to move his hips, or even pleading into Caspian's ear – seemed to have any effect.

In the end, he wrapped himself around Caspian's body and held on tightly, sliding his lips and teeth against Caspian's throat and trying to memorise every gasp or moan that the King made. The tingling pressure was building slowly but powerfully in Edmund and he desperately wanted to reach between them and stroke his own aching erection, but they were so tightly pressed together that it seemed impossible.

"Let me-" he breathed, but again Caspian took his mouth in a deep, hungry kiss and Edmund moaned into it, as his pleasure suddenly peaked and he found himself caught in an intense and shocking climax.

"Oh my… god… Caspian," he groaned, rolling his head on the pillow, and the powerful waves of ecstasy continued, making his body tighten and shudder.

He heard an answering moan from Caspian and felt his thrusts become more erratic, but deep and fast.

"Yes, first time," Caspian whispered into Edmund's ear, and Edmund was still so caught up in his own bliss that he almost missed it.

"No hands," Caspian continued, as Edmund blinked in confusion. "Does it… feel… different?"

Edmund was gasping for breath as his body finally began to relax, when he felt Caspian's hand on his chin forcing him to turn his head back to Caspian.

"Tell me," Caspian growled, his eyes dark.

"Yes," Edmund whispered, "very intense," he managed to add.

"You looked amazing," Caspian said, and then he surged forward, his tongue plundering Edmund's mouth, as he gave one last, forceful thrust and then stiffened against Edmund's body.

Edmund was still spread out under Caspian, his body heavy with lethargy, when he felt Caspian's lips moving against his ear.

"I want you to stay," Caspian whispered, so low that Edmund almost didn't hear it.

The pain shot through his heart like a knife. He knew that it would be the last time that Caspian would risk saying it and he was aching to give Caspian the answer he wanted, but he knew that he could not make the words leave his throat. Neither could he speak the words of denial, so feeling like a coward and almost hating himself for it, Edmund closed his eyes, deepened his breathing and pretended to be asleep.

He felt Caspian sigh, and then the King rolled away from Edmund and settled at his side.

* * *

Edmund did not sleep again, but eventually he could tell that Caspian did, and he slid from the bed, washed, dressed and quietly left the cabin. He wandered aimlessly along the deck, finally finding his way to the forecastle where he found Drinian, looking both anxious and excited.

"What's going on?" Edmund asked.

"Ah, King Edmund," Drinian replied. "I'm afraid that we very nearly ground the Dawn Treader in the shallows, for we have come as far as we can with using the small-boat for guidance. We have rowed through the night but I felt it best that I not wake the King," he flushed slightly, and Edmund felt his own face heat in response, for he knew that the Captain must be aware of the arguments that had taken place the previous day.

"But I must find him now," Drinian continued. "It would seem our journey is over."

Edmund had frozen at the words and the Captain had almost walked by him before Edmund managed to grip his arm and halt him.

"Wait," he said, and Drinian looked at him expectantly.

"I did not expect this to happen so soon as this," he said, rather breathlessly. "Give me a moment."

The Captain nodded, but his face was now full of curiosity, and Edmund quickly looked away, swallowing heavily. He had thought that this moment would be hard, but the reality was more difficult than he could ever have imagined.

"We will part ways here," he finally said.

"Your Majesty?"

"Yes, Lucy and Eustace, and I," Edmund continued. "And I need you to do something for me."

He was silent for a few minutes, thinking quickly, for the idea had been vague in the back of his head ever since Ramandu's Island, and it had formed fully when he had mentioned Lucy and Eustace. But it was an idea that hurt.

He was going back, he would be separated from Caspian, but he would have his brother and sisters, his parents, and even Eustace. They would be of some comfort to him, surely, but Caspian would be alone, and Edmund's heart ached at the thought of it, for it was his choice that had made it so.

Beside him Drinian waited silently, but eventually he shifted anxiously, and Edmund nodded and looked at him.

"When you get to Ramandu's Island," he said, his voice shaking only slightly. "Find a reason to stay for a time. Refit the ship. Anything."

For a moment, Drinian seemed astonished, and then his eyes cleared and grew serious.

"I see," he said, quietly, and his hand found Edmund's and clasped it.

"You are as wise, and as generous, as the old tales tell, King Edmund. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, only," Edmund took a deep breath, "don't tell him that I asked you to do this. And don't tell… her… either, I couldn't bear it."

Drinian nodded but he seemed doubtful. "You know the King has never seemed to favour women," he said, hesitantly. "Will this work?"

"He will favour _her_ ," Edmund answered shortly, and he was certain it was true. "And she will be what he needs."

"But not what he wants," Drinian replied, and then held up an apologetic hand at Edmund's angry glare.

They stared at each other silently and then Edmund turned away.

"You had best go and tell him that we have come as far as we can," he said, and then listened to the Captain's fading footsteps.

* * *

Caspian wasn't looking at him.

All through the many and long-drawn out farewells with the crew of the Dawn Treader, Edmund's eyes had continuously drifted towards the King, but still Caspian never looked at him, until Lucy and Eustace had embraced Caspian tightly and moved away, and Edmund stood before him.

And then Caspian's eyes finally met his and seemed to drill into his head, hard and unrelenting. Edmund, now completely uncertain of how to handle the moment, and feeling numb all over, stuck out his hand and waited.

"Good bye," he muttered, suddenly feeling sick to the stomach.

"Oh, not like this," Caspian said, flat and quiet, and he took Edmund's hand and began to drag him along the deck.

Edmund knew a moment of sheer panic as he wondered if Caspian was actually going to make good on the threat to lock him in the hold, but the King halted when they reached the cabins, and pressed Edmund against the wall, out of sight of everyone else.

Caspian's arms were tight around his waist, and Edmund wound his arms around Caspian's shoulders, buried his face into Caspian's neck, and breathed in the scent that he hoped he would never forget.

"I wanted to have you again," Caspian whispered into his ear. "But, curse it, there's not enough time. And once more would never have been enough anyway."

He sounded angry, but behind it Edmund could hear the bewildered fear, and he closed his eyes tightly and fought against the sudden rising sob in his chest. He took a deep breath and pushed Caspian's chest gently. Caspian released him, took a step back and gazed down at Edmund, his eyes dark with emotion.

"I love you," Edmund found himself saying.

Caspian raised an eyebrow. "But not enough to stay," he said.

It was like a punch to the stomach and Edmund froze for a moment as he stared at Caspian in breathless horror.

"Well," he finally snapped, fury rising. "If that's the way you feel then there is nothing more to say. I'd best get going."

He had already started to move away as he spoke, his body tight with anger, but Caspian's hand suddenly gripped his wrist and pulled him back, and he was once more pressed against the wall.

"I'm sorry," Caspian said, softly. "That was a terrible thing to say, and I'm sorry. I don't want us to part angry with each other."

Edmund wanted to ask Caspian if he truly believed what he'd said before but suddenly Caspian's lips were moving gently against his, in a kiss of such tenderness that Edmund sighed and melted into it, his hands tangling in Caspian's hair. The kiss held until Edmund was struggling to breathe and even then, they only parted briefly to gasp in air, before their lips met again, and again.

Edmund knew that he should pull away, but he couldn't do it, and neither it seemed, could Caspian. His lips felt full and slightly bruised, but still he couldn't stop, for he knew that when he did, he would never feel this again.

"Edmund."

It was Lucy's soft voice that finally broke them apart and Edmund almost hated her for it. He turned to look at her and he knew that she could see the reproach in his eyes, when she winced slightly.

"I'm sorry," she said, still softly. "But, I think, it's time."

Edmund nodded, briefly glanced at Caspian and then looked away quickly when he saw the raw open pain in his blue eyes. He felt shell-shocked and suspected that he looked it too, as he followed Lucy blindly to the ladder, and climbed down into the small-boat.

It was a few moments later, and in a daze, that he realised that he was no longer on the Dawn Treader and that Eustace had already rowed them out into the current.

The sudden longing to look back was intense but he fiercely suppressed it, for it would do no good. His throat felt tight and constricted, and he blinked rapidly against the sudden burning in his eyes, desperately trying to ignore the heavy pain in his chest that seemed to almost be suffocating him. Eventually he noticed that Lucy was watching him, her face worried.

"I'm sorry," she said, reaching a hand towards him.

"Don't," Edmund said, and turned away.

* * *

He was exhausted but he couldn't sleep. The others were lightly dozing in the warm night air as Edmund stared at the endless white lilies around them, but even though his eyes felt as heavy as lead, they would not stay closed.

It was emotional exhaustion, Edmund knew, that kept him awake. In the last day, he and Caspian had fluctuated through so many different feelings that Edmund felt so drained that it was almost a relief. He wondered if Caspian was feeling as numb as Edmund was, but forced his mind away from the idea of Caspian, lying in the bunk on the Dawn Treader, alone. He wasn't ready to think about Caspian yet.

Eventually the sun rose over the glaring brightness of the lilies. Edmund rested in the back of the small-boat. He could hear Reepicheep and Eustace talking, and Lucy was leaning over the side of the boat, trailing her hand in the water, and singing softly. Edmund could recognise the melody, it was an old Narnian song from their days as Kings and Queens of Narnia, but he could not hear the words, nor could he remember them.

The pure, drifting peace of the next two days was like a balm to his aching heart, and in a way he dreaded the moment when this strange cocooned world in the small-boat would end, but finally one morning the sun rose and they could see the endlessly tall mountains of Aslan's country beyond the great wave of shimmering water.

Reepicheep's leave-taking was sweet with happiness, but his departure was swift and Edmund reflected that every moment of separation seemed to happen quickly here at the End of the World. Perhaps too quickly.

Then, almost like a dream, they were wading through the water, hand-in-hand. Edmund had not been surprised when Lucy had taken his hand, but when Eustace had taken his other hand, he'd gazed at the other boy in shock. Eustace had shrugged, and then grinned, and Edmund had found that the sure, warm, clasp of Eustace's hand was a strange comfort.

Somehow, as soon as Edmund had seen the Lamb he had known that it was Aslan, and he'd waited patiently for the Lion to reveal himself. And he'd waited patiently as Aslan had explained to Lucy and Eustace, what he himself, already knew – that only Eustace might one day return. He was still patient as Lucy and Eustace went through the glaring white hole in the sky, and then he turned to look at Aslan, for he had questions to ask and he needed the answers.

Aslan returned his gaze calmly, and Edmund took it as permission.

"Why?" he asked.

"Many reasons," Aslan replied. "For you know that there is never one perfect answer to these sort of questions, King Edmund. Some of the answers you know already. For instance, you know why you fell in love with King Caspian, and you know why you eventually had to stop fighting against it. You cannot wear the scars of the past forever."

"It seems to me that they have only been replaced with new ones," Edmund said, thinking of that final day with Caspian.

"Only if you let them become so," Aslan replied. "And that is up to you."

"But why?" Edmund asked again, and he knew that Aslan would understand.

"A sacrifice was once made for you," Aslan said, "and whilst you were never asked to make payment, you have held the debt in your mind. You would never have been free of it until you felt that you had repaid the sacrifice."

Edmund flushed, for the words reminded him painfully of what Caspian had said to him on that last morning together. It was true that everything that had happened to Edmund had shaped him to make the decision he had made - but was that fair to Caspian?

"But why Caspian?" Edmund asked, and he couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice. "Why did Caspian have to pay for my mistakes?"

Aslan, who had been lying on the grass in front of Edmund, rose up onto his paws and sat on his haunches, his golden eyes gazing down at Edmund impassively. Edmund suddenly felt nervous, for Aslan's usual warmth seemed to have been withdrawn behind a wall of impersonal calm.

"King Caspian's story is not your story, nor has he yet made his own choice," Aslan said. "All I will tell you is that the end days of Narnia are approaching and Caspian's line must be strong enough to stand against the despair. The sacrifice you have made will ensure that it will be so, if all goes well. The choice was given to you, as it had to be, but you have chosen well, Son of Adam, and I am proud of you. Will this be some small solace for what you have lost?"

"Yes," Edmund replied, and he truly believed it, even though he still did not understand. For how could it be that Caspian had not yet made a choice, when surely the decision for Edmund to leave had already been made? It was too confusing and, as always, the Lion seemed to have left him with more questions then answers.

Aslan bent his great head and Edmund felt the Lion's kiss against his forehead, and then buried his face in the Lion's mane, breathing in the deep, rich scent that always made him feel a thousand times stronger.

"The path ahead of you is still a hard one," Aslan said, his voice once again full of gentle warmth, "and there will be many lonely days, but it will not be without reward."

Edmund nodded, and stepped back from the Lion, taking a deep breath.

"Are you ready, Son of Adam?" asked Aslan.

"Yes," said Edmund, and he stepped through the door.

 

 

THE END


End file.
